@KeepYourEyesPeeled#79 🇫🇷

KeepYourEyesPeeled

How good of a swimmer do you have to be to surf? How good of a swimmer do you have to be to surf?

But to answer your question I would say being able to tread water/not drown for at least 15 minutes in any depth of water. Hold your breathe underwater for at least 30 seconds. If are afraid of the deep end at the pool then I wouldn't get on a board.
Swimming is the best preparation for surfing you can do that doesn't involve a board. You don't have to be a competitive swimmer (though at least one Olympic swimmer was also the top surfer in the world) but you have to be able to swim comfortably in surf as big as any you hope to paddle into, under conditions of fatigue and stress (eg just wiped out and held down by a set wave).
You need to be prepared for the surf you're in. If you're not a good swimmer, the worst thing you can do is go out in rough waters. If you can swim decently without exerting too much energy, then use your best judgment on what you think you can handle. If you have to question yourself, it may be too rough.
I am 36M and reasonably lean, and work a busy desk job. I grew up in India and so never had the ability to learn to swim. Pools are rare and my parents were already paying for private education that was very expensive for them. I have lived in Australia for over 17 years, a nation with a great swimming culture and teachers. So I finally took the plunge in Sep 2019 and joined a Masters Club. The first few sessions felt like I could not keep my body above water. But as I learned to relax, I gained more confidence. Also watching tonnes of free content on YouTube was helpful. The pool that I train in is 50m and mostly quite shallow, so I could do drills safely and practice myself several times a week without paying for extra lessons. You can also ask lifeguards to watch your technique and give you tips. And I train with the Masters club 1-2 times per week. Great bunch of people! Now after about 20 months (including the Covid closure for several months through 2020), I can do up to 2.4K per session and keep up with the others. My fastest is 50m in 40sec freestyle. So I believe with consistent practice and some coaching you will be able to achieve Masters level ability in say 12-18 months. Hope this helps! Good luck :-)
I started swimming at 41, I am 55 now. It took about 2 years of swimming almost daily to become OK. It took 3 years to become average masters swimmer, but it took about 7 years to be in the top 30% of competition in my favorite events. I am still improving my stroke and efficiency and have not slowed down from when I was in my late 40's.
Still working on being able to do a crawl without feeling like I'm dying halfway across though... Pool getting closed for 4 months due to Covid restrictions just as I was getting good put a big brake on my progress.
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Latest answers from KeepYourEyesPeeled

How often do you eat out for pleasure?

You can still dine out for pleasure while being conscious of calorie intake. Skip dessert. Or if you do want dessert, eat something light at home then go out for a sweet treat. Also, you don’t have to finish everything in one sitting. Save some for later breaking takeout into 2-3 meals. Generally restaurants serve extravagant portions. My logic when I eat is asking myself, “does this fuel me?” Which generally curbs the bad eating and helps me make healthier choices. That’s not saying you can’t enjoy a treat here and there, but you can’t get dessert every time you go out. It will catch up unfortunately (especially with my metabolism rate)…
f you enjoy going out for food, don’t stop yourself. But don’t use it as an excuse to eat badly. If you cannot make healthier choices dining out, refocus with cooking at home and see how that goes. Once or twice every 1-2 weeks I'll get a prepared meal out. Not a full restaurant meal, but like a grab and go sandwich or salad or pizza slice or sushi roll. That's usually when I'm doing errands/out and about.
I go out to a restaurant maybe once a month with friends and once a month as a date with my partner. With friends it's usually over drinks, but I watch what I order and don't get appies or dessert. When it's with my partner it's usually pho or sushi and we don't order drinks, unless we're celebrating a birthday or something in which case I wouldn't count calories. We went for Singaporian/Malaysian food in January that was really good and I ate half my plate and took the other half home for lunch, so that spread out the cost and calories over 2 days. 1-2 times a year we go all out and get a coursed meal, bottle of wine, cocktails, dessert, etc. That costs several hundred dollars and can be days worth of calories so it's very rare, but I do really like the experience. We don't order in, if I'm home I'm either cooking or making something from frozen, with a few exceptions maybe 3-4x a year we'll order pizza or Chinese food, especially if we're having a movie night with friends. I'm sure this is much less than average but even though I can afford to order food whenever I want now, I just prefer not to. I usually find the food disappointing and over priced. I've lost 20 lbs this year and haven't turned down any invitations to go out. We just made sure we went for healthier options. We would usually go out and get steak, new potatoes and mushrooms or something similar and share a bottle of wine and call it a mates date rather than going for burgers, fries and a ton of beers. Always a great night but with less impact on the weight loss.
Rarely, but for budget reasons (and lately Covid reasons) as much as nutrition. When I do (like once every 3-4 months), I usually don’t calorie count. I also don’t drink soda or alcohol so that helps with keeping the nutrition from going too wild.

