Dr. Andrew

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Is there love at first sight? I'm doubting myself but this guy seems absolutely perfect. How do I find out? I don't want to screw myself up.

Firstly, yes, there is love at first sight. It certainly is not a deep love at that point, but that's ok. My wife was love at first sight. Take your time. Use our app, Love Shopping List. It will help you a lot. It will help you decide.

My gf looks great. The problem is that since we been going together she's put on some weight. I don't know what's going on but my buddy says maybe my gf thinks she doesn't have to worry about the way she looks anymore. Could that be so? How do I talk with her?

I would NOT take that approach. Try to have active times together. Tell her you are on a new eating regimen that is really helping. Ask her if she'd like to do this together as a couple. Emphasize teamwork.

We been married for two years. I just found out my hubby has a child from another relationship that he says was just a one nighter. Am I wrong to think he should have told me about this before we got married? I think I deserved to know something like that.

You are absolutely right that he should have told you!! This is a trust issue. That being said, don't let his other child be the victim of your husband's lack of common sense. It certainly is a shock. You two very much need professional help.

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Our daughter is in love with one of her professors at college. We've tried to explain to her that a) it's not that unusual and b) it's not anything she or he should act on. We don't know what's going on from his end so I don't know about him. How do we help her?

If she's 18 or older, you don't have much leverage. Keep talking to her. Also explain that if she really has feelings for this guy, she is risking his whole career. You may consider talking "off the record" with the dean of her college or a counselor. They will be able to listen but not respond since FERPA (laws protecting people's rights) would be in effect.

I'm devastated. Our son is four. He had a health issue that he needed genetic testing for. It turns out I'm NOT his bio father. My wife had an affair after we were married about two years. I'm not sleeping or eating. I just feel sick to my stomach. I still love our son very much and would never

You absolutely get professional help. This is an issue that your son will have to deal with at some point in the future. She had to know, so this means it's also a huge trust issue that will need a lot of work if you choose to save your marriage.

How do I know if my bf will be an alcoholic? Both his parents drink like fish. I'm really worried. I'm not willing to go down that path.

Unfortunately, there is a much higher risk, especially with both parents drinking heavily. Fortunately, it's not an automatic. If he is given the right "tools," he does not have to repeat the pattern. Talk to him honestly about this.

My wife's boss keeps coming on to her. She doesn't want to lose her job so she doesn't say much but she's really upset. I'm not sure how to help her short of going in and confronting the guy. Do I just let her handle it or what?

Encourage her to talk to HR. I can understand why you would want to confront him, but it's best that she learn to stand up for herself. It's important for her future to feel empowered.

Can you love someone but not be in love with them? My wife says that's where she is with me now. I don't get it. I thought we had the perfect marriage and so did all our friends.

Sometimes marriages get off track. Many people get married and then neglect to keep putting energy and effort into the relationship. If it's not energized it will wither and die. Try not to let that happen. Get some couples' counseling.

Why can't my bf's parents mind their own business. They come over and criticize everything. I'm sick of it. I want to tell them off but my bf says to just ignore it. He says they've always criticized everything he's done.

He is enabling their behavior by not confronting them. It's your place, too. You should not have to tolerate anyone's criticism when they are guests in your home. If he won't confront them with you, do it yourself in a respectful fashion.

I know my gf loves me but she's always on me about the extra weight I'm carrying. It's getting really annoying. I don't know how to shut her up without blowing up the relationship.

Your gf obviously cares about you. Evidently, she cares more about you than you do. You two are not on the same page when it comes to caring about each other. Listen to her and get some help with this. A qualified nutritionist and maybe even a psychologist would be the best way to approach this.

My bf says I become an animal when I get my period. I know I get a bit emotional but I didn't think it was that bad. How do I take a realistic look at this? He says I should go see a doctor.

A suggestion- Have him keep a journal of your behaviors for about two months, not just during your period. Preferably, take him with you to a consultation with your GYN. At a minimum, take his journal. It will highlight the extreme differences. PMS is a real thing, not just something to joke about.

My sister has become a bridezilla. It's at a point where even her potential husband is having second thoughts. I'd like to talk with her but I don't know how to approach it.

