Dr. Andrew

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I’m really self conscious about my boobs. I try wearing really loose fitting stuff. Is there a problem getting a reduction?

While this is certainly not my area of expertise, I can tell you there are side effects to breast reduction. The best advice I can give you is to talk to you gynecologist or family doctor and get the whole medical picture before making any decisions. In the end it's your decision, but make sure you are making it with as much information as possible.

There’s a mean queen in our group but she’s kind of the leader and nobody wants to piss her off. I don’t like it when she makes fun of other girls and people. I really like this guy and she started making fun of him. Now he won’t pay attention to me. What do I do now?

There are times in you life you are going to have to stand up for what you believe in, but first you are going to have to decide what you really do believe in. This person is a bully, and the only question is whether or not you are going to tolerate her being a bully, especially to someone you like. No one can make that decision for you. Yes, it may be hard to go against your social circle, since it sounds like nobody else will stand up to her either. It's called growing up. He will pay attention to you when you kick her to the curb. You can be part of the problem or part of the solution. It's all up to you.

How do I tell my boyfriend I am not comfortable with him making videos of us having sex?

Your boyfriend is not being respectful of you or your wishes. He he continues to demonstrate that he is not worthy of you but you continue to demonstrate that you're willing to put up with his behaviors. You need to send a very clear strong message that you will not tolerate his behavior. If he values your relationship he will stop pushing into things don't want to do. The whole process begins with self respect. You need to respect yourself enough to set firm limits.

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Is it a bad idea for two couples to be roommates?

Not necessarily. It depends on whether you set some "rules" before moving in so that everyone is comfortable. As with any cohabitation (that's what it's called), it all depends on the chemistry between and among the people.

Why do my parents let my brother get away with things and not me. As a female I think things should be equal.

There are certain situations that daughters are going to be treated differently than sons. That will never change, although I totally get that you are frustrated. When we were younger, my parents let me walk to the corner market at night with another friend, but they wouldn't let my sister. Of course, she had a fit until she had daughters of her own. While any attacks are totally wrong, females are at much greater risk of predators. Unfortunately, that's never going to change.

My dad thinks it's funny to stare at the guys I go out with so they won't try anything. I ask him not to do it but he says he's just being a dad.

Your dad evidently definitely doesn't trust the guys who are taking you out, and may not think you can handle them. The best advice is to sit him down and have a good discussion with him. If you can get him to be more comfortable with how you are handing yourself, he might back off, but there are no guarantees.

Why do girls think it's ok to tease?

First, I hope you are not referring to all girls, because that would just be wrong. Assuming you mean girls using their sexuality to tease, it's generally because they have been reinforced in some way that they can get what they want by showing a little or being playful. It's like any other behavior. If there is a reward for a behavior, people keep doing it.

My kid bro keeps making stupid mistake with girls. I know he's only 18, but he keeps getting hurt. I don't want to be his mom, but it hurts to see him getting hurt so much. Should I let him learn the hard way?

What a great big sis. He keeps getting hurt because of the choices he's making, which is not unusual at his age. Download our app, Love Shopping List, on your phone or iPad and show him what you "discovered"about your own relationships, then leave it alone and let him discover things on his own. If you tell him directly, he'll probably never listen.

My gf found a lump in her breast but doesn't want to tell anyone because we found it together. I told her she needs to tell. What else should I tell her?

You have to keep talking with her. She is more concerned about getting in trouble than she is with the fatal consequences of not doing something early. If you really love her, you need to tell someone even if she won't. She may be mad at you, but you will be saving her life, and nothing is more important than that. BTW, she doesn't have to say that both of you discovered it. All she has to do is say that she found a lump. Please don't let her push this away.

What's the best method of birth control?

The truthful answer is not to have sex, but that is probably not what you are looking for. No method, let me say that again, no method is 100%, and that includes condoms. At least condoms have the additional benefit of helping protect you from STD's. In the end if you are going to have sex, you should be mature enough to also deal with any consequences that arise, and that includes pregnancy and emotions.

How do you break up without hurt feelings?

No matter what you do, feelings are going to be hurt, but as long as you are truthful and respectful, it will make things a bit better. The best approach is the "no blame"one. It's not that either of you is a bad person or did anything majorly wrong (unless someone did). It's just that the chemistry isn't right. Many times that is actually what happens.

I caught my fiance cheating with an old girlfriend. He wants me to give him another chance but I'm having trouble with that.

You're having trouble because your logical mind is telling you to kick the a-hole to the curb. He wasn't just your boyfriend, he was your fiance -- defined anywhere as a committed relationship. You need to lick your wounds and move on. You have to have enough self-respect not to allow ANYONE to treat you with such disrespect.

I hear krokodil is awesome. Should I try it and see for myself?

It's awesome if you enjoy seeing your skin bubble and die. The drug is mixed with lighter fluid. It's called krokodil because it makes the site of the injection look like crocodile skin. So, is that something you really want to do? Ultimately, it's your choice. There's a great country saying -- Ya can't fix stupid!!

my gf don't want to experiment, what do i do

In the strongest of terms I''m suggesting you respect what your gf says. No one should be forced or manipulated into doing anything they are uncomfortable with, especially when it comes to sex. For some strange reason many males think it's okay to push females into doing something they really don't want to do. Pure and simple, it is incredibly disrespectful. Real men don't ask women to do anything they are uncomfortable with.

