My gf says we should ask people to pay us cash as a gift. She says it’s reasonable to ask for whatever it costs us to have them to the wedding. That doesn’t sound right to me. Is she right?

May 19, 2017

That is sooooooo tacky and classless. Let me put up this warning. You may want to seriously rethink marrying her. Her behavior with this is a window into what your future is going to be filled with. People should go to wedding to celebrate, not to repay the people who are getting married.

Two guys and me live together in an apartment. I’m really falling for one of them. I’m worried what would happen if we break up but still have to live together. Any suggestions?

May 19, 2017

Talk about it openly. That's the only way to approach it. You both have to have the "what if" discussion so that you can come to some sort of agreement before your relationship proceeds further. Otherwise it can get pretty nasty pretty quickly with a breakup. On the good side, since you've already lived together, it may work out into something fantastic.

I’m trying to explain to my best friend that she doesn’t need to be “de-virginized” (her term) just because she’s turning 18. What are some good points to make.

May 19, 2017

Is she asking to be talked out of having sex? Is she asking to be talked into having sex? Your friend is confused. She needs to get her mind straight before making the decision. That's really all you can say to her. Her age has nothing to do with it. She sounds like a middle school student wanting to do what everyone else is doing. That's not a good reason to have sex.

Me and my bf are AA and have white parents. Does that mean we could have kids that are all white or??? We are trying to make smart decisions about us.

May 19, 2017

It's all about genetics. While it is not impossible, the most likely outcome is blended shades and blended physical attributes. I vote for having healthy children and letting everything else be a non-issue.

Me and my gf have been commuting cross country for about 6 months. I’m worried that this won’t last. What do other long distance relationship people do?

May 19, 2017

It really depends on the individuals. For some, the need to be with someone every day is really important. For others long distance does not present problems. In fact, for some individuals the relationship is actually enhanced by being apart for periods of time. There is no right or wrong. Get some professional help so that both of you know what you REALLY want.

Me and my bf want to do genetic testing to make sure there are no bad genes that could pop up.. His parents think that’s a great idea but mine say we should just leave it up to the Lord. I’m confused.

May 19, 2017

Personally, I think it's a very wise thing to do. I don't approach it from a religious point of view, since there is no life involved, and no one can bring up the abortion issue. It' s just trying to find out. You still have to weigh the risks. Our good friends lost their only child because they never knew they were both carriers for the cystic fibrosis gene.

Should couples do dieting together? We’re both worried it will just turn into a competition. We’ve both put on a bunch of weight since we’ve been going together. We’ve been having way too much fun.

May 19, 2017

It will only turn into competition if you work against each other. Changing your eating habits together is both good for your health and good for your relationship. Get healthy together and enjoy life!!

My bf is trying to kick a heroin habit. He has asked me to carry Narcan just in case he OD’s. I feel like I wold be enabling him if I do that but I also don’t want to lose him. What do you think I should do?

May 19, 2017

Your bf is asking for help. Carrying Narcan is actually very smart. He's obviously trying to do this himself, which is REALLY hard, and he's scared. Enabling him would be making excuses for his behavior or covering for him. You're not. I would also try to convince him to get help. It will dramatically increase his chances of success.

How do we check out our son’s girlfriend? She has pulled some really shady moves and always has an excuse. He is truly blinded by his love for her.

May 12, 2017

There are plenty of services online that can help you check her out. You also have the option of retaining the services of a private investigator. Follow your gut. You don't say exactly what the "shady moves" are, but obviously it makes you uncomfortable. You are probably right that he is blinded, so you'll have to act as his eyes.

This guy from my school keeps sending me these nasty avatars. I wonder if this is sexual harassment. I’ve told him to stop but he just keeps sending back smily faces and then does it again.. I told my counselor but he just said to ignore it.

May 12, 2017

The laws are not up to speed with technology and the current social media goings on. That being said, I believe your counselor is wrong. It IS sexual harassment. It's time to go over your counselor's head. If that doesn't work, it's time to contact an attorney.

We’ve tried couples therapy but my bf just keeps stalling any commitment past living together. I don’t know what to do. Do I give him an ultimatum or just move on? All the therapist does is ask me how I feel about that. Same bullshit every session.

May 12, 2017

Your bf is telling you what he is feeling by his behavior. He is not ready and may never be. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to wait an indefinite amount of time. If the answer is no, it's time to move on.

My bf wants to travel together. I’ve said I don’t want to until our relationship is further along. He says that’s the whole idea about traveling together, to see how we get along... I’m confused.

May 12, 2017

How far you go and when you do has to work for both of you. If you are truly not comfortable, don't do it because you will regret it later. The two of you should talk about what your relationship looks like going forward so that both of you are happy.

I’ve never cheated on my wife but I found out she cheated once. It was before we were married and we had split up for a month. I’m having a lot of trouble getting past this. Am I being stupid or what. Things are fine between us now but I’m still spinning on it.

