Lily (sicklythin)
my reflection is empty, she does not want to be seen
1) I really don't think I get along with my therapist anymore. In the beginning, she was pretty nice but now I can't stand her. I used to restrict most of the time and then have 'planned' binges once a week to maintain my weight but since the summer I binge like every 2nd day and therefore gained
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2) quite some weight but on the opposite I began wanting to loose more and more and became really frustrated with myself. I was depressed before but now it has increased drastically. She still asked if I could imagine allowing myself a cookie everyday or something else so we could make progress. She
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3) doesn't even understand any of my psychological problems and lately I've already gained weight and she forces me to make myself feel even worse. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say? Would you say I should wait and see how we'll get along the next weeks/months or do you think I should
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4) look for a different therapist? Oh, & I had a different therapist before I started going to her who I liked better, but that one stopped working here so I had to look for a new one. (sorry for the length). hope you are okay. ♥
If waiting means to remain silent, then no. Talk to her about that, this is always the best option. You have nothing to lose. As a therapist she should be able to LISTEN and to deal with it. I always dislike it when therapy means talking about a fucking cookie as if this would change a thing. Food and weight - as long as you are in no medical danger, shouldn't be topics in psychological treatment, this only worsens the symptoms. She should be aware of that. If you realize that she obviously lacks of knowledge, you have every right to look for a better one. If you disapprove of something, there's no need to hide it. You are not there to please her. I hope you'll get the right treatment, hang in there! <3
I have really self-destructive behaviour, whenever something bad happens or i'm criticized, I instantly see a disgusting person in the mirror. Sometimes I go days without eating, but convince my parents i'm fine. Your blog, it's so beautiful and inspiring, and I want to try my best to stop all that.
I'm sure you already know what to do - if you want to. We are very similar I guess, I hope you don't lose hope, I'll keep you company...
You're so brave...and strong...Never give up on who you truly are. Remember that you are beautiful, and loved, and that you aren't alone. I'll be here til the end even if you don't know me <3
This message put a smile on my face, thank you so much my dear. xoxo
I'm thirteen I don't know how much I weigh because my scales are broken all my friends are smaller than m and Im embarrased to eat around them although theyre not anorexic or bulimic,they just have small body frames, im eating much less lately, I even cut myself out of depression.What does it mean?
What do you think? Does it even need to have any meaning? When I was your age I couldn't care less about weight, food and appearance. You shouldn't deal with this shit already... I don't know how severe it is, but nevertheless you seem to have a very low self-esteem and it might be helpful to concentrate on the things you are good at, the things you enjoy... Please take care :(
I don't know what to do. I don't wanna talk to anybody, even my bestfriend, about my ED or why I don't eat. But I'm not thin enough to be considered an anorexic. And I'm not sure I wanna get helped. I'm lost.
You feel lost. For now, this is okay. What you do next is up to you. You can stay in this dark place, or you reach out... Does it really matter to fit in a label? You are suffering, this is a matter of fact. You need help, but you are the one who needs to make the first step. It's often easier to talk to someone else than your friends and family. Keep your chin up, please...
Never give up. God loves you so much more than you think. He's the 100% available hotline. Keep going. People love you. ♥
I would rather be loved by people than any God. Thank you though, my best wishes x
Lily, always believe in yourself, and never give up on who you truly are on the inside. You ARE beautiful, and you aren't alone. Remember to stay strong, I know you can. I'm going to be here for you till the end. I love you. <3
Whoever you are, you've brighten my day. I am beyond thankful for that. Wish you well..
you said you are not forced to reach a healthy weight in treatment & I just wondered why that is? I mean, most therapists would want you to gain weight sooner or later, wouldn't they?
As long as my blood results and general medical condition are okay I am allowed to maintain the weight... My doc is pretty tolerant I guess. The main problem is my period, anything else isn't that bad I guess.
Oh Lily :( My best friends have been ignoring me lately, and its tearing me apart. I finally broke down, ended up cutting myself and ringing them in tears. They told me they find it too painful to be around me, watching my eating disorder and depression taking over me. I don't know what to do.
