@EspoirSilverLiningofYourCloud

Espoir

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I'm 21, girl.Been bff with a guy for 5 years.We spend lot of time together & love each others company but not romantically.Now people have started teasing us that we are couple.They say a guy & girl can never be only good friends.It is affecting our friendship.We are apprehensive 2 even meet.Advice?

Espoir

September 22, 2015

Hello,

First things first, talk it out with your friend. If both of you are on the same page, that is, if both of you are okay with being friends as before, then continue to do so.

If you care about each other, then you should not care about what others will think or say about your friendship. People will always criticise, it is the basic human nature. The reason behind them teasing you might be childish, as the children in schools do. They might not even mean to break you two apart. Moreover, they might not even know how it is affecting both of you.

Also, a girl and a guy CAN be best friends, and there are many people who have had such friendships with the opposite sex. It is normal and natural. Everyone should start accepting that. It is a stupid stereotype and we need to get over it. You don't know who you click with on an emotional and intellectual level. And if that person is from the opposite sex, as I said before, there is nothing wrong with it.

Being close to someone for five years accounts for something. And if you too love and care for each other, you should not let that go. It is not easy to find someone who you connect to. Don't lose it just because of what people are saying.

Have a talk with your friend. Things will sort out in the end. :)

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Latest answers from Espoir

I met my childhood bff after 2 yrs. We are 18 n have known each other for 12 yrs. I went to other city to study class 11-12 n now we both in DU. She has changed so much now. She is mean n rude 2 everyone. She is selfish n other day she laughed at a girl for being fat. I dont like this. What to do?

January 02, 2016

Hey!
It's good to see that you're so concerned about your friend.
So first we suggest that you talk to her parents or close friends if you know them. Learn about any previous experience which may have led to her this behavior.
Also, if will be of great help if anyone can directly talk to her. Maybe there is something troubling her which she is unable to share.

Also, this behavior problem could also be due to this sudden change. Leaving school and joining College is a drastic change of life. Sometimes we are not completely able to adjust to it. Maybe she hasn't got good company. Our peers affect us deeply.

So, we hope that you or someone talk to her and are able to find the root of the problem. You can contact us again also.
All the best :)

I hate the college I got into. I have finished 3 semesters. But the college is not good. I love the subject. The college is pulling me down. I don't even wish to attend classes. I have 2-3 friends and they are nice. But I feel ashamed of the college I am in. All friends are in great colleges in DU.

December 22, 2015

Hey!
First, You need to know that names of colleges and institutions do not define our life. After some years, no one will bother to know which college you had gone to. So you shouldn't feel bad about it. You love your subject so that matters. Keep your focus on it and try to do well.
Also, half of the time has already gone. Now is the time where you have to focus on internships and coachings. Instead of worrying about your recent college, plan your future courses and institution.
Plus, Du is a place where you can afford to miss classes. So if on a day you feel too low, miss college and go out with your friends.

So, focus on the good things, plan your future and work towards it. After 2-3, it won't even matter to to you that you went to this college.

Wish you all the best for future :)

I lyk a guy bt he dsnt knw dt I exist. He tokd 2 me 1 or 2 tyms. Not meaningful. He ws in rltnshp long bak n he is single. I wnt him 2 knw dat I lyk him but dont want 2 luk despr8. We knw each othr via common frnds. But he doesnt tok 2 me much cos we dont meet. Just 1ce we met. How to make him tok?

December 20, 2015

HEY THERE...

It might be hard for you to directly confront the guy so you can look for other ways to get to know him. if you have mutual friends then u can ask them what the guy is like , what his interests are etc. this way you can have some idea about him.
secondly try talking to him when all your friends are present as it is might be difficult to approach him when you are alone. you'll be more comfortable when other people are around you and there wont be any awkwardness.
You can try finding out any common interest between you two and then message him casually asking him about them or bring them up when u see him . SO just try to begin a conversation casually whenever it is possible.
Keep trying :) and we hope this helps.
take care :)

I am 23 and a working man. My best friend, a girl is in love with another girl. But this girl doesn't love my friend back. She is straight. And my friend is slowly slipping into depression. She feels being homosexual is wrong. I try to talk to her but cannot be much help. What to do?

December 19, 2015

hey...
Ok first of all u have to let her know that rejection is a part of life. whether heterosexual or homosexual, rejection is faced by almost every person. u have to make sure that she understands that it is not in someone's hand. its all fate. it can be hard to deal with but it is not impossible. Each and everyone of us can find love. she will definitely find it too. there is someone who will be lucky enough to have her and will be the right person.
secondly , tell her that there is absolutely nothing wrong in being homosexual. just because she is homosexual , it doesnt mean that she is capable of doing nothing. infact she is capable of achieving everything that she wants to. you can give her real life examples of homosexual people who are at peaks and have achieved great heights in their careers , have found true love and are happy.
this way she will understand that she isnt alone , and that she can conquer anything she wants to.
its good to know that u are out there supporting her. continue to do so.
.
hope this helps :)
take care.

I joined MNC 2 yrs ago. I didnt really want to get into HR but it paid well n was nearby so I took it up. Now am getting a job that I love, it doesnt pay this well n is far. I also met a guy at this MNC n we are in a relationship now. I don't know if to leave cos of money, near factor and also guy.

December 18, 2015

Hey!