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How often do you eat dessert/sweets?

I have a huge sweet tooth and wondering if some of you indulge in dessert often? I see a lot of low calorie dessert ideas here, and I've started to buy some to try (ice cream!) , but I feel guilty almost every time I have some. I do stay within my calorie limit even on days I have a treat. Maybe I'm worried about the sugar? I eat something sweet almost every day. Tiny cupcakes or chocolate pieces that are around 100 cals. I bet my stomach would look better if I didn’t, but sometimes 1200 cals is really hard and it’s nice to have some treat at the end of the day to seem like the struggle was worth it.
I’m lucky I’m that I don’t have a sweet tooth, other than loving sugary drinks. I eat more sweets now (tiny 100 cals) way more often than I did before, and I’m pretty sure that it’s helped keep me from feeling deprived overall.
I get something "real" with my coffee every day pretty much. I rather have less of full-sugar thing than more of diet alternatives. I find it satisfies me more and I can't handle most artificial sweeteners anyway.
I like a sweet breakfast so I usually do something like healthy pancakes or chocolate oatmeal and I always use Splenda instead of real sugar. Occasionally I'll get a caramel macchiato with almond milk and sugar free vanilla so the caramel itself is the only indulgence I indulge in. Sugar free Fudgsicles, Zollipops, sugar free coffee candies, sugar free gummy bears, reduced sugar lollipops, Susan’s sugar free cookies, etc... every day, multiple times a day. Most of these items are under 100 cal per serving. The fudgsicles are 40cal each. I eat more desserts now than when I wasn’t losing weight. I love sweet food, and without these I’d probably binge on cr@p.

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How often do you usually have dessert?

When I was a kid we used to have some sort of cake/tart and a piece of chocolate every Sunday morning when my parents drank a cup of coffee (and cake again in the evening) and ice cream after dinner. On other days a piece of candy every day when we came home from school and a dessert (yoghurt/"vla" which is a type of thin and often flavoured custard) every day after dinner.I wouldn't call sweets/candy desserts though. And in my experience cake is not generally eaten as a dessert but as a snack. If you say dessert people will probably assume you mean some kind of dairy product. Yoghurt, vla, ice cream, pudding, etc.
I still do the cake and the ice cream on Sunday though not as consistently as we used to. Dessert after dinner only if I feel like it which isn't very often. And I rarely eat sweets or chocolate these days. Growing up we definitely had more (homemade) dessert on holidays and special occasions, mainly because it was very holiday-specific and also took time and effort to make. Back then, confectionery-bought cakes had a reputation of being not very fresh, or made with dodgy ingredients (my mom still thinks that only lazy people buy cozonac instead of making it at home lol). Outside of that, my mom would sometimes make a tray of brownies, sponge cake or some crepes, nothing too complicated. During summer, ice cream and watermelon are a classic dessert after lunch. We also had chocolate, biscuits, candy etc at home but they were more like a sweet snack, not an actual dessert after a meal. Every day I have something sweet after dinner, usually a bar of chocolate or a hot chocolate. An actual dessert though like a brownie and ice cream or apple pie or something like that? I'll have that any time I go out to eat, am not super full after the main course, and other people want to get a dessert. So maybe like... once a month or so? Probably a bit less.
I don’t really have desserts unless guests are coming, but i have sweet snacks like chocolate, biscuits, etc a couple of hours after lunch so not sure if that counts. I love desserts though, especially ice cream and cheesecake. Every evening, but it’s usually something fairly healthy like fruit. Occasionally, we’ll have it with a little ice cream or custard; sometimes we’ll have something like a piece of cake or some sort of pudding (apple crumbles in winter are great). Most nights, though, it’s fresh fruit and perhaps a small biscuit with a pot of tea.
I haven’t eaten it since the last week in May. I lived 21 years and 11 months and suddenly I developed lactose intolerance. It really really sucks. I’m now 22 and it sucked I couldn’t even eat ice cream for my birthday back in June.

