My partner is a switch who wants me to be dominant, but I'm such a sub that I don't know what to do. Every time I try dominating, I get scared. How do I please him without feeling nervous that I'm not doing well enough?
We have an advice column on this topic, available here: https://www.feralattraction.com/advice/learning-to-be-more-dominant-in-bed
I have fantasies about horse anatomy. Not with an actual horse but with a dildo. The problem is, I am in a relationship with the love of my life from high school and I am worried it may ruin our future together. How do I deal with this? Is this okay or wrong? Should I tell him? Please give me help.
It isn't wrong to fantasize about getting fucked by a horse or to use a dildo to help you enjoy that fantasy. Thoughtcrimes aren't really a thing unless you internalize a lot of shame. However, that said, your partner might not be able to understand or empathize with this desire very well, so it may or may not be something you need to share with your partner. It might be a good idea to discuss how your partner feels about kink and paraphilia more generally before admitting that you yourself have this particular kink, to gauge how your partner might respond. If it turns out your partner wouldn't really like to know about this kind of fantasy, you have the option of keeping it to yourself. How you masturbate isn't really something anyone else has a right to determine for you unless you are in a power exchange relationship; make sure you aren't doing anything risky or that falls outside of your relationship terms, and you can safely enjoy your kinks in private where they cannot damage your relationship. It is certainly a better idea to be fully open and honest, but only you know whether your partner would be able to receive that information in a loving and empathetic way.
I have erectile dysfunction issues, cannot take viagra or similar pills, and unfortunately am in my mid twenties. I still want to have fun, and exclusively top but the idea of explaining a penis pump to potential partners is incredibly embarrassing. Any advice?
As a top, you will frequently be expected to be in control of the situation and to be self-assured. You can still project those qualities even if you need some help with getting hard. Practice becoming confident with your pump and making it a sexual part of foreplay. "Now we get to make my penis hard so I can fuck you" sounds a lot hotter than apologizing for needing a pump and making it sound like a bad thing. It's all about how you present yourself and the confidence you have.
I'm currently 15 and have been dating a guy (we both like each other very much) for a month now. I'm technically not allowed to date until I'm 16 (6 months). My parents won't let me go to his house (mine are ok with him coming here), but his mom is not. What should I do? Should I talk to his mom?
It might be a good idea for you and your parents and him and his parents to all go out for dinner together in order to develop comfort and some kind of rapport. It's much easier to say no to someone you don't know than it is to say no to someone in person. When you and your parents make it clear that you're not a threat, there is a good chance his parents will become more okay with him spending time at your place.
If you have a boyfriend who doesn't speak his mind how do try and get him to talk to you without being overbearing
Model the behavior you'd like to see from him, and when he does open up to you, make sure you're accepting and non-judgemental of what he says, even if you aren't happy about it.
I have been in a LDR ( i'm currently living next 4 yrs in japan) with a guy online and am in love w/everything about him. Everything is going smooth however I find myself not as attracted to his actual real life body as much as his sona and personality. How should I respond to this? Is this bad?
Physical attraction is only a small part of attraction; if you like everything about the person otherwise, there is no reason that lack of physical attraction need to stop you.
I've started seeing this girl, but she'll very into traditional communication and we only text maybe 1-2 times a day. We talk on the phone for an hour every few days, but sometimes I'll not get any sort of contact with her for over 24 hours. Would it be rude to ask if we can communicate more often?
No, that is perfectly reasonable. You are unlikely to get what you haven't asked for — go ahead and advocate for your needs!
Any advice for people that would generally consider themselves arelational, but want to start to get into relationships? I personally have never been in a relationship because I rarely feel emotional attraction to anyone. I love the idea of actually potentially being with someone but I dont connect.
You can't force it; you can put yourself out there, but pursue a relationship only when and if you feel that kind of connection with another person.
My boyfriend barley talks to me and is being so rude to me, he talks to other girls and completely ignores me. I just don't know what to do anymore when I try to talk to him about the problem he ignores me
Break up with him; that will probably get his attention.
What's the best thing to do when your crush knows you like him a lot and ask to borrow your notes and wants to know how much you like them? My friend talks to him about how I like him and he never said if he likes me back or not, I don't want to rush anything but I don't wanna loose a chance
This is one of those situations that demands honesty and vulnerability. "Hey, I know this might be awkward, and I'd like to think we could remain friends no matter what, but I just wanted to let you know that I like you quite a bit, and if you felt the same way, perhaps we could go out sometime. If not, that's totally fine; I really enjoy our friendship for what it is, and I'd not let my feelings interfere with that." Then, see what your friend says. There's a chance your friend won't be able to look at you the same way, but there is also a chance that this could be the start of something amazing!
Can having a pack be a couple's thing? Like joining a pack as a couple or forming one as a couple with other single people or even other couples? Have you had experiences or know people who've had?
Yes! That's quite common. Single furs and couples tend to be the units by which furs join and exit packs.
Accused of being transphobic because I don't want to date someone who is transitioning to female. I'm gay, how else can I explain that I'm a man who likes men? How can I avoid the "come out after dating starts" type?
You don't control what you are and are not attracted to, end of story.
Bit of an odd question, but here goes. Even though I don't think I mind the idea of a relationship, when approached with the opportunity for one, I essentially seem to panic and run away, even from people I like. Any tips on how to get over that?
Where is a better place to ask you all questions? Like. Real questions. Longer ones than 300 characters.
Any advice for long distance relationships? Especially ones that will stay long distance for a while. I am in one at the moment, and we won't be able to see each other for at least a few years. It's really hard to stay strong when you miss the other so much...
We have a podcast episode devoted to this topic, available here: http://www.feralattraction.com/podcasts/fa-011-online-and-long
We also have an advice column that addresses issues concerning polyamory and long-distance:
We also have an advice column that addresses issues concerning polyamory and long-distance:
Could the three of you do me a huge favor and hang yourselves together?
Let's not and say we did?
Heya! My S.O. has a fetish for killing people and has assaulted a few individuals in the last few months for sexual gratification. I'm not okay with it, obviously! I think she needs help. What should I do?
Call the police.
My husband is a tantruming child and will fight about literally anything over Twitter. Like on a daily basis. What's a good way to tell him he takes himself way too seriously?
Generally, it's important to distinguish real friends and connections, whose opinions should matter to you, and followers, whose opinions are not important in your life. Try to help your husband see the difference and choose his battles more carefully.
You guys ever wonder if you're just promoting your subjective views of relationships as ideas worth replicating onto impressionable people who might suffer when they fail?
No; our advice is synthesized from a number of respected authorities and resources on the subject of relationship ethics and ethical non-monogamy. It is not mere opinion. If you have specific criticisms, we'd love to address them! However, you'd need to follow up with us in a non-anonymous way if you wanted to have a proper conversation.
My mate (and alpha) of two years has a co worker that has been flirting with him. She recently admitted she's a cat fur, same as his ex before me. He tells me about it, and insists he isn't interested in her, but I can't help but worry. What should I do?
You need to assume good faith and trust your partner; he will always be able to cheat on you. Unless you have evidence that he is doing so, it is counterproductive to constantly worry.
What is your main rule?
When in doubt, talk it out! Communication is the key to happiness in any type of relationship.