Dr. Andrew

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Me and my bf have been doing weed for a while. I wanted to stop but he asked why since we don’t overdo it. I’m not sure why I want to stop but I don’t know how to express it. It’s not getting in the way of our relationship. Maybe should I just let it go?

You can not control anyone but you. If you want to stop, then do it. You will then have to decide if you still want to be with your bf. You should not tell him what to do anymore than he should tell you what to do.

My parents have been divorced since I was 6 and I”m 17. All of a sudden my dad wants back in. He and my mom are thinking about it. The problem is my dad doesn’t like my bf. He says my bf doesn’t treat me well. So I’m caught between wanting my parents back together and not. I would like some help

You are old enough to explain to your dad that he's been out of touch with a lot of your life, so you would appreciate him talking to you instead of dictating. I would also ask your mom what she thinks of your bf. That way you'll have a better view of what both of them think. Maybe your dad is right and you don't see it.

I met this girl online. We met in person and she’s not what she put online. I’m trying not to get mad but I can’t help thinking I got played. How can I end it and not come off as a jerk?

Just don't ask her out again. The anger will get you nowhere. When she communicates, and she will, just tell her that you had a good time, and thank her. Basically, be a politician and don't address the question. If you take the direct approach, you'll come off as a jerk because you hurt her feelings, even though she misrepresented herself. Be the bigger person.

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Dating hasn’t been easy for me. I’m a shy guy. I’ve tried some dating sites but they are never successful. I’ve spent a lot of $$ and time and gotten nowhere. Is there something I’m missing in my searches?

I would strongly suggest seeing an experienced therapist and working on social skills. Also, you may be going out with the wrong people for you. Do you know what you want? Try our app, Love Shopping List, and see what you really want, and then try finding someone who matches your list.

My dad and my bf almost got in a real fight over the election ( I live in Oregon). I had to get in between them. This has caused me to have serious concerns about both of them. My dad says I need to dump my bf. It’s like a nightmare. What can I do? I really love both of them.

You need to tell them both how it makes you feel. Your dad needs to act like an adult, but so does your bf. Unfortunately, they are both acting like immature brats, and you should tell them that in a respectful but firm way.

My bf’s friend fat shamed me on FB. I am furious that my bf didn’t let the a-hole have it. He says it’s my battle to fight, not his. Is he right?

First, you don't need anyone to fight for you. You need to be strong enough to tell him that if he ever says that again, you will tear his testicles off and wear them as earrings. Then you should dump your bf since he is a gutless POS! How's THAT for professional advice?

I started going out with this guy. We’ve been going out for 3 months. He found out my mom is in jail for drugs and now he says he’s breaking up with me because I never told him. Am I supposed to put out a disclaimer to every guy I go out with? I’m really hurt and don’t know how to handle this.

It's too bad you are the victim AGAIN. You might want to explain the awkwardness after a date or two so that you don't go through this again. Look at it from his point of view - what else are you hiding. Better to be upfront about these things so they don't become a big deal.

Why is it that every time I go out on a date I have the feeling that I’m in love? It’s not like I’m starved for affection. I just have these fantasies of romance. I’m worried that guys will be turned off. I don’t say anything about this, but I wonder if they know.

It depends on how good an actress you are. You really need to stop being relationship needy. It has the tendency to have you enter into unproductive relationships. It sounds like you just want to be in a relationship no matter who it's with. Don't do that. You need to be choosy. Use our app, Love Shopping List, to help you figure out what you want.

Sometimes I wonder if males and females really do come from different planets. The simplest things seem to get screwed up in translation. Is there some type of male-female dictionary to help out? It sure would make life easier.

Welcome to life!! There is no formal dictionary, but there are lots of people who can try to tell you what different things mean to different people. A lot is really humorous. Often when I see couples, I have to be a "translator" to get them to understand what the other person is saying or doing. By the way, this has been going on for a little while ... like thousands of years, so you are not alone.

I must have had beer goggles on last weekend. I saw the guy I was with and OH CRAP! I guess I said I would go out again. How do I politely get out of it now? Almost makes me want to stop drinking.

You can try delaying it, but you did say you would go out. This is a good lesson for you. Interesting new study that beer actually does loosen people, particularly women, up. Maybe one more date WITHOUT BEER, and then no thank you.

My gf is always wearing tight stuff. I’m having trouble with it since guys keep staring. I’ve asked her about it, but she just says she likes the style. Is it me or is it her?

First, yes, you sound a bit insecure. If this is truly her style, and it's what she has worn even before going with you, then that's her thing. You have to examine why it bothers you. She can wear "tight stuff" and still look classy. Why not? I believe if you got it, flaunt it, but do it in a classy way. And, by the way, examine your sexism. would you criticize a well built guy for wearing tight shirts? I doubt it.

For me drugs are a no-no. I was upfront with my bf from the start. One of his friends posted a pic of them with a blunt. My bf said he was just posing for the pic. I’m not sure I believe him.. What do I do?

