Dr. Andrew

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I live in a duplex with my mom. There is a gay couple in the other apartment. I hang out with them sometimes because they are gamers. My mom tells me I should not do that because of what they may do. I've tried to tell her they are just very nice. Do you have anything I could say to her?

The best way to handle it would be to introduce her to them. When people actually meet, it usually results in a difference of opinion. Try doing that. You can even show them their gaming system.

I'm pretty sure my gf's little bro stole $20 out of my backpack when I was over at her house. I know where I put it and he was the only other person there. Should I confront him or let her hancle it? Now I totally can't trust him.

Given what you have explained, I think the best course of action would be to first discuss it with your girlfriend, and then have the two of you sit down and confront him. I think her parents need to be involved as well.

My culture does not allow me to go out with guys without being supervised. I think this is bs but I don't want to disrespect my parents or grandparents. I've snuck out a couple of times but then I feel so guilty after. I don't want to get in trouble but I also want to go out alone. I'm 18. ???

Cross cultural issues are always difficult you are dealing with a culture that attempts to strictly control women. You are going to have to make a choice as to what you want to do. I would get help from a professional therapist who is very familiar with your culture.

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My bf's parents invited me and my mother over for dinner. My mother got really drunk, threw up and passed out. I'm so embarrassed I don't think I can ever go back over there. I've apologized to them about my mother. They said not to worry about it. Do you think she ruined my relationship?

I can understand why you would be embarrassed. It sounds like his parents handled it really well. It does not sound like your relationship is over. You are not responsible for your mother’s actions.

I don't know what to do. A coworker had a party and invited everyone else in our office except me. It got back to me that it's because I'm gay and have a boyfriend. I'm not sure how to handle this. Do I confront her? It now makes work really uncomfortable every day.

Clearly, this person made his or her position on homosexuality clear. The former first lady of the United States said it best when she said, “ when they go low, we go high.” Go up to this person and congratulate them on having a good party. That should do it.

I watched to Golden Globes with my bf. He said he thought the protest was way overblown. I was shocked. How should I approach this?

Your boyfriend has just given you A roadmap to his thought process. It is thinking like his that has caused the problem not to be properly addressed in the past. It is the very reason that women have come out with the #MeToo and #Time’sUp movements. You don’t necessarily need to write him off. You can certainly try to educate him.

My wife thinks we should have separate bank accounts in addition to our mutual one. This has caused me to become paranoid that something is going on she wants to hide. What do other married couples do?

Many couples have separate accounts and/or combined accounts. It just depends on what the two of you decide together. That being said, it is always a good idea to be transparent with the accounts. That way there are no misunderstandings.

My mom has always been the person I trust the most. I started dating this girl and my mom says she is very worried that the girl is not the right one. Do I listen to her or do I do my own "research"? I'm beginning to doubt myself.

There is no reason to make this and either or choice. You may be blinded by your emotions, and that allows your mother to be more objective. However you should still do your own due diligence. That way you will be able to combine the information and observations from both of you and make a more informed decision.

Please settle this. My bf says that no one has ever died from marijuana. I said that's impossible. We've both done research and the results are mixed. We both use so we're just curious.

The reason that the research is mixed is because it depends how one defines the problem. Generally speaking one cannot overdose from marijuana. However, there are no statistics yet showing how many people were in accidents because they were high at the time of the accident. In the future there will be statistics that clearly demonstrate that people have died at the hands of drivers driving high. So, for the sake of the discussion, you are both right.

My daughter is 14. I'm dating this guy that I think is really nice. She hates him even though he's never done anything wrong to her or me and he never tries to be her dad. What do I do? I don't like having to choose.

Your daughter needs professional help. She probably feels a loyalty to her father and thinks that if she likes this man, it is being disloyal to her father. This is a very common occurrence with either parent dates of your people after a divorce. Just get her the help.

There's this guy I've been seeing, not exactly a boyfriend. He got really drunk at a party and passed out. My dad was an alcoholic and this situation really freaked me out. He apologized but I don't know if I can go out with this guy again. Any suggestions?

Clearly, alcoholism is a trigger for your emotional reaction. It is evident that you were traumatized by your father’s behaviors. It makes perfect sense that you would react in the fashion you did. All you can do is explain it to your BF and hope he understands. If it is just one occurrence, that is onething. If he repeats, you need to move on.

My mom and dad fight all the time. It freaks me out so much that I don't know if should date here in college. The college counselor says that just because that's what my parents do, it doesn't mean that will be me. How do I stop the pattern? I don't want a relationship like theirs.

You are actually taking the proper steps so that you don’t repeat the pattern your parents have laid out. By getting professional help and discussing your concerns, you have short circuited the dysfunction bed has occurred in your nuclear family. You have nothing to fear. Their type of dysfunction is not automatic unless it goes on checked.

Me and this other girl have hooked up. We both dated guys and never even thought about girls until this happened. We're both confused now as to what we are. How does this happen? I'm freaking out.

Nothing really to worry about. It sounds like both of you are at the experimental stage. That doesn’t mean that you are straight, gay, or bi. It just means you are experimenting with your sexuality. I would not make more of it than it is.

