Ask @EspoirSilverLiningofYourCloud:

I met my childhood bff after 2 yrs. We are 18 n have known each other for 12 yrs. I went to other city to study class 11-12 n now we both in DU. She has changed so much now. She is mean n rude 2 everyone. She is selfish n other day she laughed at a girl for being fat. I dont like this. What to do?

Hey!
It's good to see that you're so concerned about your friend.
So first we suggest that you talk to her parents or close friends if you know them. Learn about any previous experience which may have led to her this behavior.
Also, if will be of great help if anyone can directly talk to her. Maybe there is something troubling her which she is unable to share.
Also, this behavior problem could also be due to this sudden change. Leaving school and joining College is a drastic change of life. Sometimes we are not completely able to adjust to it. Maybe she hasn't got good company. Our peers affect us deeply.
So, we hope that you or someone talk to her and are able to find the root of the problem. You can contact us again also.
All the best :)

View more

I hate the college I got into. I have finished 3 semesters. But the college is not good. I love the subject. The college is pulling me down. I don't even wish to attend classes. I have 2-3 friends and they are nice. But I feel ashamed of the college I am in. All friends are in great colleges in DU.

Hey!
First, You need to know that names of colleges and institutions do not define our life. After some years, no one will bother to know which college you had gone to. So you shouldn't feel bad about it. You love your subject so that matters. Keep your focus on it and try to do well.
Also, half of the time has already gone. Now is the time where you have to focus on internships and coachings. Instead of worrying about your recent college, plan your future courses and institution.
Plus, Du is a place where you can afford to miss classes. So if on a day you feel too low, miss college and go out with your friends.
So, focus on the good things, plan your future and work towards it. After 2-3, it won't even matter to to you that you went to this college.
Wish you all the best for future :)

View more

I lyk a guy bt he dsnt knw dt I exist. He tokd 2 me 1 or 2 tyms. Not meaningful. He ws in rltnshp long bak n he is single. I wnt him 2 knw dat I lyk him but dont want 2 luk despr8. We knw each othr via common frnds. But he doesnt tok 2 me much cos we dont meet. Just 1ce we met. How to make him tok?

HEY THERE...
It might be hard for you to directly confront the guy so you can look for other ways to get to know him. if you have mutual friends then u can ask them what the guy is like , what his interests are etc. this way you can have some idea about him.
secondly try talking to him when all your friends are present as it is might be difficult to approach him when you are alone. you'll be more comfortable when other people are around you and there wont be any awkwardness.
You can try finding out any common interest between you two and then message him casually asking him about them or bring them up when u see him . SO just try to begin a conversation casually whenever it is possible.
Keep trying :) and we hope this helps.
take care :)

View more

I am 23 and a working man. My best friend, a girl is in love with another girl. But this girl doesn't love my friend back. She is straight. And my friend is slowly slipping into depression. She feels being homosexual is wrong. I try to talk to her but cannot be much help. What to do?

hey...
Ok first of all u have to let her know that rejection is a part of life. whether heterosexual or homosexual, rejection is faced by almost every person. u have to make sure that she understands that it is not in someone's hand. its all fate. it can be hard to deal with but it is not impossible. Each and everyone of us can find love. she will definitely find it too. there is someone who will be lucky enough to have her and will be the right person.
secondly , tell her that there is absolutely nothing wrong in being homosexual. just because she is homosexual , it doesnt mean that she is capable of doing nothing. infact she is capable of achieving everything that she wants to. you can give her real life examples of homosexual people who are at peaks and have achieved great heights in their careers , have found true love and are happy.
this way she will understand that she isnt alone , and that she can conquer anything she wants to.
its good to know that u are out there supporting her. continue to do so.
.
hope this helps :)
take care.

View more

I joined MNC 2 yrs ago. I didnt really want to get into HR but it paid well n was nearby so I took it up. Now am getting a job that I love, it doesnt pay this well n is far. I also met a guy at this MNC n we are in a relationship now. I don't know if to leave cos of money, near factor and also guy.