How do I talk to boys I like with out being weird

Just be yourself. Don't try to be someone you are not, unless you really are weird. Carry on a conversation that you know something about and that interests you, and also find out what topics they like so you can talk about their interests, too. Sometimes trying too hard backfires. Relax. You'll do fine.

I'm 14 and I like this guy I talked to him a lot and thought everything was going great even though our conversations where not great. We talked by direct mesages on twitter. One day when I was going to talk to him and I noticed he blocked me and unfollowed me on Instagram too. I wanna talk to him

When people are 14 or 15 or 16, they change their minds often. You may want to talk with him, but don't do anything foolish that you may regret later. You may have to accept that he is just no longer interested. If this is the first time you have gotten serious attention, it might explain why you want to talk with him so badly. Don't worry. There will be more, so don't worry. We've all been through it.

My gf wants to shag me What should I do?

Assuming you are seriously concerned about this and not just pretending, you need to do what you are comfortable doing. The stereotypical response for a male is that you would have to be seriously screwed up to even think about turning her down. There’s a lot of casual sex today, which for some is perfectly fine. There are no strings attached and no expectations of a serious relationship. It’s just friends with benefits. Decades ago there was an “open marriage” concept that still exists to this day. Sex between two consenting adults is just that.

My bf died in a car accident. I don’t know if I could ever be in a relationship again. Will the pain ever go away.

I am truly sorry for you. You’ve heard the expression “Time heals everything.” While that may be true, it still leaves scars. You have suffered a very deep emotional wound. You need to allow yourself time to heal. In time you will be able to be involved again, but not now. I would suggest seeking some professional help and doing what is called grief work. The pain will get less and less, but there will always be a part of you that aches.

Is it wrong to date several guys at once?

As long as you are clear with everyone that you are seeing other guys, no, there’s nothing wrong. You’re having fun, and you haven’t yet figured out what you really want, and that’s okay. It can be awkward at times, especially if you find yourself in a public place with one guy, and another of the guys is there, but other than that you’ll figure it out. Just make sure you are just dating and not sleeping around so that your reputation doesn’t get trampled.

My boyfriend wants me to wear sexy clothes when we go out. It makes me feel cheap. Do I do it anyway just to please him?

You are not his girlfriend. You are his trophy so that he can show you off to others to make himself feel better. Sorry. That’s reality. There’s a huge difference between sexy and classy. You should wear what makes YOU feel good, not what makes him feel good. You can wear stuff that turns heads, if that’s what you want to do, without looking cheap. Real men don’t use their girlfriends as some type of symbol of their manhood ... or lack of manhood as seems to be the case with your bf.

Me and my husband are 22. We been married for 10 months. He tries to control everything I do and is always jealous if another guy even looks at me. What’s up with this?

Your husband is extremely insecure in his relationship with you. Even if there is no good cause for him to doubt you, the situation has the potential to spiral out of control. You both need professional help to get through this. It will NOT get better on it’s own. In fact, yours is the perfect scenario for the beginnings of domestic violence. Please get help before anything happens.

This couple in our group are always pulling pda’s between classes. It’s disgusting, but they don’t seem to care. Any ideas?

If the group starts to ignore them and not hang out with them, they will generally get the message. Even if they don’t, at least everyone else will feel better not having to see them all the time. From my experience, it’s usually the guy who initiates it, and it is a sign that he really doesn’t respect his gf. Some use pda’s as some kind of award, kind of like a hickey. Kind of like an animal having to urinate on their territory. The group needs to elevate itself away from the couple.

How do I help my kid brother from making the biggest mistake of his life by staying with his loser girlfriend?

If you tell him directly, he’ll never listen. You’re going to have to guide him by remote. I had a similar situation this past week. The guy downloaded our Love Shopping List app and then told his sister, “Look what I came across,” and let her experiment with it. Not a big surprise, she “discovered” that her current boyfriend was not what she really wanted. She actually told her brother, “I almost made a huge mistake.” Just drop hints. It generally works the best when people think they came up with the answers.

My bf is not exactly a great lover but he’s a great guy. How do I get him to know what to do?

Especially for males, everyone is expected to be a great lover, but nobody ever instructs them how. The act of intercourse itself is really no big deal. It occurs everywhere in the animal kingdom. But being a good lover takes knowledge and practice and ... education. Males and females generally do not really know what turns each other on, nor do they even necessarily know what turns themselves on. What’s more, males and females respond differently to different environments. The female sexual response is much more complicated and involves much more of the female brain. Males are much more like the preying mantis. You could bite our heads off, and we’d still probably perform. Get some books, tapes, etc. and educate yourselves together. It’s great for couples to experience that, regardless of the gender or sexual preference.

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my gf wants to shag me What Should I do

By definition, the word means inflicting pain on one’s self. Generally people who inflict pain on themselves do not value themselves. You don’t hurt someone/something you love. Masochism is considered to be an abnormal state, but you can certainly have your own opinion and think there is nothing wrong. There is a saying, “There is a fine line between pain and pleasure.” Many people try to flirt with that line. As far as “fixing those people,” they need to want to be helped before anyone can do anything. When patients have come to me regarding such issues, it is always tied to something from their past. Good therapy can assist those wanting to be assisted.


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