I'd like to be more confident in my dating choices in this new year. How do I do that? Had 2 bad relationships in 2017. Same problem with both guys.

Our app, Love Shopping List, was designed specifically for this reason. It empowers you to make better relationship choices. Don't jump from one relationship to another just to be in one. You will wind up making the same choices.

My bf wants to go into law enforcement. I don't think I can handle being with someone that has a target on his back every single day. Am I being unreasonable? What do other partners do? I really love him but ...

You are not being unreasonable. You are expressing your fears. Find out if you can talk with spouses/partners of others in law enforcement. They are in the best position to give you advice because they can relate. That will be your best source of information.

I'm a 63 yo widow. I want to date again but I'm scared. Even my grandchildren are giving me advice. I feel so inadequate and lost. I'm not even sure how to go about figuring this out. What do you think?

This is a very common issue with older individuals who have not dated for years whether because of being widowed or other reasons. I would urge you to get into group therapy with others who are having the same issue. They will be able to offer you both support and suggestions. Talk to your local psychological association for a recommendation.

I went back to my high school reunion and ran into an old boyfriend. We are both married but we hooked up for a night. I don't know how honest to be with my husband. I am not a very good liar so I'm worried he will see right through me. Do I just tell him?

You not only went back to your high school reunion, it sounds like you went back to high school. I seriously think you should discuss this with a professional. A lot depends on your relationship with your husband. It's a very touchy situation. Don't do anything without thoroughly talking it over with someone who is experienced in handling these matters.

My partner and I work at the same company. There are no regs against dating coworkers. But we are worried about being gay and coming out. What is the "PC" way to do this so it doesn't cause any problems? Do we even need to come out to coworkers?

Since there are no barriers to dating coworkers, why would you think you two need to come out? It seems to be no different than any straight relationship. It's no one else's business unless you make it their business. Is it possible you are still uncomfortable with being gay? No need. You're fine however you are.

My wife has put on 70 pounds since we got married 3 years ago. She's only 5'4". I love her but I find myself looking at other women. I still want to be with her but I'm confused by my behavior. I have not acted on any impulses, but I have caught myself staring. What's going on?

You may not want to admit it, but it's clear that your wife is aesthetically displeasing to you, no matter how much you say you love her. You are looking at these other women because, to you, they are more visually pleasing. Great that you have not acted on your impulses, but, to put it simply, she turns you off. Time to get some professional help for both of you.

My gf wants to change her gender status to "No Gender". She still wants to be my gf and says nothing else will change. She says she just wants to make a statement. I don't get it. I'm trying to be supportive of everything she does but this makes no sense to me. How do I handle this?

You handle it by being supportive of her decision for herself. She's already told you that it's a statement and that nothing else will change. She obviously feels very strongly about supporting people who want/need this designation. You don't need to "handle" anything except yourself.

I'm trying to get my gf to work out with me. She's got a great figure and I want her to keep it. We're both 30. She says she's got good genes so she doesn't have to worry about it. Do you think genes are enough?

Good genes will only go so far. In addition, research has demonstrated quite well that exercise is one of the best ways to keep you brain in good shape. It doesn't take a lot, but it works well. Also, exercise has been shown to be as effective as meds for mild to moderate anxiety and depression. All great benefits.

We are planning a wedding. My bf says it's up to me on what it should be like but I would like him involved. He insists whatever makes me happen will make him happy. I don't understand how he could not have opinions on something this important. Don't guys care?

There are many reasons why guys hesitate to get involved with the planning, and it may not be at all that he doesn't care. It may be that he is just more concerned with making you happy. Don't make assumptions. Talk calmly to him. Don't become a BRIDEZILLA!!

I've put on a few pounds. My wife is an amazing cook but if I don't eat a lot she thinks it's a criticism of her cooking. I've tried to tell her I'm trying to watch my weight but she just gets kind of pissy if I don't clean my plate. What do I say?

Just tell her exactly what you've said here, that you think she is an awesome cook, but you want both of you to be healthy. If your family has a history of obesity, you can bring that up, as well. Keep complimenting her and just regulate yourself. Her insecurities should not adversely affect your health.

I'm worried my wife is an alcoholic. She drinks about a bottle of wine a day. She's never slurred her speech, staggered, or done anything inappropriate even at social events. She says she just like it. Should I be worried? Isn't there like a two drink barrier for women?

I wouldn't be so concerned about labeling her, but I would worry about her health. For anyone, male or female, to consume a bottle of wine a day every day is simply not healthy. I would talk to her doctor. Her doctor can't give you any information because of confidentiality, but the doctor can listen to you, which seems to be something your wife won't.

There's this girl in my high school chem class that is so unbelievable I can't concentrate in class. I'd like to ask her out but I'm chicken. She's very friendly. My friends just say to go for it and ask her out. I can't seem to get past the fear of rejection. Do you have any suggestions?

Welcome to the world of dating! There is ALWAYS the possibility of rejection, but, as the saying goes, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." If you want to go out at all, you're going to have to get out of your comfort zone. Just start with some good conversation and be friends first. Let her get to know you first, then maybe you can enjoy the fruits of your labor. Dilly dilly!


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