May 12, 2017

You say you were split up. That means neither of you was obligated not to go out with anyone else. If your marriage is fine now, leave it that way. You may need some short-term therapy to get by if you can't get past it on your own.

My little sister is being harassed at school. I know the guy and he’s a real dirtbag. I want to set him straight but she says to let her handle it. The problem is he still hasn’t stopped. I don’t want to disrespect her, but her way is not working. Your advice?

May 12, 2017

You need to report it to a school official. If you take it into your own hands, it could get you into a lot of difficulty. Give your sister the help and the tools to handle herself so that she feels confident. That way she'll be able to handle future situations with confidence.

I got drunk and played strip poker and lost. Nothing else went on. My bf was working so he wasn’t there. Everyone has told him nothing happened but he doesn’t believe it. How doe I convince him?

May 12, 2017

First things first. Don't get so drunk that you don't really know what you're doing. Second, don't play any kind of poker when you are drunk. If the "everyone" are people you both know, that's about all you can do. You're not going to convince him otherwise. Give it some time and maybe he'll come around.

This girl talks to me a lot at school. She’s really friendly. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make any assumptions and look like an ass. Actually I’d love to go out with her. I’m kind of scared. Do I have a friend ask her about me?

May 12, 2017

Never ask a friend to go ask a girl on your behalf. It shows that you are not mature enough to go out in the first place. I know it's scary, but it's part of growing up and dating. Write out what you want to say and practice it so you are more confident. When the time is right, ask her yourself.

I just heard about “stealthing.” How do I make sure that doesn’t happen? That’s sick!

May 05, 2017

The only sure way is to abstain, which is not realistic for most people. You should have a serious discussion with any potential sexual partner. My opinion is that it is on a par with any other violation of a person. Regrettably, this goes back to the idea of male dominance. It is completely inexcusable and laws should reflect that!

How far away on the relative chart does a cousin have to be before you can marry him? Me and my cousin are seriously in love but we don’t want to create problems.

May 05, 2017

Generally speaking extending out to being third cousins is OK. Keep in mind that even though many people don't like the idea, we are ALL related. The purpose in not marrying too close is to try to vary the gene pool so the bad genes don't come through.

My gf just got a boob job. I thought she looked good before. She’s pissed at me for not telling her how great she looks. Did I screw up by not saying something? Now what?

May 05, 2017

Your girlfriend sounds extremely insecure. She is looking for validation and attention. Actually, you handled it very well by telling her you thought she looks great either way. Turn it around by telling her that you are happy for her if it makes her happy.

Our son is in high school. He’s dating this wonderful young lady. We can’t believe how he talks to her. He was definitely NOT raised like that. How should we handle it?

May 05, 2017

Somehow he has gotten the idea that this is OK. As his parents you have every obligation to sit him down and tell him what you are observing. I would even ask him where he got the idea to treat a woman that way. His answer may surprise you.

Me and my gf live together. Here’s my problem. She is a first class slob. I am constantly picking up or cleaning up after her. I’ve tried to talk to her but she just laughs at me. Do I just break up or what?

May 05, 2017

I am assuming you have tried to get her to clean up many times. What you are seeing is the way she will be going forward. You will have to decide if it is so upsetting that you cannot live with it for decades. You might want to try some short term counseling.

This guy I’ve been dating told me he had me thoroughly checked out and I passed. I don’t know whether to be happy or break up with him. Is this the in thing to do now? I thought we had a trust between us.

May 05, 2017

In this day and age it is actually a good idea. You should also do the same on him so that there are no secrets.

My bf wants to ask my father if it’s ok to marry me. I’m over 18 so I don’t need anyone’s permission and I told him that. Isn’t that a lot old fashioned? My bf says it’s the right thing to do.

May 05, 2017

It's an old tradition. Your boyfriend sounds like a romantic. However, many women today feel that the tradition needs to be thrown out because it dates back to women as property. Come up with a compromise so that there is no argument between you. How about if both of you sit down with your parents and just tell them what you want to do?

I don’t know if I’m bisexual. I like being with males and females but I don’t know that I want a label. I also don’t know if this is just a phase. Is there a way to really know?

May 05, 2017

No, there is really no way to absolutely know. That being said, I would not waste your time trying to figure it out. Just keep going and you will eventually have your answer. It is perfectly normal to experiment.

My gf is an outstanding athlete. I’m a klutz. Our friends always make fun of the relationship and ask who REALLY wears the pants. This doesn’t bother her but it upsets me. I’m more artsy. Can this relationship really work out?

April 28, 2017

Of course, it can work. Your friends are stuck in the stereotype business. Women can be athletes, and men can be artists. Be wise like your gf. Just smile and laugh it off. Enjoy your relationship.

Dr. Andrew

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