Ask @JRYussuf:

J.R. Yussuf
Latest answers

How should one go about getting closure if there has been no contact for an extended period of time?

in my experience with situations like these, I've had to create my own closure, taking my time to grieve the loss of the relationship, trying to move forward & heal. However, sometimes an opportunity for closure presents itself & in instances like those, I take it. We are not all granted the opportunity for closure, so my motto is if you are, please consider.

More on creating your own closure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41rujD3fRBM

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Just watched your vid about forgiving and forgetting! I totally agree!! But what do you think a person should do instead of forgiving and forgetting?

Thank you for watching :)
What has worked for me is expressing my hurt feelings in a very calm way and seeing if the other party is actually willing to compromise or change a specific behavior that I have linked to being hurtful. If not, I reevaluate the relationship and adjust how I view it so as to not put myself in a position to be hurt again in the same way. This video goes further in depth about compromise: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dae4FUDAnwQ

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What do you think is the first step in repairing a friendship/relationship?

I think both parties have to be in a mental space where they've cooled down and are willing to make the necessary compromises to be in each others lives. I think it begins with respect & the strength to be honesty. Sensitivity to each others feelings while still getting things off your chest honestly & listening, not to respond but to really understand; all of these things can help greatly.

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What do you think are common struggles for people in the department of forgiveness?

I think people struggle with feeling like they don't have options when it comes to forgiveness. Many feel like forgiveness looks exactly the same way for everyone, comes in the exact same form, can only manifest in one way. I do not agree.

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Your book sounds really interesting, but I'm not sure it's for me. Is there a way I can sample some of what you're offering for free? :)

Thank you so much.
Yes: www.JRYussuf.com/writing.html

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You seem like you dont have a temper. What kind of ppl make u mad/make you lose your temper?

Thanks for the compliment. People who have been victimized or made to feel inferior or scared, turning to victimizing and spreading fear in order to "win," instead of challenging the whole system of victim and attacker or realizing there can be other kinds of relationship dynamics.

Settling for something you know is wrong is the most repulsive thing to me.

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What crazy things do you dream of trying someday?

Writing a book and trying to get it published.

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Wow, that's interesting. What do your Nigerian parents think of these creative aspirations of yours? They must not be very supportive.

My mom is supportive in her own way. She's a living testament that working a job that you hate but making lots of money is not enough. She tells me this. She knows that I'm a go getter. My father would prefer that I did something in the medical world for security purposes.

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If you weren't acting, what would you want to do as a career? Do you have a plan if you don't make it into the entertainment industry?

I'd primarily write fiction, poetry, prose, and other creative avenues of writing, perhaps even journalism. Well I am already writing...

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What is the most important thing in a relationship?

Communication.

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About J.R. Yussuf:

Answering questions about difficulties dealing with forgiveness, is J.R. Yussuf, the author of The Other F Word: Forgiveness, a book for anyone who has ever struggled with forgiveness.

New York, NY