I would not approach her alone. In the same way that an intervention is used with an addict, it should be used in this situation. Your sister may be so all consumed with the stress of the wedding and marriage that she literally cannot see what she is doing.

I have gone out with males and females (I'm a female). I'm not sure which way to lean. How does a person know which is the best for me? I'm open to any suggestions.

If you aren't ready to make a decision, don't. It may be that you are bisexual. Just go with the flow. Sometimes it takes people a long time to figure themselves out. Be kind to yourself, and don't rush to judgment.

Are the sites that check out people really reliable? I'd like to check out this woman. She seems the real deal but I want to be as sure as possible. She just seems too good to be true.

You get what you pay for. If you're going to use them, don't go cheap. The one's that have been around the longest are the most reliable. I personally think it's a good idea to do your "due diligence" when you're getting serious with someone.

My gf doesn't drink everyday but when she drinks she REALLY drinks. She has between 6-8 drinks in a few hours. Do I talk with her about being an alcoholic? It scares me.

Your gf is a binge alcoholic. Tell her that you love her and are very worried about her health. Volunteer to go with her to get some help for herself. She needs all the support you can give her, as well as from others.

What does it mean when a girl smiles at a boy??

Don't get carried away in your dreams! It just could mean she's being polite and friendly. Let's start with that. DON'T make any assumptions.

I'm scared about getting married. We've been going together for a little over two years. I'm not sure why. She hasn't done anything to scare me. How do I get past this?

Marriage is one of the biggest events in one's life, and, as a result, is also one of the most stressful. As a psychologist, I often work with couples BEFORE they get married to help avoid pitfalls and stress. Try it.

What would you do if your bf/gf is constantly locking you out of your room while there in there with a friend of yours who has a crush on them?

As with the previous answer, get rid of them. NEVER allow someone to disrespect you. No one deserves to be treated that way.
Liked by: Rick

What would you do if your gf/bf makes your best friend spit on you constantly and then runs off with them to their place and spends more time with them than you?

Drop them like a hot potato. That's not something a real friend does. Don't allow anyone to treat you that way.
Liked by: Rick

My parents are divorced, but I want them both to walk me down the aisle for my wedding. My father is on board but not my mother. I've tried talking with her but nothing works. What do I do?

You simply say that your father will be walking you down the aisle and that you would love for her to do that, too, but the choice is her. If she's a good mom, she'll put your needs on this special day ahead of her ego. Otherwise, just go down the aisle with your father.

My husband cheated on his first wife with me. At first I didn't think much of it, but now I'm super worried that he'll do it again. What is a serial cheater?

Got a mirror???????? Think about it.

Me and my bf go to church regularly. The problem is this one lady who tells us we are living in sin. I feel like telling her to f off, but my bf says not to pay attention, that she's just a bitter old maid. How do I get past this? It really bugs me.

There are lots of ways to handle this, but the one that would be the classiest would be to say nothing and just smile. Drives 'em nuts. Zealots, regardless of what religion, are a pain in the ass!

Me and my gf have been going together for almost two years. Some mail came and I saw that she has a bank account she never told me about. I think she should have told me. She says she never tried to hide it and she's had it since she was 15. Am I being paranoid?

In one word, yes. If she's had it for that long, she probably doesn't give it much thought. Plus, if you are just bf & gf, why do you need to know? As she said, she didn't hide it.

Me and my girlfriends had a discussion. Should a woman open a door for a guy? I'm still not sure how I feel about this.

Traditionally, a guy should open the door, but there's nothing wrong nowadays with a woman opening the door (jump right in here, Ladies). I am old-fashioned (ok, old), but I still like opening the doors, really for anyone.

I'm 17. My parents just told me they have an open marriage. Holy crap! This freaks me out. I know they're both adults but WTF. It's like they never considered the effects on me and my kid brother. I feel like disowning them both. Suggestions?

Your parents did not do a good job of investigating the effects on the family. In my opinion, they are selfish. I know that's judgmental, but there is a responsibility to children. The proper way to have handled it would have been with a therapist. You should probably see one now.


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