Dr. Andrew

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Despite all the negative things the chemistry between me and my bf is hot. Am I just fooling myself or what?

Ultimately, love is really about the chemistry between two people. That does NOT mean you don't pay attention to any negative comments or observations. Use them to look at your relationship with more objective eyes.

I agreed to go out with this guy that I met online. Now I'm worried I made the wrong decision. I didn't really check him out but he seemed nice. Do I just go and check him out anyway?

Immediately check him out BEFORE you go out with him. In this day and age it's really important. Be cautious, please.

My bf watches porn. He says it's just for fun but it really bothers me. How do I get him to stop? It's getting in the way of our relationship.

If it bothers you, don't tolerate it. If he doesn't respect that, then you need to think things through more carefully.

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I went out with this guy who admitted he has kissed other guys but nothing else. Am I being too old fashioned to say I don't want to go out with him anymore? I have gay friends so that part doesn't bother me.

You're not being old fashioned. You're just being you. People are different. Some are more tolerant and some are less. If you're not comfortable, then don't do it.

Me and my gf want to move in together. How do we decide who pays for what so it's fair? We make about the same money.

Since you both make about the same, just make a list of all the expenses and take turns putting the item in your column or hers with the end result being your both contributing equal.

I did the Love Shopping List app and this guy came out really high. The problem is I'm just not getting the vibe. Did I do something wrong?

There is nothing you did wrong. The LSL motto is about empowering you to make better relationship choices. It is a guide. Ultimately, there still has to be that undefinable thing called chemistry.

I love everything about my gf except she's a slob. It doesn't make any difference if it's her place or mine. She doesn't clean up. Any suggestions?

Explain to her that you view it as a sign of disrespect. Let her know that if she wants to keep her place a mess, that's up to her, but to please respect your wishes at your place.

My gf tells me I have to make suggestions of what we should do. The problem is that when I make a suggestion she says that's not what she wants to do. This drives me crazy. It's why I don't bother to make suggestions in the first place. How should I handle this?

Tell her exactly what you just said. Let her know that you'll try one more time, but that's it. You can also agree that you'll narrow it to two choices, and she'll pick the final one.

I'm a 58 yo female and my wife is 48. We're very different but we really love each other. I'm more the outdoorsy type; she's the frills type. Is there a good way to blend this?

What I've found effective is to have you alternate who chooses what activity. Then just go along with it. This system usually works unless one of you is uncooperative.

My parents want to invite all their friends to our wedding. My bf's parents are supportive of whatever we want to do but would prefer a small wedding. Is it really ok to do what we want and not worry about our parents? There's no problem with cost. Both sets of parents are well off.

A wedding is "supposed" to be for the bride and groom. Of course, we all know it's about the family, too. Try and find a compromise that everyone can live with.

Every time I go over to my bf's house his mother has some criticism of me. It's never direct but it's there. I've told him about it but he just says that's the way she is. What can I do about it?

You can choose not to go over there and tell him why. You can say either he addresses it with her or you do. You can address it together. It's your call.

My parents are wonderful. They're both males. I was raised in a very loving household. My gf's parents keep telling her to break up with me because of the "values" my parents instilled in me. I'm trying to think of a way to educate them.

Invite them over for dinner!! The best way to break down barriers is to have people talk to each other.

My gf is trans. I have zero trouble with that. She's the most loving person I know. Unfortunately, someone at school outed her. Now we both get crap all day long. What is a good way to put a stop to this?

The best way is to just simply go forward. Definitely call them on their disrespect as you would if your gf were not trans. I would also report the harassment.

Who should pay for what on a date? This is 2019! Shouldn't it all be equal?

Some people are traditionalists, while some are current thinking. It all depends on what two people decide. There are no set rules. That being said, I would go with whomever asks whom.

My gf's parents are cool and all but her mother keeps dropping hints about the size of the diamond she thinks her daughter should get for an engagement ring. I feel like telling her to FO but IDK. Obviously, it's supposed to be a surprise so I can't tell my gf.

The question becomes - is your gf sending messages through her mother. As much as you'd like it to be surprised, you need to discuss it with your gf. If you find she supports her mother, UH OH

My gf used to be an escort. At first I had no problem with that but now I'm rethinking everything. She's awesome and has a great position as an executive. Why am I thinking about it now?

Probably because at the beginning it kind of turned you on. But now that you've thought about it, you're not so sure. She's obviously turned her life in a different direction. Either respect that or move on.

My gf's dad is a celebrity. I know I shouldn't be intimidated but I am. How do I get past that?

Talk to him. You'll probably find he's just like anyone else. That way you'll feel much more comfortable. It's perfectly normal to feel that way about celebs.

What's the best way to get to know somebody? My friends say you just have to go out with them a bunch but I don't know if that gives me enough information.

I wouldn't necessarily say it's the number of times you go out. It's more about total time together and how that time is spent. For instance, you could go to the movies five times, but you really wouldn't get to know that person, but you could spend two Sundays all day at the beach together, and really learn a lot more.

This guy wants me to go away with him for 3 days. We've been out twice and it's gone really well. Is it too soon to go away?

I would first do your due diligence. That is, I would go online and do a deep dive into his background. It will either make you feel really good, or it will save you from a lot of upset.

My gf's parents have invited me to go with on a vacation. I'm 18. My parents say it's wrong. I don't want to disrespect them but ... What do you think?

If you are under their roof, you have to play by their rules even though you may disagree. You didn't say they forbid you to go, so sit down and talk with them.

My life partner and I (we're both males) are getting crap from both our families. How do other gay couples handle the families?

The best advice I can give you is to seek out a local LGBTQ support group. They have been through it all and can give you first-hand information from their experiences.

Me and this girl both come from divorced families. We're both scared to commit. Do we go to counseling or what? We're thinking about moving in together.

I would definitely recommend counseling. It will help get rid of your fears as well as identify any potential problems.

My bf is 19 years older than me. My friends say that's too old. He doesn't act or look his age. How should I know what to do?

It all depends on the two people. As long as the two of you find each other compatible, that's all that counts. Age is just a number.

My bf's daughter treats me like crap. I don't feel it's my place to say anything but he doesn't do anything. Should I say something?

You need to set a boundary and tell him that it's his place to do something but if he won't then you'll be forced to say something. If he won't, that also says something about him you may want to think about.

Do you think it's ok for twins to date twins?

It really depends on the people involved. I've seen it work really well, and I've seen it turn into a disaster. I don't know that there is and real scientific literature, but the successes I've seen were when identical twins dated identical twins. Could be that they all understood each other better.


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