ILIA Advice

As salaam alakom

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Yes the short answer, its not correct for a girl to walk home from school with two boys. It opens the first steps for a close relationship that could lead to intimate feelings and eventually inappropriate relationship. Also other issues usually arise such as jealousy across friends of the same gender, incorrect assumptions by others and is definitely not following the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh)

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She should have a parent or adult pick her up from school, or she can walk home with a group of girls. If a girl happens to be walking home with a group of girls and for some reason they all left her alone (dropped by on of their home's on the way, and she decided to continue to her home) and she felt unsafe or a stranger approached her, it would be acceptable in such a special circumstance that she seek company by a male peer she trusts at school until she is safe, but this is on a such a very special case, and is probably very uncommon, and Allah knows best.

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As salaam alakom

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May Allah swt shower you with his mercy and forgiveness and grant you and the girl guidance and jannah in the hereafter. There are several sins in the scenario above that we need to recognize so our repentance is correct.

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1. A boy had a relationship with a girl
2. The relationship is intimate and involved physical interaction
3. Where did this intimacy take place? If at one of their homes, then there is the sin of breaching the trust of the parents
4. Sharing what happened with friend? Was it for consulting on how to repent? or sharing details of the intimacy?

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When repenting we need to
1. recognize and acknowledge the sin
2. feel remorse for engaging in the sin
3. promise Allah swt never to do it again
4. return the rights we have taken from others

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If you fulfill 1-3, you then need to apologize to the girl for the intimacy, and potentially sharing any details about the act with others, also to any others involved in this incident, like parents of either party who might have been informed.

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You should lower your gaze, sincerely stay about from any porn, pray all 5 prayers on time, pray your sunnah prayers, and fast as many Mondays and Thursdays as you can. Read Quran and learn more about zina and the ways to protect oneself from it and give dawa to others.

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Allah swt is the all forgiving, all merciful

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As salaam alakom

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The short answer is yes. It contains nicotine just like cigarettes, a chemical that is addictive and carcinogenic (causes cancer), it also affects the nervous system and appetite. It is haraam since it harms the body. Moreover usually these pens contain carcinogenic flavors which as also very harmful.

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Allah swt commands us to consume what is from earth that is halal and good. Nicotine and carcinogenic flavors are neither halal (permissible) nor tayeb (good).

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Imagine your spot in jannah, dont lose it for a hookah which will waste your health and money. As the prophet pbuh says, our accountability will not be completed until we are asked for

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1. Our youth and how we utilize it
2. Our health and how we used it
3. Our wealth and how we expended it
4. Our time and how we benefited from it

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Smoking as you can clearly see lowers our motivation and aspirations on the longer term (youth), impacts our health negatively, consumes our money and will waste some of our time in something that will not benefit us in this life or the next.

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Wasalaam

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The problem with any use of an illegal drug, is that you do not know what or how much is really in the pill you take. Most illegal drugs contains impurity and other dangerous chemicals, remember illegal drugs are not regulated, are not checked and dealers can put anything in those pills.

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Even if it really is ecstasy, which is by the way very dangerous, people have overdosed the first or only time they have taken it. Ecstasy can severely dehydrate you, it messes with your heart rate and blood pressure, lowers your inhibitions and awareness and puts you in a vulnerable position. So once might be too much!

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Now, we know that drugs are harmful, we also know that harming our bodies is haraam and will lead the person to the hell-fire.

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People who try drugs do it either out of curiosity or due to some weakness in their character (self-esteem, escaping from a challenge, unable to address a problem). Experiencing some things could bring irreversible harm, drugs falls in that category. You risk your health, in some cases even your life, or best case just the urge to try it again.

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I advise you to make duaa to Allah to protect you, pray your 5 prayers on time every day, surrond yourself with good friends who are smart and know right from wrong, always reach out to an adult, just like you are doing now - not to seek an excuse to do wrong - but rather to truly know where things stand, and follow that advice. When you feel weak, there is nothing wrong running away, literally running away from a situation. As Allah swt tells us in the Quran to run away from ignorance to a paradise as wide as the hearts and earth. Fasting will also help you stand stead-fast.