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How often do you eat ice cream?

As a kid, I had a bowl at least once a day for years, usually as breakfast. Quit cold turkey for almost all of high school & since then I hardly ever eat it/have a craving for it.
I’m not a sweets guy. I have ice cream maybe 2-3 times a year. When I go out for fro-yo I get like one small bit of ice cream and load it up with gummy bears and candy because that’s my fav part.
I consider a pint to be a serving. I know there are some Olympic level athletes out there who can dead lift the lid and put it back onto the container after just a few spoonfuls, but I'm just a mortal. A pint with a smallish spoon, to savor each bite maximally, while watching a favorite movie or tv show is one of the true pleasures in life. Also, I hate when it's too hard/frozen, so I let it sit out on the counter for a good 30 minutes or so, just so it has that slight softness around the edges.
On a weekend that I was really depressed and home alone I managed to eat two pints of ice cream and drank half of a bottle of limoncello (which is essentially alcoholic sorbet). Thank jeebus I was home alone as I needed all the bathroom privacy I could get.
I once tried to eat as much as I could in one day. This included (but was not limited to) a 2.5-liter container of vanilla ice-cream, with whipped cream, chocolate sauce and wafers for crunch.
That really depends on the ice cream. I can eat a whole container of Breyer's gelato on my own, but regular ice cream? Maybe a bowl, two at the most.
I eat a pint in four sittings. I could probably eat it in two if I let myself. But I limit my portion so I can eat it every single day. I can very easily eat a pint of the richest ice cream available. I could probably eat most of a second one, but the shame of the first empty pint container redirects my snack monster to various other items in my pantry.
It's not particularly helpful to look at individual foods like this. What matters is your overall lifestyle and diet. Ice cream is very calorie-dense, but certainly people can make room for some every day if they desire - depending on their activity level and the other parts of their diet.
I used to eat a ton of chocolate bars, cookies, brownies, ice cream, etc. Like every single day I’d have 2+ of those. So I actually cut everything out…except ice cream. I have taken to buying some pretty much every week and I’d say I have eaten ice cream at least 19/30 days this month (an estimate). Is this bad? It’s like stress relief for me, some people drink alcohol or smoke weed, I have my ice cream…Once every couple of months? I'm not that much of a sweets fan, but will crazy crave it all of a sudden (Netflix & Chill is my fave flavor) an I'll eat it in 2 days and not think of it again for months. salty snacks are totally different though, I can't buy chips cause I'll eat a whole bag in one sitting daily if they're in the house.

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Do you guys feel emotionally detached and indifferent about politics and generally what's going on in the world?

I don't wanna sound edgy, I promise! Not here to brag about how "different" I am, just curious. A lot of things are happening in my country now (like imprisoning the leader of opposition and etc) and I read about it, I have my opinions, but discussing and fighting over this seems not interesting to me. I'd still rather invest my time into doing and talking about what matters to me. I wouldn't even bring this up, but my friend annoyed me today when she said that I am being selfish (for committing to my hobbies and posting about it on twitter rather than spreading awareness) and I value personal over global. The funniest thing about this? I've known her for years and she always claimed herself to be apolitical, but now when it's an important and popular topic on social media, she seems so into it (and I know she is gonna become indifferent again pretty soon). And that's good, learning new things is great, but I feel like she is more driven by passion now. (she's been talking ONLY about this for weeks now). But what's bad about valuing personal over global? Rationally I understand a lot, but emotionally I just don't care. And talking about something I don't care is exhausting. I used to be so emotionally attached to those topics and I tell you it hurts like hell. The fact that you won't be able to do anything about them makes you feel even worse. Then I stopped caring because I know that it won't help anyone. I can only do what I can but it's still only me and maybe some couple of hundred people but that doesn't even make a fraction of the total world population, so it's just too much to be attached emotionally when you know it won't work. It's feels like assuring a stage 4 cancer patient they'll be cured in no time, to me.
I’ve never paid any attention to politics or what’s going on out there. I’m not interested enough to try and find the facts by sifting through the news and articles. I don’t want to get wrapped up in other people’s fears or conclusions.
It's better for me to not care about the people who talk about their "ideals" because most politicians and other famous people only do it for their ego and fame. Rarely, you find someone in politics who's not doing it for just their ego. Don't be scared or offended that you don't know what's going on, I didn't know that protests were going on until someone tried to burn down a bike shop in my town.
I am personally very interested in current affairs and politics both in the US and around the world, but I really don’t put emotion into it. For example, when I first learned about what was happening in Yemen 2-3 years ago, my first instinct was to go down a bunch of rabbit holes about the subject (ex. why is there government so corrupt? How did this happen in the first place?), basically ask myself a crap ton of questions instead first instead of having an emotional reaction.