Hey!
First, it totally depends on your love and passion for this new job. If you really really love it, then none of the other things should matter.
But you have to be really sure. Sometimes we may like things from a view , but when we have to go through it ,they don't seem that nice. So if you know that this job is what you want to do, then you should go for it.
Also, because you love your work it will be easy for you to rise in your job.
The guy, if he is serious for you, will surely find a way to maintain a good relationship. Many people do stay away and they are successful in their relationship. For this talk you have to him and tell him all about your thoughts. If he truly loves you, he would not only understand but will also support you.
We believe that sometimes you have to make some changes in life so as to grow as a human. So if your heart is totally in this new job then go for it.
Wish you all the best :)

View more

CONTINUED-he do loves me,we had a physical relationship as well. What he does for me, he thinks that its enough for me. I gave him my everything, i'm always into it. And i have really small expectations from him. I feel disappointed later. I do love him but can't stay on such loss. Please help.

Hey, first of all, we are really sorry to be late in answering your question.
Moving on, we think that you should sort out your feelings first. You need to decide if you actually do love him. If yes, then do you love him enough to stay with him?
The problem might also lie at the root, or the beginning of your relationship. If you weren't mentally and emotionally compatible, then you shouldn't have got into this. However, the true nature of a person cannot be judged so soon. And the past can't be changed either.
As you say, you aren't satisfied with what you are getting out of the relationship, then there's no point of being in it. Any kind of a relation, not just a bf-gf one, is based on mutual feelings, trust, and give and take. You can't just be giving and not gaining anything back.
Also, talk to some common friends that you two have. He might have some behavioural problem. He might have dependency issues.
Don't worry that you've been physically intimate with him. That is fine. Of course, a relationship where you are sharing such a bond might be difficult to let go off. But you need to think about yourself a bit.
It is easy to get into a relationship because the idea is fascinating. But people don't think about all its aspects. You need to do that. Asap.
Think about your feelings. Talk to your common friends. Don't worry, you are not being selfish. You are just caring about yourself. And that is NOT wrong.
We hope you get out of situation in the best way. :)

View more

I like a guy. He gives me hints that he likes me. We have many things in common. However our conversations are restricted. When we click we CLICK. Then at times we have nothing to talk. Suggestions to make talks interesting? Don't ask me to be myself & talk about our interests. Something different.

Hey!
We know it can be difficult at times to talk to someone you like, even if you have several similar interests.
Why don't you try talking to him over messages - Facebook, WhatsApp, any platform which suits both of you? There are several people who can talk better over messages than when they are face to face.
Talk to him through messages and you might get more comfortable with each other. This way, when you meet, you might have a better connection and more things to talk about. :)

View more

Hey. A major problem in my life is that I'm too inhibited. I can't talk, express, relax, make friends, participate in activities I want to. I started college this year and seeing other people going about their lives in such unclenched ways I feel useless.

Hello!
We believe that everyone is unique. You need to understand that every person is different. Thus, being an introvert is completely fine. It is not something useless or a weakness.
But then all your life you cannot remain like this. You will have to go out and interact. And this will take time.
You feel shy or uncomfortable while interacting. This is completely understandable. So stay with one or two people. Go and talk to ones whom you trust to an extend. It is not important to have many friends. Be with people you can rely on. they can be less in number.
Also we suggest you that go for activities that don't require much interaction. Creative writing or art or a sport. This will help you become more confident.
Plus, start writing. whenever you feel like, but do write. This helps us vent our feelings and understand ourselves better. You will slowly realize your strengths and weaknesses.
Hope this helps you . Wish you all the best :)

View more

i'm in 2mnth old long distance(i knw him from 6mnths).He's a bit elder to me and claims to b working all day unline before wen we were friends. i feel ignored and lost connection.He lied to me and comes home again and melts me somehow.He can miss office for his frnds but not when he knows m hurt.

