Clarity Sunshield (Clare)

Excluding the DLCs, the Thieves Guild is probably my favourite. Skyrim does like to throw a lot of traitors your way, to the point where betrayal is actually expected, but the mutiny of Mercer Frey was a rare exception in my case. Even though he was notably cold and authoritative, I was under the impression that this was his method of leadership. Even his conversation with Karliah was vague and incompressible to the ignorant ear, and I didn't really know that he was the traitor until he stabbed me. So, I think he was played out relatively well. He gave no reasons to indicate that he was a murderer, not even any subtle hints in idle passing, and I appreciate that. Brynjolf is a great character, really wish I could marry him. The majority of the Guild seems focused on wealth above all else, whereas Brynjolf will give you a bit of his time, so bless him for that. Karliah, I really liked. For a thief, she has a very gentle disposition as a character, very quiet but well mannered. Obviously, her combat quotes reveal a louder, more awesome side of her. I also have a soft spot for Vex, even though I resent the whole Stones of Barenziah bullshit. The story was great, a mix of generalised thieving and Daedra worshipping. I found it emotional on occasions, too, particularly Karliah's final words to Gallus. "Eyes open, walk with the shadows,"

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If you want me to include the DLCs, then definitely the Dawnguard quest chain, but only upon siding with the Dawnguard. I find the chain a bit messy if you side with the vampires, as Serana's mutiny against Harkon just comes out of nowhere. However, upon siding with the Dawnguard, we see a more reasonable, courageous side of Serana, someone who is genuinely willing to risk her life for the future. Her daddy issues can be a bit irritating, but they are understandable, too. It's apparent that the player character is the only person she's trusted in a long time, and it's certainly long overdue. I was also impressed with Harkon's last words. "No, Serana, your own father..." Serana is probably the most relatable character I've encountered in Skyrim, between daddy issues, politeness and a dose of sass on the side. I could revisit that quest line over and over again and never get bored with it. And also, Gelebor and Vyrthur were awesome additions to this already phenomenal game. All we really needed to cap it were two Snow Elves. Auriel's Bow was awesome, too.

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My aunt, actually. She used to occasionally surprise me with a "Day Out". It's weird to think that, in the years that followed my early youth, we used to HATE each-other. I'm glad that we're close again now, though. She's done more for me than most people, with my mother as an exception.

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I remember one time after my dad "went off on one", shall we say, and I was heartbroken for a few days, so my aunt decided to take me out on one such day trip. I was really into hair accessories and makeup then (I am again now, actually, but the habit died for a while when I hit 15) so she took me to an amazing beauty shop in Cork and let me buy a few reasonably priced things, and then she took me to a place called Corbett Court, this amazing restaurant with killer chocolate fudge cake. And then she took me to a hair salon to have my hair cut and styled.

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I owe a lot to my aunt, really. Despite the differences we've had, she really looked out for me and spoiled me when she felt I needed it. I don't know if it's even possible for me to repay her, but if I ever am able to, I will.

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I was able to recognize that I haven't had it easy; that was something I struggled with accepting. I knew that there was a problem, but I just didn't see how anything I've had to suffer could have been a primary contributor to my life taking a turn for the worst. I've known people who've been beaten within an inch of their life, (NOT in the figurative sense, but the very, very literal one) sexually abused, homeless and severely disabled, and in comparison with my own "soft beatings" (as a girl I used to know put it so very delicately; she actually messaged my brother and asked him why I blocked her on Facebook, and then proceeded to berate and humiliate me at school, textbook bully) and my being neglected, I just couldn't accept that I'd had a bad life. I put it down to my not being grateful to have had a good life and the resulting illness being my punishment for it.

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Turns out, negligence and abuse in both the physical and psychological sense has very damning effects on the growing child, and combine that with the fact that both my parents were drinkers, well, I *DIDN'T* have it easy. When you compare your life to someone else's, you tend to neglect your own knowledge and logic, and honestly, yourself in general. I have nothing but compassion and sympathy towards those who've had such awful upbringings, but that doesn't mean I should sweep mine under the rug.