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Has anyone else realized that they are emotionally unavailable? Over the last few years I have had a tendency to attract emotionally unavailable men, and through some soul searching I have realized that I am the one who is emotionally unavailable. Has anyone else dealt with this?

I had to learn to take boyfriends/partners out of the "box for people who I get to have sex with/dress up to take to parties" like they are giant ken dolls... and put them IN the group with my other loving relationships (like I have with friends/family).
Along with that came communicating with them as people and expecting to be treated as a person, being vulnerable, honest and actually being a person instead of caricature of what I thought a girlfriend should be. My emotional unavailability has been relatively short term but instead of trying to find ways to be emotionally available again I embraced my unavailability. I'm up front and honest about it with potential partners, and right now I am comfortable with keeping things light and casual. I don't know if I will just become emotionally available one day, or if I will ever decide to work towards it. I just like to think that this is the best state for me at the time and if things change, then they change.
I'm not emotionally unavailable, but I'm not too much of an affectionate person. I don't enjoy cuddling for very long, kissing makes me feel weird, and I can only handle so much physical touch. It makes me feel like I'm cold, but I just don't like touching that much. Even the most well intentioned touch can make me feel very uncomfortable, even from people I love and trust.
I feel like I've been hurt so much in the past that I've become emotionally available. Through a slow and painful process, my SO has been patient enough to get me to open up and let him in via hour long conversations with him about my emotions and why I'm having them. It's so difficult addressing my emotions, but once I get over myself and say it all out loud, he's there to comfort me no matter what.
I tend to be fairly reserved already, fairly shy, but when it comes to actual feelings, I freak out and want personal space, and it's probably because I don't know how to respond, or even that I don't know what I want for myself, too. I also don't respond out of not having the courage to actually stand up for myself in that matter... I don't know... I'm not really used to dealing with emotions that well anyways.
Yep. I have no capacity for risk, and that definitely includes emotional and sexual vulnerability. I always need to be in control, have the upper hand, and not let the other person gain any information that could ever be used against me if things go bad. So Im sure that has affected my lack of success in relationships, but I also don't want to be any other way, I don't want to be all cheesy and lovey dovey and emotional with anyone. Oh! I'm currently working on being emotionally unavailable. I had the opposite issue though. Great emotionally open and sensitive men flocked to me like a moth to a flame and I was extremely put off by them.

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Detached personality - how many of you have it?