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May Allah swt protect you and all of us from the evil of our souls and the whispers of shaytan. You may email us in confidence for any other questions at advice@islamicleadership.org

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Wa alakom as salaam sister, we fully appreciate your situation and ask Allah swt to grant you wisdom and patience and your parents peace.

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First, know that your parents challenge and divorce might impact you in several ways which might appear as if that they are ignoring your needs and don't care about your plans. This is in most cases not true. Its just a side effect of the separation and the stress they are undergoing, so its important to know that they love you and care about your well being but sometimes its hard to show, or will take a while until things stabilize for each one of them in their new separated life.

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I advise you to first of all remember Allah's ayah in the chapter of divorce (Al-Talaq), where he says whomever has taqwa in his heart, Allah will grant him/her a way out from their difficulty and grant him/her provisions from where he/she never imagined. (65:2-3). It is amazing advice. If your parents fear Allah, they would depart in a way that is pleasing to their Lord and that would automatically mean that everything else will fall in place nicely. Try to reconcile between them. If they just separated and are still within the 3 month "eda" period, they can still com back to each other. Advise both of them in this case to appeal to the other party, as if they are newly engaged couple, maybe Allah will open their hearts to each other and they will come back. Advise them on the pros and cons of separating, you know best the root causes for why they feel they cant live with each other anymore.

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If the "eda" period is over, then remind them to depart on good terms with pious hearts that fear Allah swt, not that fear the law. They both need to depart with the intention that this is better for the family, for the children and for the sake of preventing greater harm, not for personal prejudice or to prove someone is wrong.

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Ask your parents why they want to pull you out from your madrassa? Is it because of financial ability? Your father can no longer afford it? They ask your mother to pitch in a share from alimony she will get from your father. You need to know the reason.

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There are many pieces of info needed to give you good sound and complete advice. Without knowing the background and situation it hard to advise on next steps, but I advise to reach out to a caring adult, an uncle or someone who can talk to your parents with you. You can also contact us offline by emaling advice@islamicleadership.org

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Peace

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As salaam alakom, good question. Islam defines relationships within limits. It is fine to interact with others within limits whether the other person is of same gender or different gender.

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When it comes to a brotherly relationship between a girl and a boy, Allah (swt) teaches us that we can interact within the needs of everyday life, for example as school peers, working on a school project together, or a community service activity or a volunteer assignment. This interact should not involve touching each other, flirting, private texting, or chatting in private online, or even with other friends where it might involve immodest language or comments.

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So examples of non-brotherly friendship is telling a boy that he looks fresh, or he is cute, or you want to go out with him, or asking him to join you to a snack at the shopping center after school. Although these seem innocent examples of interaction between a teen girl and boy, it leads to building of emotions and feelings towards one another. Islam is clear, Allah says do not come near fornication, and did not say do not commit fornication, the reason being is that examples like the ones above take us "near", so the idea is to ensure that we completely stay away.

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So what does one do if he likes a boy? It is very normal that a girl at a certain age start developing feeling towards some boys and might be interested in a particular person. Islam teaches us two things (1) how to deal with these feelings, (2) what to do to build healthy relationships. So as a starter we must exhibit self-restrain and control. Islam is all about patience and self-controlling our desires and temptations. We can also fast Mondays and Thursdays to practice patience and build piety "taqwa". Lastly, one should seek advise from a trusted adult, like a parent, teacher, coach. At ILIA we get approached by many young men and women who have interest in someone else, we work with the teen to communicate their feelings to the parents and help them develop a healthy relationship like getting engaged or sometimes even married if they are old enough.

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We hope this response was useful. drop us a line if you got more questions.

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Summary:
1. Brotherly relationship is ok
2. Brotherly means brotherly, not an innocent friendship, romantic is not brotherly
3. If we have feelings, (a) control them, (b) seek advice (c) consider getting engaged or married

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