First, it totally depends on your love and passion for this new job. If you really really love it, then none of the other things should matter.
But you have to be really sure. Sometimes we may like things from a view , but when we have to go through it ,they don't seem that nice. So if you know that this job is what you want to do, then you should go for it.
Also, because you love your work it will be easy for you to rise in your job.
The guy, if he is serious for you, will surely find a way to maintain a good relationship. Many people do stay away and they are successful in their relationship. For this talk you have to him and tell him all about your thoughts. If he truly loves you, he would not only understand but will also support you.

We believe that sometimes you have to make some changes in life so as to grow as a human. So if your heart is totally in this new job then go for it.
Wish you all the best :)

CONTINUED-he do loves me,we had a physical relationship as well. What he does for me, he thinks that its enough for me. I gave him my everything, i'm always into it. And i have really small expectations from him. I feel disappointed later. I do love him but can't stay on such loss. Please help.

November 14, 2015

Hey, first of all, we are really sorry to be late in answering your question.

Moving on, we think that you should sort out your feelings first. You need to decide if you actually do love him. If yes, then do you love him enough to stay with him?

The problem might also lie at the root, or the beginning of your relationship. If you weren't mentally and emotionally compatible, then you shouldn't have got into this. However, the true nature of a person cannot be judged so soon. And the past can't be changed either.

As you say, you aren't satisfied with what you are getting out of the relationship, then there's no point of being in it. Any kind of a relation, not just a bf-gf one, is based on mutual feelings, trust, and give and take. You can't just be giving and not gaining anything back.

Also, talk to some common friends that you two have. He might have some behavioural problem. He might have dependency issues.

Don't worry that you've been physically intimate with him. That is fine. Of course, a relationship where you are sharing such a bond might be difficult to let go off. But you need to think about yourself a bit.

It is easy to get into a relationship because the idea is fascinating. But people don't think about all its aspects. You need to do that. Asap.

Think about your feelings. Talk to your common friends. Don't worry, you are not being selfish. You are just caring about yourself. And that is NOT wrong.

We hope you get out of situation in the best way. :)

I like a guy. He gives me hints that he likes me. We have many things in common. However our conversations are restricted. When we click we CLICK. Then at times we have nothing to talk. Suggestions to make talks interesting? Don't ask me to be myself & talk about our interests. Something different.

October 25, 2015

Hey!

We know it can be difficult at times to talk to someone you like, even if you have several similar interests.

Why don't you try talking to him over messages - Facebook, WhatsApp, any platform which suits both of you? There are several people who can talk better over messages than when they are face to face.

Talk to him through messages and you might get more comfortable with each other. This way, when you meet, you might have a better connection and more things to talk about. :)

Hey. A major problem in my life is that I'm too inhibited. I can't talk, express, relax, make friends, participate in activities I want to. I started college this year and seeing other people going about their lives in such unclenched ways I feel useless.

October 25, 2015

Hello!
We believe that everyone is unique. You need to understand that every person is different. Thus, being an introvert is completely fine. It is not something useless or a weakness.
But then all your life you cannot remain like this. You will have to go out and interact. And this will take time.

You feel shy or uncomfortable while interacting. This is completely understandable. So stay with one or two people. Go and talk to ones whom you trust to an extend. It is not important to have many friends. Be with people you can rely on. they can be less in number.
Also we suggest you that go for activities that don't require much interaction. Creative writing or art or a sport. This will help you become more confident.
Plus, start writing. whenever you feel like, but do write. This helps us vent our feelings and understand ourselves better. You will slowly realize your strengths and weaknesses.
Hope this helps you . Wish you all the best :)

i'm in 2mnth old long distance(i knw him from 6mnths).He's a bit elder to me and claims to b working all day unline before wen we were friends. i feel ignored and lost connection.He lied to me and comes home again and melts me somehow.He can miss office for his frnds but not when he knows m hurt.

October 24, 2015

Hi. :)

Long distance relationships are tough. They are more difficult than the so-called normal relationships. Once you two start living far away, it becomes easy to grow apart. However, this does not mean that you stop loving each other.

You should have a talk with him. As you know, nothing helps better than talking. Let him know whatever you are feeling. Both of you need to make an equal effort to maintain the relationship. We are not saying that you aren't putting an effort. But something more needs to be done.

Talk to him and let him know your situation. If he gets to know your feelings, he might be able to provide with a reason for behaviour and/or correct his behaviour.

Also, we think that we need more information about the lies part to help you out with it. Feel free to ask us any further questions. You can message us on Facebook too.

Talking helps, trust us. :)

I am 23 years old. I want to continue studying, get a PhD. My parents want me to get married and then study. I know that if I get married, even if I have permission, I might not have time. My fiancée is supportive and so is his family. They love me. But what if things dont turn out in my favour?

October 23, 2015

Hello! :)

First things first, one should get married if and only they wish to. It is a very big decision of your life and you cannot take it according to your parents or the society or anyone for that matter. So, if you wish to get married, then you should.

Next, you should talk it out with your parents, your fiancée and his family. Let them know of your ambitions of getting a PhD and explain it to them clearly that it might take time. Also, you will need to prioritise things, and explain your priorities to them.

If you really wish to go for further education, then that should be your top priority. We understand that marriage carries a lot of baggage with it and soon you will be laid up with expectations. But this is what you need to make clear from the beginning, that you will give your career the topmost spot on your list.

Besides, if your fiancée and his family are loving and supportive as you say, then there might not be much of a problem with it. If they care about you, they will give you this much freedom.

Talk to them, set your priorities and explain everything to everyone.

We hope and believe that you will get all that you wish for. All the best. :)

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