Hi. :)
Long distance relationships are tough. They are more difficult than the so-called normal relationships. Once you two start living far away, it becomes easy to grow apart. However, this does not mean that you stop loving each other.
You should have a talk with him. As you know, nothing helps better than talking. Let him know whatever you are feeling. Both of you need to make an equal effort to maintain the relationship. We are not saying that you aren't putting an effort. But something more needs to be done.
Talk to him and let him know your situation. If he gets to know your feelings, he might be able to provide with a reason for behaviour and/or correct his behaviour.
Also, we think that we need more information about the lies part to help you out with it. Feel free to ask us any further questions. You can message us on Facebook too.
Talking helps, trust us. :)

View more

I am 23 years old. I want to continue studying, get a PhD. My parents want me to get married and then study. I know that if I get married, even if I have permission, I might not have time. My fiancée is supportive and so is his family. They love me. But what if things dont turn out in my favour?

Hello! :)
First things first, one should get married if and only they wish to. It is a very big decision of your life and you cannot take it according to your parents or the society or anyone for that matter. So, if you wish to get married, then you should.
Next, you should talk it out with your parents, your fiancée and his family. Let them know of your ambitions of getting a PhD and explain it to them clearly that it might take time. Also, you will need to prioritise things, and explain your priorities to them.
If you really wish to go for further education, then that should be your top priority. We understand that marriage carries a lot of baggage with it and soon you will be laid up with expectations. But this is what you need to make clear from the beginning, that you will give your career the topmost spot on your list.
Besides, if your fiancée and his family are loving and supportive as you say, then there might not be much of a problem with it. If they care about you, they will give you this much freedom.
Talk to them, set your priorities and explain everything to everyone.
We hope and believe that you will get all that you wish for. All the best. :)

View more

My dad does not like if I hang out with boys. I am adult now in 2nd year of college and I should be allowed to make decisions about who I want to be friends with. Amma never minds and is open-minded but dad doesn't approve of it. I have to lie at times. I am sick of this and don't know what to do.

Hi!
You could take help from your mother or any other family member that you feel comfortable and ask them to talk to your dad to resolve the issue !
You could also try and talk to your dad yourself , understand his point of view and that he might be right, ''might'' and then once you listen to what your dad has to say you could reason it out with him!
Tell him your point of view too in detail rather than lying to him , put confidence in him and explain it to him that the guys you hang out with are your friends ! And that you're an adult capable of making your own decisions like you stated! :)

View more

If one person is physically scarred and another is emotionally scarred. Do you think that it is possible to be in a relationship with them? If yes, then with whom and why? I am confused as to if it is okay to be together with any of them. Will they love me?

Hey!
You should understand that our scars do not define us. Neither physical, nor emotional. Everyone has their share of baggage which they carry. EVERYONE. And all we need is a person who can share our baggage, and whose we can share. We look for a mutual relationship.
First of all, if a person is good natured, then physical looks don't matter. So if your think that the physically scarred person has a good heart, go for it.
Secondly, everyone is capable of loving others and has a right to be loved. So if you feel that the emotionally scarred person meets your mental level, he/she deserves your love.
But you need to keep in account your needs too. It should not be that you keep on taking care of another person and you get neglected in the process. You need to love yourself, love the other person, and make sure that the other person loves you back. Not necessarily in that order, but preferably Yes.
Wish you a happy future! You will make the right choice, we trust you. :)

View more

if love is not expressed in actions n only in those 3 words, is it still a true love?as i know n as i love him, it is shown in my actions like appreciating him for little things,looking after him,adoring him, loving his imperfections,sacrificing things just when he needs me,taking care of his needs.

It is easy to throw around words. One can casually say that they love you or care for you, and not mean it. What matters are the actions of the person. Love, in its purest form is expressed through actions. Also, it is not necessary to express your love in three words and some might not be able to say it in words. If the person actually cares, it is clearly visible through their actions. It is the little things that count. :)

View more

I applied for a short term course in Canada and I have to leave next week. Earlier I was very excited as this has been my life long dream. But now I am having cold feet. I am scared and I don't want to go. I already feel homesick with people seeing me off and saying farewell. I am unsure. Help?