This is very painful, I am sorry for you :( Anyway, would you rather want them to support you knowing that they are suffering just as much and it's tearing them apart? They also have to protect themselves, as much as it hurts. If they are so close to you they for sure already feel guilty and still worry a lot. You have to talk to each other. It's important that you know what they think and feel and they need to know how they can help you. Professional help is what you need in the first place though, no matter if you want to get better or not. I'm here for you, please try to hang in there. xxxx
what is in your shoulder ?
I don't know what you have IN your shoulder, but mine is made up of three bones: the clavicle (collarbone), the scapula (shoulder blade), and the humerus (upper arm bone) as well as associated muscles, ligaments and tendons.
Do you ever see yourself as "thin" in photos, for instance? Because I've always had a pretty realistic body image (well, not as good as before all of it started, but in comparison with what everyone else seems to experience), it's just that I felt the fat on my body all the time... Whenever I didn't
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have my reflection around me, I though I looked obese. I always had to check myself out and I was getting anxious when I didn't have the chance.
The problem is, the more you concentrate on your reflection, the more "flaws" you will supposedly see. I sometimes feel like my body image is still pretty realistic, but my "ideals" got somewhat sicker and more disturbed. Like, I don't really feel fat but I have another idea of "thin" - if that makes any sense... Sometimes a glimpse of your reflection shows more of a truth than a daily check in the mirror.
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Hi. Me again (Hi. Do you remember...) Sorry for asking before reading. Already found your hint about the /page/# to get to the beginning of the story. Btw did you notice that you have almost 300 pages by now? Great job. Anyway. What do you expect to get from the treatment? Any immediate goals?
Oh wow, 300 pages, I had no idea! ;) What I get from treatment depends on my willingness to cooperate. I am not forced to reach a healthy weight, so this is not a goal of mine. I'd like to increase my self-esteem and body-image in the first place and to lessen the symptoms of my depression. This is an initial basis to finally become independent and start living again. An eating disorder needs to be replaced by new goals and challenges in life, so this would be the next target. You see, it's always easier said than done... I am pretty hopeless-lifeless-tired though. x
I have a friend(not a close friend) that doesnt have ED but shes hardly eating anything lately,she has terrible thoughts and Ive tried to talk to her but she doesnt think anythings wrong.When I was a little girl I hated eating(didnt actually have ED) but ended up in tubes in hospital.what do I do?
How do you know how much she really eats? For instance, I cannot eat in public, but I do eat when I'm alone. Maybe she feels the same, without even having an ED. What do you mean with "terrible thoughts"? Is she suicidal? If so, she needs to get help immediately. How old is she? However, you already let her know that you are there for her whenever she wants to talk and this is all you can do for now. It's tough, I know. Please take care of yourself in the first place, you are not responsible for her. Keep safe xx
Hi. Do you remember following moments? When you realised and started to accept that you are in serious trouble? How long since then before you shared with someone (not internet anonymous crowd)? What happened that you seek help instead of being in control to help yourself on your own?
Well, I was rather forced to seek help, I just felt like I didn't deserve any help for my destructive behavior. But I've already been inpatient before my eating disorder developed. So it didn't take much time until I finally got help. Unfortunately I've already lost a lot of weight at this point of time.
hey, could you explain your eating disorder? sorry, i just don't understand it. i dont understand the part about it being a lifestyle and not a choice, sorry <3
It is neither a "lifestyle" nor a "choice". A healthy mind wouldn't want to destroy itself willingly. I am mentally ill, and this disorder is one part of it, that is all. Maybe check out some pages on my blog, in case you still don't understand it... x
Hello...how do I get in touch with you via email?
any tips how to avoid binges?
http://joyproject.org/overcoming-eating-disorder/anti-binge-strategies/ Try to follow those tips, and keep an eye on your emotional triggers. You can get out... if it doesn't work on your own, reach out and seek help and support. Hope this helps... My best wishes xxx
I am feeling lost...I eat but I feel bad and when I dont eat I feel great but then I start to eat again and is a cycle that never ends....I am only ask you for help me, I dont know how....
You realized that you have a problem so please seek professional help love :/ Talk to someone you can trust. This also might be useful: http://www.something-fishy.org/reach/reachingin.php | Hang in there... xxx
I was worried about you, I haven't seen you uptade in days! Take care <3 xx
Yeah, I wanted to avoid triggering stuff, so this was the only option. I'll be back when I am more stable, promised <3