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Recognizing that my upbringing DID play a part in the woman I am today is something I'm proud of. Once you recognize a problem, it's only a matter of time before you fix it. That's been one of my biggest prides this year. It only took me 19 years, but we got there!

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Aside from that, I FINALLY nailed winged eyeliner! NOW *THAT* IS A FEAT THAT ONE SHOULD BOAST ABOUT

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You know, I've learned a lot about storms these past few days. I guess that comes from the fact that we, the citizens of Ireland, have been ordered into our houses due to an alleged "blizzard" terrorizing the nation.

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Days without bread. DAYS, I SAY! Every time we make it to a fucking shop after a two hours in a car going a mile a fucking hour, the shelves are emptied of bread, milk, butter and, yup, wine. DO YOU SEE HOW WE PRIORITIZE SHIT!?

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That being said, before the "blizzard" hit, it was too late for us to stock up on bread, but surprisingly not potatoes, chicken and carrots. What more does a reserved, simple yet remarkable woman like myself need? MAYBE THE FUCKING PACKAGE I WAS EXPECTING ON THURSDAY, THE DAY THAT THE "BLIZZARD" WAS EXPECTED TO HIT BUT DIDN'T

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YOU COULD HAVE DONE IT BUT YOU DIDN'T

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AND NOW I'M STUCK HERE IN MY SHITTY RURAL HALF-SIZED DWELLING SLAPPING FOUNDATION OVER SKIN THAT NOBODY BUT MYSELF IS GOING TO LOOK AT

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To answer your question... no. There is no calm after a storm. Only suppressed rage, self-hatred and the mournful howls of a thousand missed opportunities.

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That got a bit morbid, didn't it?

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I'm sorry to hear about your friend self-harming. To quote the Mayo Clinic;

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"Nonsuicidal self-injury, often simply called self-injury, is the act of deliberately harming the surface of your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. It's typically not meant as a suicide attempt. Rather, this type of self-injury is an unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain, intense anger and frustration.

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While self-injury may bring a momentary sense of calm and a release of tension, it's usually followed by guilt and shame and the return of painful emotions. Although life-threatening injuries are usually not intended, with self-injury comes the possibility of more serious and even fatal self-aggressive actions.

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Getting appropriate treatment can help you learn healthier ways to cope."

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In my own experience, self-harm was a way to alleviate emotional tension, often anger and hysteria, and to vocalize what I wasn't able to say. If your friend is open about the fact that they're self-harming, it's likely they're asking for help in a way that's unfamiliar to you. With self-harm very often comes common (but never to be overlooked) mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

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Here are some of the symptoms of one who self-harms according to Mayo Clinic:

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"Scars
Fresh cuts, scratches, bruises or other wounds
Excessive rubbing of an area to create a burn
Keeping sharp objects on hand
Wearing long sleeves or long pants, even in hot weather
Difficulties in interpersonal relationships
Persistent questions about personal identity, such as "Who am I?" "What am I doing here?"
Behavioral and emotional instability, impulsivity and unpredictability
Statements of helplessness, hopelessness or worthlessness"

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And here's a little about what you can do for your friend, once again, according to Mayo Clinic:

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"If you have a friend or loved one who is self-injuring, you may be shocked and scared. Take all talk of self-injury seriously. Although you might feel that you'd be betraying a confidence, self-injury is too big a problem to ignore or to deal with alone. Here are some ways to help.

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Your child. You can start by consulting your pediatrician or other health care professional who can provide an initial evaluation or a referral to a mental health specialist. Don't yell at your child or make threats or accusations, but do express concern.
Teenage friend. Suggest that your friend talk to parents, a teacher, a school counselor or another trusted adult.
Adult. Gently encourage the person to seek medical and mental health treatment.
When to get emergency help
If you've injured yourself severely or believe your injury may be life-threatening, or if you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, call 911 or your local emergency number immediately."

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My personal advice? Don't hold yourself accountable for what your friend is doing. Just support them in the best way you can. Good luck.

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