Hey!.
First of all what you're feeling is totally normal. Everyone feels this before leaving home. So no need to worry too much.
As this has been your dream for so long, feel happy that it is finally coming true. It is not a forced decision.
Have hope in your dreams and simply go. Every body doesn't get a chance to live their dreams.
Focus on the fact that you have worked so hard and for so long to accomplish this. This is your golden opportunity. Everything is going to be good. :)
Wish you all the best for future. Enjoy and be happy!

View more

i want to study but i cant concentrate.. actually am always on phone and my parents always point me out which anger me.. once i pick up phone to chat it is hard to stop.. in the end i am in pressure.. help and guide me how to concentrate and study.. i want good marks and do well.. help me a little.

Hi :)
It is a very good thing that you genuinely want to perform well in your studies and get good grades. Since your heart is set upon it, the rest of your journey will be easy.
It is not uncommon to lose focus while studying and get busy in activities like watching TV and using your phone. Here are a few tips that can help you overcome this. You will need to see which of these methods suits you the most.
1) Regulate your study and leisure time. Decide on how much you want to complete and how much time you need for that. Keep incentives and rewards for yourself on completion. Like your phone can be a reward. If you don't reach your goal, be strict and punish yourself too.
2) You can degrade your phone to a smaller one like the nokia handsets which only have calling and messaging as the main features till the time you have your exams.
3) Know what's the main reason for your distraction. If there are a particular group of people you talk to, then decide a time when you all can talk. Complete your studies before that. This could also act as an incentive.
4) Set self reminders if you begin to lose focus while studying. These can act as a force to push you back in the subject. You can note or mark how many times you lost your focus so that you are internally regulated.
5) Ask someone to invigilate you. Like your mother. This way you cannot divert from the topic.
6) Group studies also work well.
All these can be hard at first but eventually you will find that you are improving.
Also know that your parents scold you for your own benefit. Talk to them if this angers you and device a study plan including them in it. They will feel satisfied this way.
We hope that you reach your goals and ace your exams.
All the best :)

View more

My frnd circle is considrd xclusive n ppl lookup to us at school (12th grade). We r considrd beautiful n intligent. But my frnds r mean to odrs. Jst lyk in the movie mean girls. They tease backbite spread rumours humiliate others. But every1 still lyks them. I h8 dis bt cant leave them cos v r frns.

Hi,
Don't worry, we completely understand your situation. The best thing to do in your case, is let the things be as they are. In an ideal situation you could have left the group slowly by creating more and more distance, but of course that's not an easy task. Also considering it's your 12th, and this is a very crucial time, any unnecessary problems could affect your studies.
Keep your personal distance from them. Don't identify yourself with them. You are what you believe. So understand that being in that group doesn't make you like them. Limit your interactions and do only the stuff that your conscience agrees with.
You should talk to few of your close friends if you feel that they would understand you and your feelings. Talking always helps.
Soon you will start afresh. And none of this will matter. Don't give it much of a thought, focus on yourself and your studies.
All the best :)

View more

Have been seeing a psychiatrist regularly for 2 yrs now. He has said that these emotional turbulances are a side effect & will wear off. Don't know when, but they will. I don't know how to deal with it in the meantime. Not knowing how much more time I will have to live like this makes it even worse.

Hi again,
We get it that its tough, and its hard to even imagine what you must be facing. And on a time like this the advice we are about to give will seem impossible but trust us you just need to hang on. Just keep your faith.
When going through tough times you can choose your disposition about your position, you can either decide going through the motion or growing through it.
Try and understand, you are not alone. You can join support groups and online communities where you can share your story.
Keep a journal. Write what you feel.
When you feel very low and it seems that the only way is to end all this, just take a paper and list 10 things you are grateful about, like water, food, your breath, really anything. It will instantly make you feel better.
Most of all remember that you have fought schizophrenia. You defeated it, and if you are strong enough to do that, you are strong enough to do anything.
You're a hero. And nothing in this world will change that. 10 years from now, you will look back and know that all happened for a good reason.
All your problems have been solved already. You just have to reach that future moment.
All we can say is do whatever you want, whatever that makes you happy, but dont lose hope! Never ever lose hope! It will all pass. And you will be fine. Trust us!

