The thing about grief is that it doesn't visit for only sleepovers. Once it arrives, it is there to stay for long, at times for weeks, at times for years and at times for our whole lives. You can't pluck it like an unwanted hair. It grows inside us like a tumor, or like an old tree that has spread roots in the ground. At times we are born with it but we can only recognize it when we see it on someone else, like shape of noses in our family. And I wish we didn't carry this sadness everywhere, like birthmarks. I hope everytime we meet friends, they would ask us to leave sadness at the gate, but they don't . It creeps inside even the seemingly happy moments. Everyone at the table would be laughing and for a second you would zone out. Focusing on an imaginary thing on the wall, but your mind will keep on reminding of a difficult memo, even when you are entertaining laughter on your lips for everyone. You would be singing songs with friends on rooftop of a restaurant in the mountains and suddenly you will keep on repeating the word love, under your breath, until it starts tasting like a medicine left on your tongue and your mouth will be full of bitterness and regret.. my love I want you to remember this moment for the rest of your life, where you are dancing in the car, completely oblivious of the traffic on road, and you have the infinite smile on your lips and no recollection of sadness. The thing is that unlike grief, happiness is too ephemeral and we have to remember it again and again to assure ourselves that no matter how hard it seems to imagine there was a moment, when we were only happy.

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