Be very clear that if there is anything like that again, you are done. You were upfront with him, so he knows that this is one of your make it or break it issues. If he violates it, it's on him.

I love my grandparents dearly but they (mainly my grandpa) are really bigoted. My bf’s mom is white and father black. They are wonderful. My grandpa keeps lecturing me. I don’t want to disrespect them, but I need help.

Tell them (him) that, as you said, you love them dearly. But also explain that it hurts you a lot that he keeps making comments and that the only choice he is leaving you is to not be around them. That's not disrespectful. It's setting boundaries. Unfortunately, racism is alive and well despite what many people think.

My wife and me are in our mid 20’s. We’ve been married 6 months. All of a sudden she has been drinking a lot. She never did this before. I’m really worried and don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to her but she just blows me off. I feel like the ship is sinking. Any suggestions?

First, I would strongly suggest going to Alanon for support. Is there a family history of alcoholism? It is strange that you never saw this prior. Did something happen that was traumatic? Ask her if you both can go for marriage counseling. If she refuses and continues the behavior, unfortunately you may have to make some hard choices. Check with her relatives and friends to see if this has happened before.

I’m a college coed. Me and my roomie have fallen for each other. I never had feelings for another female before. I’m not sure how to handle it. It’s scaring me, but I really do love her. Could this just be “experimenting”?

Feelings are feelings. No reason to be afraid. It doesn't matter the gender. It's a new experience, so maybe, yeah, it's experimenting. Examine your own feelings carefully, and they will let you know what to do.

I think he’s going to lose his relationship if he does that. She has told me she feels like running away from him. They used to be very close. ???

All you can do is point out to your husband what he is doing and why. Explain to him that he's going to lose the very thing he is trying to protect.

Our daughter is 16 and wants to date. The problem is my husband. If he could he would put a chastity belt on her. I think it’s because he got me pregnant when I was 17. I’ve tried to explain to him that it’s not fair to her to put his issues on her.

All you can do is point out to your husband what he is doing and why. Explain to him that he's going to lose the very thing he is trying to protect.

We are two professional women who have fallen in love with each other. Men in our company keep hitting on both of us. We are not sure what to do.. We don’t want to jeopardize our careers but we also want to be true to ourselves.

Do what anyone in a relationship does. Just say that you are already in a committed relationship. It's nobody's business who that's with.

I thought I had a good relationship but when I used Love Shopping List app my bf scored really low. Now I’m very worried. Is it possible that the numbers aren’t really right? I don’t want to dump him just because he scored low.

The numbers are the numbers, and they are your numbers. You don't have to dump him because of the scores. This may give you an opportunity to openly discuss those needs that aren't being met. If you feel uncomfortable doing it alone, see a professional

Me and my second cousin have fallen in love. Some family say this is really creepy. Does this happen sometimes? And could we mess up kids because we are related?

Second cousins are probably distant enough that it shouldn't make too much difference genetically, but you may have to just accept that you are going to hear it from the rest of the family. Yes, it does happen, but it's fairly rare, less than one percent.

Is there ever hope for an addict? My bf has been in 3 rehabs. I’m really worried this will continue but I love him.

You may love him, but after 3 rehabs are you prepared to have it happen again. It's one thing if you are married and/or have children together. If he relapses again, you need to make a hard choice of his life or yours.

My gf is normally very chill but when she drinks she says stupid shit. How do I know if she’s an alcoholic?

An alcoholic is not just about drinking or saying stupid stuff. How often does it happen? Does she seek out alcohol a lot? Has alcohol caused her any legal, work, or school issues? Can she not drink for periods of time? Is she a binge alcoholic? She may have a problem, but don't put any labels on it without the full picture. Video her and play it back for her when she's sober.

I know I’m about 20 pounds overweight. I’m working on it. My gf keeps watching me like a hawk. It’s like she monitors everything I put in my mouth. I’ve told her to back off, but she does it anyway even when we are out with other people. We literally have no other issues.

You may not have any other issues, but this is bigger than you realize. You are looking into your future for virtually EVERY issue that may come up. You have asked her to back off, but she's not respecting what you've asked. Time to up the assertiveness. You can tell her that you realize she is concerned about you health, but her way of handling it is not helping you.

Our son is getting married to his high school sweetheart. Not sure why, but her parents won’t accept our son, so she has more or less adopted us. We will be paying for the wedding. I’m not sure I want to invite them. She says she doesn’t care one way or the other. Do you have any thoughts?

Invite them. That way it can never be said that you didn't. If they choose not to come, it's on them. Embrace the relationship you will have with your daughter-in-law. She's lucky to have you as in-laws. Her parents are the ones who will be missing out.

My wife and myself roleplay occasionally (her idea). we've switched roles (she's now trying to be dominant and I'm a submissive). My problem is my wife is laughably bad at dominating and she won't accept any criticism. It's been a year and she hasn't gotten better.

Being a good partner means meeting your partner's needs as well as your own. Unless she says something to you, just leave it alone. You did says "occasionally," so there's not reason to make it a big deal ... unless, of course, you'd like to spend evenings on the couch.


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