The reason why I wrote all of this, is because i truly believe that, that kind of relationship doesn't only exist between couple, but also between friends and it can happen at 8 or 15 y-o as much as it can happen at 20 or more. This is so important to put yourself first sometimes and this is so important to realize u can't let urself being controlled by someone. u can't let someone decides for u how u feel about someone or something. u can't keep being scared of saying smth, feeling smth or doing smth bc of one person u think wants to make u happy while it's really not her/his goal. u gotta get rid of that person even if it's hard and even if u're scared. It took me many months, many talks w different persons (lots of adults) and many meeting w a psy to understand that; even if that may sounds simple to some. I hope none of u are getting through a toxic relationship. If so, feel free to text me..at least I'll listen to you.
i've been thinking a lot lately and i really wanted to write something about "toxic friends" and share it with everyone here. like I recently told to one of my best friend, I used to be friend with a dude, and we were so close like we have been best friend for years and i was feeling so great and cool with him. But when we were around 12 I guess things changed pretty much and we fighted (just like friends do) but every time, I was feeling so bad. I was feeling so bad bc HE was making me feel so bad and he was making me feel like it was my fault if he was mad and hurt. Every time I was speechless, I couldn't say or do a thing except waiting for him to text me. I was only wishing he'd forgive me bc I felt like he was right and I was messing up things again. Also i was so scared to see him again, as we were taking the same bus to go to school, if he didn't had text me to say it's alright, the night before. And i knew his reaction would define my entire day. If he had decided to forgive me,the day would be great..if not, the day would be awful. Like if I was losing him,I was losing everything. When he was texting back to say it's alright or when he had just decided in the morning that things would be fine between us, he was making me feel like I was lucky to have him bc he would always forgives me. He was acting like he was the nice one, he was the leader. HE was choosing and I can say that he was totally controlling my thoughts about him or about other people. I know the words i use have a pretty harsh/rough meaning but that's just how I felt during 3 years. And i never realised it when we were friends, it came to my mind one year after I definitely lost him. And I didn't lose him bc I decided it but because he made me go through hell during many months. And as always he tried to come back when he was done hurting and actually bullying me to say he was sorry and tried to get pity from me. (next post to see the conclusion)
I heard it's ur birthday??? Damn girl ur growing olddddd. And we're still best friends, since 5 years and only 2 years left to be friends like we are and then we know it'll be forever right? (even tho we kinda already know it duh) I'm so happy our 5 years is close to ur birthday bc i get to say those nice things yaS. Every year we remind ourselves our anniversary smH even if we don't have a precise day for it lmao but we're always so happy to get throught another year together and that's so beautiful. I'm so happy u have my back and i'm so happy to have urs. You know i always will,no matter what and no matter if i lose smth for u. I love u even if we fights (tho we fighted since a while), i love u even when u make me mad and u better love me even when i make u mad mhm. I'm glad u met someone like ur one today, he's a great person and i'm happy i can say we're at least two to get ur back. No matter what, i stay, remember that. (i couldn't choose a pic sorrY)