Yes, very much so. I actually often show this detachment in constantly making jokes about things that need serious discussion. Or I don't confront people who treat me like shit because I learned everything would be thrown back in my face somehow, as my mom always did (when she didn't scare me with all of her screaming and driving us on and off the road if I tried to talk to her about the way she treated me while she was driving) and my extremely dysfunctional great-grandmother did when she and my uncle (who had severe mental health issues stemming from two TBIs in college that came out as anger, violence, and harassing my great-grandmother until she screamed and started crying) whenever I called the police to protect us from my uncle who was very creepy and made me feel unsafe especially when I tried to protect my great-grandmother from him.
I am so acutely self-aware as well from this to the point where I figure out where I'm at fault before confronting the other person as a means to protect myself. I feel a lot of shame and guilt and very little self-confidence as well. I fear rejection and abandonment, two things I received from my mom, and I'm always terrified of doing something wrong. I am also afraid of being seen as a burden or like I'm inconveniencing others by telling them what I want/need in the relationship because my mom told me I was a burden and difficulty for her and my dad and neither of them wanted me in the divorce because neither felt they could handle me and my emotions and stubbornness. When I was sixteen, I was finally removed from my parents house, and one of the realizations I had was that I had the same emotional attachment to my own reflection as I would have had to an unwanted bonsai tree that I received as a present; I didn't see myself as myself, I saw my reflection more as a thing I didn't want but was still responsible for.
After I had a more conscious grasp on myself I noticed, or better to say asked myself, how I withstood all that and still became who I am now. I could stand in one spot for hours on end without moving an inch, only wishing she'd wrap up her ranting soon so I could sleep. It was really amazing how I shielded myself from the shitstorm. As an adult, this has had consequences however. I value solitude, but I also yearn for a meaningful connection. I've never had a serious relationship, and actively long for one. But whenever I steel myself to try, I'm gripped with cold fear about letting down my walls and experiencing the hate all over again.
I was very detached in my early adulthood/late teens. I didn't trust anyone. I avoided my friends because I just didn't care. I didn't enjoy social interaction at all. I got no fulfillment out of it. I always felt like I had to put on an act for people. I'm 24 now. I've been seeing a therapist for over a year, and I've really blossomed. I always wondered how people could just talk to other people. Now I do it all the time.

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How do I stop being so emotionally detached?

The other day, I had a long talk with a good friend, she mentioned how emotionally distant I usually am. I figured I was always pretty independent, but once she mentioned it, I realized just how distant I can truly get. I've tried talking to a few guys I've gotten somewhat close to. The common comments I usually get are always along the lines of "I wish you weren't so jaded", "You're so hard to read" or "I can never tell what you're thinking." I have no idea what it is about my face that makes me that way. Friends have told me how detached I am, that I can seem to get by without talking to them or socializing, the longest being 3 weeks without so much as a text to a close friend. I don't know how to open up to them. It's put a damper on potential relationships because the guys I talk to want to get to know me. Now, I'm an open book to everyone, I'll tell you every little secret I have to hide if you just ask. Yet I still seem distant to them. Whenever a guy has gotten "too close" for comfort, I push them away and tell them something like "I can't care for you the way you do for me." I've tried so hard, but whenever a guy pushes or so much as feels like he's prying, I inadvertently shutdown and block them out. I have the same problem, and really I don't have much of a solution. The friends I have now make me feel comfortable enough that I can blurt out the stupidest shit and they'll just roll with it. I'm not emotionally distant with them, but that's just because I feel like myself around them. However, with anyone other than my close friends I'm very distant. To the point where I really doubt an acquaintance can name anything distinct about me.
I suggest that you take acting and improv classes, especially the latter. This has helped me a great deal. It's not exactly a solution, and I still deal with issues, but you will learn a lot -- you'll discover new approaches and ways of thinking that may be able to help you handle this kind of thing better in the future.
I did take a short improv class in the past though. Humour is not my strong suit at all, and in the end I feel like I haven't learned anything from that class except the rules of some improv exercises (and tbh, trying to be funny on the spot is awkward and nerve-racking). However, it was fun in the sense that it is new and super challenging, and also helps you make new friends. People laugh all the time at how silly they are getting, plus after-class hangouts are pretty often. Same problem, but weird thing is when I do meet someone (anyone) I become so interested in them that I end up getting attached. I'll later think about it and find myself detaching myself just because it doesn't seem "normal."
Opening up emotions like love to others can make you vulnerable, too. It's pretty common to avoid exposing those by suppressing them. If that's what it is, you'll have to face that you won't be able to experience those emotions without exposing yourself and taking some emotional risk.

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Have you ever sabotaged your relationship? Did you regret it? Do ever think about that person from time to time?