View more

Diagnosed with schizo 2 yrs back, meds, symptoms gone 8 months ago. Having emotional ups & downs (side effect) since then. Fine 1 moment, trivial things break me down, cry a lot, fine again. Continuous cycle that I can't stop. The breaking down-back on track makes me wanna sleep/run away/end it all.

Hi
We cannot say much as we need to know more about you. But we would suggest you to talk to your family about your problem because at this moment they can be your greatest strength and support and lastly we would advice you to consult a psychiatrist.
All the best and stay happy.

View more

Buddy.. I am 20.. I liked a boy and told him 7-8 months ago.. He was not wanting commitment bcos of his recent breakup so he said to wait.. Now he wants to be my bf.. He proposed me to be his gf.. I like him still.. But if he loved me why didnt he be with me 7-8 months ago.. Why now..? What to do..?

Hi,
You shouldn't think so much into it. If he just got out of a relationship it is understandable that he would have been upset, or not completely over the previous girl. Also, feelings take time to develop. So it's really okay that he took his time, rather it's healthy for both you and him.
We would like to say though, make sure that you still have feelings for him and he feels the same way. If you are entering a relationship be sure, don't have any doubts. Only then will it last.
Just stop thinking and do what your heart tells you to. After all you cannot make heart's decisions via brain.
All the best :)

View more

Is it normal to feel lonely the moment people leave you? As in not permanently leave you. But as in when we stop talking for the night or part ways for the day. I am happy when I am with people. But sad when I don't talk or meet them. Is this normal? Or wrong?

Hey!
There is no such thing as normal. What is "normal" for the spider, is chaos for the fly. People are wired differently. And it is fine that you seek social interactions or company. However, this should not make you feel expressed or lonely. Since it is only for a while, you need to know that people cannot always be with you. The separation you are talking about is only for a few hours. And that is what life will always be like. Even when you live with someone, they will need their space.
Plus Individual time is equally important. You should look forward to spend some quality time with your own self . initially you can engage in certain activities which you can enjoy alone. Like going for walks or reading or maybe some dancing and singing at home. Do things that will make you hastily to be with yourself.
In life both times are important. So try and be balanced:)

View more

Is premarital sex bad? Itne saalo se jo chala aa rha hai, uss hisab se toh husband wife shadi k baad ek dusre ki shakal dekhte hai. Toh previous generations ko yeh modern cheeze achi nhi lagti. But I love my bf and have been with him for 4 years. I am 23, an adult. Is it wrong if I sleep with my bf?

Hi,
First of all, NO, premarital sex is not a bad thing. It's an old notion which used to be prevalent in our society, it's changing and changing for good.
It is actually entirely your choice. If your gut feeling say that it is the right thing to do then you should do it. Although we would definitely like to say that sex is a sensitive issue. It is the highest form of intimacy two people can indulge in. And you should be 100% sure that your partner is the right guy. Ask yourself what you feel and then act accordingly. We understand that 4 years count. But you still need to give it a thought. Don't abstain because the society says so or any of that shit. But yes, abstain if you feel that it is not the right time or he is not ready or you are not ready.
The "hunch" is never wrong.
We are sure you will make the right decision. :)

View more

I'm 21, girl.Been bff with a guy for 5 years.We spend lot of time together & love each others company but not romantically.Now people have started teasing us that we are couple.They say a guy & girl can never be only good friends.It is affecting our friendship.We are apprehensive 2 even meet.Advice?

