Dr. Andrew

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Do you believe in "and they lived happily ever after"?

Not if one is buying a relationship lottery ticket.
Try our app "Love Shopping List". You'll be empowered to make better relationship choices.

I just heard about “stealthing.” How do I make sure that doesn’t happen? That’s sick!

The only sure way is to abstain, which is not realistic for most people. You should have a serious discussion with any potential sexual partner. My opinion is that it is on a par with any other violation of a person. Regrettably, this goes back to the idea of male dominance. It is completely inexcusable and laws should reflect that!

My gf just told me she’s “non binary”. WTF does that mean? Should I break up?

It just means she does not want to be identified as either male or female.

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How old do you have to be to get married? We live in the U.S. I hear it’s different everywhere.

It is different. Different states have different regulations regarding marriage. Some are much younger than other. I would definitely check your state regulations.

I was wondering if your app helps those who are having relationship problems?

Our app, Love Shopping List, will help you sort out what you want and don't want. There are no guarantees, but at least you can get a reasonably objective idea about whether you really meet each other's needs. It empowers you to make better relationship choices. Try it out: http://bit.ly/PqCrtc

My GF always wants me to apologize first in an argument. Should I?

Your relationship should not be about competitive scoring, it should be about wanting to make each other happy.

Should I think about my partner all the time when we are apart?

Research shows the more often you think about your partner when you’re apart, the more in love you feel. It shouldn't have to be an effort.

During this political climate, how is your love life?

More than ever, keep it light. Relationships are all about love aren't they?

My bf keeps bugging me to get a boob job. IDK what to do. He doesn't bug me about anything else. Thoughts?

It is YOUR body. Only YOU get to decide what to do with it, and no one has a right to pressure you. If you are okay with yourself as is, DO NOT make changes just so he can display you like a trophy. If he persists, tell him you'd like for him to get a penis enlargement. See how that sits with him.

Me and this girl met online. We've gone out a couple of times and really hit it off well. Both our parents are divorced so we are both scared about moving forward. Are there steps we can follow to help out?

Our app, Love Shopping List, will help you sort out what you want and don't want. There are no guarantees, but at least you can get a reasonably objective idea about whether you really meet each other's needs. It empowers you to make better relationship choices.

Me and my third cousin really like each other. We are both worried about genetics if we got married and have a family. What is considered distant enough to be safe?

There are no absolutes, but third cousins or beyond are considered "safe" with regards to genetics. There are not that many degrees of separation among all of us anyway.

I have taken this girl out 5 times. She has never offered even once to pay. I really like her and thinks she's great except for this one thing. Am I being too picky? What do others do?

It all depends on the person. There are still the traditionalists that feel the man should pay for dates, but most people today feel that it's only reasonable to split things. That could be directly splitting the bill or just alternating who pays.

I just found out something about my bf that disgusts me. I thought he was the greatest until I found out he belongs to this "alt right" group. I almost felt like puking. When I confronted him, he just said that's his belief. I feel betrayed and don't know what to do.

This is a very personal decision you have to make. There is no other way to put this. Your bf belongs to a hate group. There are those that will say I am judging someone else's beliefs. Maybe so, but hate in any forms is not okay with me nor should it be with anyone. People aren't born hating. They learn it.

My gf's mother gets sloppy drunk and slobbers all over me. I've tried to tell my gf how this makes me feel but she just laughs it off and tells me to ignore it. I don't think I can do that. The woman has even tried to kiss me and my gf thinks it's funny. How do I handle this?

Your gf and family are in denial, AND they, including your gf, are enabling the woman's behavior by not confronting her. Unfortunately, the only way out if they continue to ignore the problem is to end your relationship. You may not be able to overcome family dynamics.

Me and my boyfriend moved in together and were getting along just fine until his buddy decided to come "visit" us for a while. He's been here for almost 3 weeks now. He keeps saying he's leaving but he doesn't. My bf seems to ignore it, but I can't. I know they are close friends, but ...?

You need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel and that you also think his buddy is taking advantage of him. If you're bf agrees, you both need to sit down with this guy and in a gentle way tell him he has overstayed his welcome.

I get these weird vibes every time I'm around my bf's father. He's never said or done anything, but it's just a feeling. IDK if I should discuss it with my bf. I don't want to cause problems, but I also don't like feeling uncomfortable. Do you have any suggestions?

Unless there is something that has happened, or looks or comments, I would suggest carefully thinking through what it is that you are feeling. Otherwise, your bf may look at you like you are nuts. You may want to talk to a therapist to see if you can identify what is causing the feelings.

My partner and I have been together for over 4 years. People know we are a gay couple but some people keep trying to set us up with females. We try to handle it politely, but it's getting to the point that we are ready to go off on some of these people. It's called RESPECT.

There are still people around who have difficulty with the concept of same sex couples. Maybe out of ignorance or resistance. Just keep your mantra – "Thank you, but I'm already in a committed relationship." Getting angry won't help you.

Me and my gf recently moved in with each other. I was living with 3 other guys before. I've tried to explain about the toilet seat issue and that it may take me a little bit to get used to the idea of putting it down, but she really gets on me. It's not like I'm not trying.

And it better be a steep learning curve. The best advice to help you out is to post a note until you get in the habit of putting it down. It may not seem like much, but trust me, you don't want to encounter a female who sat down in the middle of the night only to find no toilet seat and plunged down into the toilet.

Should I say something?

It's their relationship. I would leave it alone. It will blow up in your face if you get in the middle. I can understand that you want to protect your gf, but don't go there.

My gf's mother is a real pain. I'm not sure what to do, but she is always critical of my gf. It really upsets me. My gf says to just ignore it, but I'm not sure I want to. Personally, I think she's jealous of her daughter because she's quite overweight and my gf is like model quality. Should I

It's their relationship. I would leave it alone. It will blow up in your face if you get in the middle. I can understand that you want to protect your gf, but don't go there.

I'm a confused male. I do everything I can think of to try to please my gf. I could do the same thing that made her happy two days ago but then it doesn't. I know guys joke about the "rules" but c'mon. Any suggestions as to how to be consistently successful?

There's a not-so-tongue-in-cheek expression among couples' therapists. Just get the guys to say "Yes, Dear," and that will resolve 95% of relationship problems. I know this pisses a lot of guys off with claims of "That's not fair," but do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

My bf is into porn. He says there's nothing wrong with it. I don't think he's addicted or anything like that since he just watches it maybe once a week. He wants me to watch it with him but it's not my thing. I told him I'm fine if he wants to watch it but I don't. Did I say the right thing?

As long as it's not out of hand, and as long as you are ok with having him watch, you are both adults, so it doesn't sound like a big problem. Unless it is!! Many couples watch adult films together and find them stimulating, while other couples do not. It's all about personal preferences and what's agreed upon between the two of you.

My husband of one year had told me he thinks he made a mistake getting married. Now he comes back and says he thinks he made a mistake saying that. My head is spinning. What do I do?

Absolutely for sure the two of you need to see a couples' therapist as soon as possible. Since I don't have a lot of information, the only thing I can say is that there are some deep issues that neither of you were aware of. One way or another, those issues need to be resolved. I'm sure you are confused and hurt.

My bf is great in every way except he is too controlling. Maybe it's part of our Latino culture, but I'm not sure I like it. What do other contemporary Latino couples do? How is it handled?

Cross cultural issues are often difficult to deal with. This is 2017, so my personal belief is that the old idea of a male dominated culture should be banished. In a good relationship you don't try to control your partner. You support your partner! That should be the final word.


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