Yes. I told my ex boyfriend a huge lie that I knew he couldn't handle so he would get upset with me and walk away from the relationship. I had a hard time ended things with him so I figured if he was angry with me then he would stay away. It worked. I think about him every once in a while. Im glad he ended it. We were very toxic for each other. Heavy drug users. Its been for the better. He had a tendency to hide things and lie about them, like having talked to other women. Usually there was no reason for him to lie but the fact that he did drove me insane. We wanted different futures and that caused lots of fights. Things from where we'd live (no i did not want to move to his hometown) to how we'd get married and raise children (religion wise). During an argument he'd say that I refused to compromise, yet he wasn't willing to compromise worth a damn either. In reality, neither of us should have compromised. Different future plans and ideals are incompatibilities. He also didn't care about my sexual pleasure. I'm sure if you asked him, he'd say he did, but his actions spoke much louder. Plus he was too grossed out to touch a damn pussy.
We made a good team and we're super in love when we weren't fighting, but the realities of our incompatibilities caused a lot of fights and nights of me feeling just plain empty. He didn't seem to grasp that we were incompatible though (even though I tried to talk about it) so sometimes I'd say some really shitty things to try to get him to break up with me. Not intentionally. He found a list of reasons I thought we would be better broken up when he was cleaning the apartment one day. He thought it was recent but I had written it years earlier and just forgotten about it after we worked thru our issues. We stayed together for another year after that before we broke up. We're still friends, and I regret him finding the list but I don't regret writing it. Everything on there were solid reasons we would never work out. I like to think of that list anytime I have the deluded thought that we still might work out.
Yeah I tend to do that a lot of the time. Like if things are fine, I'll pick at things and make fights that aren't necessary. Almost like I have to find something wrong with something because things going well are unusual for me. My current SO knows that I do this and points it out, so I'm getting better. He's very tolerant and kind.
I've intentionally distanced myself from certain friendships (though they aren't all ruined, they're definitely not the same). I'm not sure if I just have the emotional intelligence of a brick or if I'm just a huge asshole, but when I suspect that a close friend has more than just friendly feelings I distance myself...I realize it's an awful thing, and I should feel flattered or at least address it, but instead I feel a lot of anxiety at the prospect of hanging out with them and I just can't act or feel natural.

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What makes a good woman/life partner to you? What kind of personality characteristics or things would you use to describe an ideal woman/life partner? For those of you who are married/ in long term relationships, what draws you into the person you've found?

A sense of humor I can jive with. Genuinely kind. Doesn't give in to gossip. Subtle and down to earth. Smart. Secure in their self-image. Enjoys my company but also appreciates space and independence (so specific right? :P). Loyal to me but doesn't have issue with calling me out when I'm wrong, and can take being called out as well. Likes to keep her booty tight and has a similar sexual appetite.
I want them to be honest, in the sense that if there's a problem, you want to do something, straight up tell me. I do not read minds. I will NOT get it and you sulking will not make me happy, whatsoever, while I guess a million things.
Interested in doing things. Nothing is more off putting than saying no to every single idea of doing something and then complaining about not doing anything. The most important thing is you got to have conversations, have a good laugh, have similar things you want in the future and to make sure you communicate. Someone who's generally into the same things that I am into - but also has some of her own things that she likes to do. Someone who is honest and straightforward. I don't like to have to drag stuff out of my potential life partner. Someone who makes you want to be a better person and who helps you become one. I feel like I've found these things in my wife.
Communication and compromise, if she can't/doesn't tell me what she wants in the relationship and isn't willing to work towards a goal with me through reasoned discussion then I would question if we'd work out in the long term.
Loyalty, confidence in herself and me, good sense of humour, love of trying new things (particularly food), capable of intellectual conversation and conversation in poor taste, takes care of herself but isn't uptight about it, lack of a lying streak, won't shy away from something wrong in the relationship and will actually communicate thoughts/fears/issues. There's definitely more but I can't particularly think of many more right now. Another one for me which is personal but someone who hasn't slept around a lot. I know that is a ridiculous thing to say and I imagine a few will disagree and say 'past is in the past' but it might be something I struggle with depending on a couple factors. But I lack a lot of confidence in myself about things and yeah it might be something I find issue with. I dunno it's a stupid thing.
Communication and compromise, if she can't/doesn't tell me what she wants in the relationship and isn't willing to work towards a goal with me through reasoned discussion then I would question if we'd work out in the long term.

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