Hello,
First things first, talk it out with your friend. If both of you are on the same page, that is, if both of you are okay with being friends as before, then continue to do so.
If you care about each other, then you should not care about what others will think or say about your friendship. People will always criticise, it is the basic human nature. The reason behind them teasing you might be childish, as the children in schools do. They might not even mean to break you two apart. Moreover, they might not even know how it is affecting both of you.
Also, a girl and a guy CAN be best friends, and there are many people who have had such friendships with the opposite sex. It is normal and natural. Everyone should start accepting that. It is a stupid stereotype and we need to get over it. You don't know who you click with on an emotional and intellectual level. And if that person is from the opposite sex, as I said before, there is nothing wrong with it.
Being close to someone for five years accounts for something. And if you too love and care for each other, you should not let that go. It is not easy to find someone who you connect to. Don't lose it just because of what people are saying.
Have a talk with your friend. Things will sort out in the end. :)

View more

Hello espoir. All my friends have bfs. I felt leftout so I lied that I have 1 too. I made up whole story. But such a guy does not exist and now they ask for photos and all. I don't know what to do. Please dont tell me to say the truth. I cannot. I know truth is good. But I cannot. Suggest something?

Hi,
Your question was very complex. And frankly speaking, a few of our friends have gone through the same thing that you are going through right now and we know it is very difficult to handle this situation. We appreciate this fact that you atleast know the difference between right and wrong. We'll help you but remember one thing that we are not supporting your lie and we hope you know that the truth is always right. It is understandable that you lied due to peer pressure. But get this, being single is not a bad thing. Of course most of us want to be with someone and share our love for each other. But it is not a necessity to an extent that you need to make up things. All that leads to a mess, and you must have understood that till now. In any case, we do not want to preach or impose anything on you. Regardless, we think that you can move in one of the following directions-
1. Come clean. Your true friends and peers would understand your situation. Tell them all that you felt and are feeling right now. Yes, we know and understand the reasons for which you dont want to go through with this way, but still it's the most uncomplicated way to solve the problem.
2. Make up a break-up story. You will be required to act a bit and the lie will become complicated. The problem of photos would still remain but you could say he doesn't like getting his photos clicked or that you deleted them in spite. Though keep in mind this will only delay truth telling and you could "get caught". There will be a hype for some time but you could say that you don't wanna talk about it and then gradually stop bringing this topic up. Eventually they will forget and your problem will be solved. But you have to be very careful in future to always say the same things. Also know, this is not the way we are promoting.
3. We would recommend you to contact us personally. Message us or email us and we can have a detailed talk about this.
But please remember, telling the truth is always the right way.
All the best girl. :)

View more

no. i have always been away from people. and it does not affect me. but others say it is not good. i don't want to spend much time with them. little time is good. but not partying and going out frequently. they say i should be more social. but i don't want to. there is nothing wrong with that right?

No dear there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with you! No two people are same and uniqueness should be celebrated not hidden or stigmatized. Do whatever makes you happy and you will realise that those who truly care about you, any amount of time spent with them wont ever feel burdened.
Just be who you are, cause you are amazing and that is the truth!!
:)

View more

is there something wrong with being not social? i dont like meeting people and going out and clicking pics and posting everything on fb. i have limited friends and never have a boyfriend. i like my company more than others. is there something wrong with me?

Hey!
First of all, you need to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be in your own company. Trust me, you are blessed in a way. Because people in general want to be with others and be accepted. It is commendable that you are able to stay alone. Know one thing, there is a difference between being Alone and being Lonely. Just because you want to spend time alone does not mean that you are lonely. It is totally acceptable. As per the limited friends that you have, there is nothing wrong with that too. One should always keep a few people close. Of course, it is good if you interact with many people, but it is better to keep just a few people close to yourself. Also, please don't think that if you don't have a boyfriend, there is something wrong with you. There is no compulsion or necessity for it.
We would also like to know, if you wish to share, if this has always been so, or have you started disliking social interactions after a particular time.

View more

Next