Are you satisfied with being a human
i don't know how to answer this question really. being a human is good, to me at least, because i have no way to actually conceptualize being anything else. like, i can guess at what it would be like to be an ant or something, i guess, but everything i think about ants is grounded in me being human so...idk, being a human is okay, it feels impossible for me to feel satisfied or dissatisfied with it
What inspires you to create great art?
thank you for the compliment. i wouldn't probably ever describe my art as great, but i appreciate you saying it is.
making art...is an urge within myself that i don't understand, and which i feel guilty about. on some level, i think artists and writers should feel guilty. they should feel really bad, i think. because, at least to me, when i think about it, i could be spending the time i spend writing working at a food bank or homeless shelter. and when i weigh it out that way, it seems like i need to be very sure that i do not make art in the service of my own ego, and that my art has a legitimate chance to positively impact someone's life. i wonder when people will feel like they have enough. when will people look at art and say, "you know what, i think we've made enough of this, i like what i have, i'm happy"? i hope for that day, sort of. maybe that has happened to some extent, since the massive majority of the american population doesn't give a shit about contemporary art or literature. maybe that is a win. art production in its present state (post-death of the avant-garde) seems totally content with commodification. i see no compelling difference, on this level, between an ego-driven writer or artist and an agricultural company that relies on a systemic process of raping land in a never-ending process, because no one ever feels like they have enough. it's all just about the mining of resources to meet these capitalistic urges. the annihilation of the natural environment by capitalism is met by the annihilation of feeling by ego-driven art-making.
SO all of that being said, when i think about it rationally, there is no reason for me to make art. which makes it hard to answer your question, you know, because i don't think i can rationally explain it. it's a compulsion, i guess. when i am in healthy places in my life, i don't feel the need to produce art. so i think...maybe it's a catharsis, a wrenching of positive value from shitty experiences. i guess that's my official answer.
i know that i sound like a 100% dickhead by answering this question in this way, haha, and i'm sorry to do that. but i don't know, these are all things that have been on my mind a lot and i felt like i had to express them.
what's your fam situation like? how come you haven't talked to your mom in so long? do you talk to your dad? do you feel sad about not talking to either? do you consider family an important part of you? you don't have to answer
my mom and i have never really gotten along. she left my father the day after christmas one year when i was in high school, but didn't take me. i wouldn't have wanted her to, but still. i talk to my dad every once in a while. he is a nice guy but he mostly just calls me when he is drunk. i think both of my parents have the perception that i will be rich because i'm going to college (they didn't) and want money from me. i don't really feel sad not talking to them because i don't feel any type of allegiance to them. they chose to have a kid, which, is in my mind kind of selfish given that they didn't have the means to support it (me, lol). like, at the end of the day, i didn't choose my parents, but my parents chose me. family is not that important to me...but...i think the instability of my childhood causes me to crave some type of stability w/ friends and people i have relationships with. filling a lack or something
i think you are wonderful! love from ~anon
thank you :)
do you see yourself being full-time author eventually?
i don't think i ever want to be a full-time author. i want to do so many things. i think i will always want to write, but i have other goals, too. i want to be the longest-reigning jeopardy champion of all time
DO YOU BOOST
obviously, yes. frequently
Are you friends with Jakob Maier?
yeah. jakob is a nice guy and a talented musician.
are you hard on yourself or some kind of believer of delving into negativity to reach more constructive [thoughts, outcomes, whatever]? also, do you like thinking far into things or does it make your head become heavy?
yeah, i think i am definitely very hard on myself. much of why i don't produce as prolifically as a lot of people around me, i think, is that i am a perfectionist. i hate a lot of things i have written. that's just an example of one area that has been important, but yeah...i'm not sure that i like that about myself, but it also tends to make the things i end up putting out better in my eyes so i don't know. so yeah, i'm that way with a lot of things i think. i like thinking about things, yes, not sure how to measure "far" though...
something random: do you enjoy getting letters and what do you like about letters?
this might be an unpopular opinion, but i really don't get the thing with letters. this is just me speaking personally. like, if you want to send letters, of course, feel free. for me, though, it's like...didn't we invent the internet a while back? don't we have email? unless there is something physical that needs to be delivered, i don't really care for physical mail.
do you look forward to dying?
no, i like being alive
what is your favorite steve roggenbuck video?
this video was important for me:
it helped my self-esteem and encouraged me to share my poetry.
Have u been depressed or in mental confusion? How would you or do you get out of it
i've never been diagnosed with depression of any mental illness/disorder (part of not having gone to a doctor for ~8 years) but i have certainly felt depressed and in mental confusion. getting out of it, i think, depends a lot on the source it is coming from. there are probably different strategies for dealing with different circumstances. i think when i am depressed it is usually because ~~~girls~~~ (lol) so i just try to go out and meet new girls. that's for me though, lol.
why do this? (create a place for people to probe u) transparency? narcissism? (not judging, just asking)
a) unexpected amount of free time and increased amount of introspection
b) i realized that many of my friends from the internet know little to nothing about me, because i haven't shared much about myself prior to this and because my poems are not autobiographical
c) a sort of experiment with myself, to see how honest i can be, even with questions i don't want to answer at all. i don't want to publicly answer, for example, what my favorite sex position is, but i am glad that i was able to. keeping a promise of honesty with myself.
d) some of it is narcissism. i think if people know who i am they may be more interested in my work.
do u see yourself as disdainful
i think i can be disdainful toward certain people/things but i wouldn't characterize myself as disdainful in general.
what are most favorite movies?
my favorite movies are mulholland drive and inland empire
do you ever feel like when you really like a person that everything you say to them seems dumb to you after you've said it or typed it even if you felt like saying it in the moment you said it felt right or suumthin?// gdam feelings and luv
i only feel dumb like that if things end up going really really badly with, like, a lot of hostility or something. otherwise those things don't feel dumb to me.
have u consider live in new york. i hear there are many girl and kiss
i would only live in new york to go to school there. something about the city feels off-putting to me, although i've never had firsthand experience with it
the whole world sucks and being alive sucks good day
sometimes this is true, sometimes it isn't
who r the 5 most beautiful people u have met in person
that's a good question and a hard one to answer. i honestly don't think i can make a list of five, sorry.
How many poems have you written total that you've had published so far, and, if you had to choose a poem to cite as your favorite, what poem would be your favorite?
on a scale from barbara kruger to edward ruscha, how much do you like john baldessari
closer to ruscha, i'm not super down with baldessari but i haven't exposed myself to many of his things.
What kind of illegal shit do you like to do?
i told y'all not to do this. don't push me lol
would you like to live alone on an island with a person you fall in love with
sorry if it's twee, but yeah, that type of stuff appeals to me. ~~~TrUe RoMaNtIc~~~
do you like subtlety and do you think it can be beautiful in any sense
for sure. i think a lot of my work is rooted in a preference for subtlety. i would rather be subtle than overbearing...there is something about subtlety that i think can be beautiful in a lingering sense...a beauty that isn't able to be articulated. that is interesting to me.
i listened to falloutboy this is the emo person thanks i will listen to my chimeicl romants now
nice, good luck. they are one of my faves