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Dr. Andrew
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I had my gf move in with me. She refuses to help clean the place. It pisses me off. What do I say?

This certainly gives you a view into the future. You need to tell her that if she intends to stay, she is not simply a guest but rather a partner, and you expect her to act like one. Good luck with that.

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When is a good time to introduce my gf to my family?

It really depends on your family. Some families don't want anybody coming into a family setting unless it's really serious, while others are comfortable with anyone you might bring home. Ask them if they would like to meet her. Their response just may surprise you in a good way.

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I don’t know how to handle this. I’m dating this guy. He told me upfront he was also going out with this other girl. I was ok at first but now I’m starting to get really upset.. How do I handle this? I like him a lot but I’m not interested in open dating.

You knew what the rules were when you started going out with him. He was honest with you from the start. You obviously have had a change of heart. You are either going to have to deal with what he is doing, or you need to end the relationship.

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I don't think my boyfriend likes my hair color (Brown), should I change it?

Don't change just because your bf MAY not like your hair. If you want to change it for you, that's different. You need to be comfortable with you and how you look.

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I went to a local bar where you can meet people and I saw everyone very busy on their cellphones. Maybe they should go home and do it there. This seems rather bizarre to me. This wasn't like this 10 years ago. I don't think I like all this gadget stuff. Is this the way things are now?

Yes, pretty much wherever you turn, people are on their gadgets. There are some basic etiquette rules but not many. Remember that 10 years ago much of the internet was still in it's infancy, and there were no smart phones or smart devices or apps. Welcome to 2015

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My daughter says I’m being old fashioned about her choice of clothes. She just turned 16 and goes out wearing things that could best be described as “revealing.” She says that’s the way everyone dresses today. I’m trying to be open minded. What do other parents do?

And who pays for her clothes??? As long as she is in your house, she lives by your rules. Yes, it's old fashioned, but if more parents acted like parents and set limits, it would eliminate a lot of problems. Now I sound like the one who's old fashioned. The job of a teenager is to test the limits. The job of a parent is to set them.

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My girlfriend and I have incredible sex. But sometimes, like a few hours afterwards, she starts crying. I keep asking her what's wrong but she says that she is okay. Thoughts?

Your gf needs some help that only a professional can give her. There are obviously very deep emotions that are stirred up, perhaps of early traumas. She probably doesn't want to ruin the relationship with you, so she's not willing to burden you with any emotional baggage. Tell her that because you care for her, you want her to get help so that she doesn't have the emotional pain that is so evident.
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hello Dr. Andrew.. how are you? I have a weird thing when it comes to girls. when I would go up to a girl or if a girl comes up to me, I would get nervous and I wouldn't know what to say. I'm 24, male and never had a girlfriend before. What would it take for a cute girl to notice me?

Try just being yourself because if you try being something you are not, you will fail. After you have more experience, you won't feel as awkward. Confidence comes with successful experiences.

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Can i get a girl if I'm in a football team

What do football and dating have to do with each other?

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Is it appropriate to try to pick up on women at the gym. There is a beautiful women who goes there, but I feel like it might be bothering her by approaching her and trying to have a conversation.

Some people go to the gym to work out, while others use it as their personal meat market. If this beautiful woman is intensely working out, then stay away until she is done. Don't try picking her up. Try just being a gentleman and having a polite conversation ... after her workout. If you interrupted my workout, I'd be really pissed.

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What is a good age to get married?

A good age is when you and your partner are ready. Some people are ready at 20, some at 30, and some later. There is no hard and fast rule. I was married when I was 22 and my wife was 21, and we have 44 years under our belts. Today, many couples are getting married older when their careers and finances are set. You will know when you are ready.

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There's this girl I like. She's pretty, red hair, kind've quirky, but that's what I like about her. We talk a lot, and I give her as much space as needed. I just wonder if I'm being TOO distant. How can I gauge if I'm doing the right thing?

Just be a good friend first. The rest will follow.

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Me and my bf have been dating for about 6 months. Here’s the problem. He is a health food nut. He measures and counts everything. I don’t. He insists that I do it to if we are to stay together. I love him IDK if I can take this. Any suggestions?

Your bf wants both of you to be healthy, even if it's a bit overboard. My suggestion is to try going with it.

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Me and my gf been going together for almost a year. We been talking about getting married. Is there a right amount of time to do this. We both come from divorced families and don’t want to repeat.

There is no "right" time when it comes to getting married. I can certainly understand why the two of you would like some type of assurance, but there is none. You've been going together long enough to pretty much know if it's going to work. Especially since both of you come from divorced families, it would be an excellent idea to get some pre marital counseling to work out any of the kinks before they get too tight.

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My father in law to be has a VERY different view of politics than me. I have tried not engaging because we just end up in a screaming match. I don’t want it to break up my relationship with my fiancé. ????

The best advice is just don't discuss politics or religion with people who are very fanatic about either. You are never going to just have a "discussion." It will generally ALWAYS lead to an argument. You are fine just telling him that you don't discuss either. If he persists, just excuse yourself from the room.

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Why do girls think they have to act like a guy to look tough? It would seem to me that being a girl has its own benefits.

First, not two people are alike, and certainly not all “girls.” Some feel they have to act like a guy just to compete. For a lot of females that’s harder to do. As the old saying goes about the famous dance couple, “Ginger Rogers had to do everything Fred Astaire had to do, but she had to do it in high heels and backward.” It’s generally all about respect.

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I am so tired of my parents trying to control my relationships I could scream. Particularly my mother, she always finds something wrong with any guy I date. I have asked them to keep their opinions to themselves but they don’t. I just don’t get it. Is there a solution?

You need to tell your parents exactly what you are saying here. The best advice I can give you is to not let them know what's going on, and tell them why you are doing that. You don't say how old you are, but I will assume you are old enough to make your own decisions about dating and relationships.

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Me and this guy hooked up when we were both really drunk. This was about 3 months ago. The funny thing is I can’t keep from thinking about him. And then he calls and says he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me. Do you think its healthy to pursue this? My friends think I’m nuts.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't the best idea to begin with, but maybe (and that's a big maybe) it could work. Take it slowly and see how things go. I would definitely suggest using our app, Love Shopping List, to figure out what you want. That will help guide you.

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My cousin is dating this guy who has a swastika tattoo. I’ve asked her what’s up. She says its no big deal. To me it’s a really big deal. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t want to be around him but me and her are pretty close. What do I do?

She is either really clueless or incredibly insensitive. That swastika says a whole lot about him. If you are as offended as you say, then let her know that you can't be around anyone who wears a symbol of something so hateful. Maybe that will get her attention. In any event, you don't need to subject yourself to that.

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My parents got divorced. I’m really worried about that. Is there anything I can do so that I won’t wind up like them? I know I’m at higher risk of divorce but I’d like to do everything possible to avoid it.

You are probably carrying around a lot of "baggage" from being traumatized by your parents' divorce. The best advice I can give you is to get some short term therapy. It will help you clearly identify your deeper feelings, and will also help you very clearly identify what you can and should do as well as how to avoid the traps

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My bf said that people are not meant to only have one relationship. What's he talking about when he says it's science?

There was a recent study that said humans are not neurologically programmed to be with one person. That being said, it sounds like your bf just wants to have a harem around him to play with. My advice -- tell him to take a hike.

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Should you always tell your partner everything?

Not always. Some things are best left unsaid. I'm not saying to be dishonest. But you may have certain thoughts that are best kept to yourself.

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We usually go out with 3 other couples. One of the other couples always conveniently forgets wallets & purses. It’s gets to the point we really want to say something. The other couples don’t seems annoyed. What do we do?

Talk to the other couples to discuss this. See what they have to say and what suggestions they may have. If this other couple is nice, the group may want to gently approach them together. It could be that they really want to be with all of you but don't have the money, in which case they may be embarrassed. It could also be that they are inconsiderate. Only open, honest communication will tell.

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Whenever my older sister and her husband come into town, they stay with me and my gf. My sis seems to think it’s ok to tell us how to manage our relationship. I’ve all but told her it’s none of her business, but nothing seems to work. Is there something you think I should say?

Sounds like it's time for an ultimatum. You need to actually tell her that you have tried to get her to listen to you, so you are left with no other choice. My guess is that she is repeating the dynamic that occurred when the two of you were growing up. She does not look at you as a grown up.

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I’m educated (I’m a teacher). I just don’t understand. He says I’m making too much of this, that other married couples go through the same thing when they are busy. Is he right?

see previous answer

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About Dr. Andrew:

Dr. Andrew is a clinical psychologist who lectures nationally/internationally on various topics including relationships, behavioral management, learning disabilities, and sports psychology. He is the creator of the Love Shopping List mobile app. Unlock The Secret The Secret to Your Soulmate™

United States