Dr. Andrew

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We are a young couple. Why does everyone think it’s ok to always ask us when we are going to have kids? I always feel like telling them it’s none of their f-ing business.

Some people like to get in everyone else's business. This is certainly pretty much a universal situation. Just smile and tell them you will keep them posted. One young man was at his aunt's house when she asked the same question. He asked her if they could use her bedroom to try. His aunt never asked again.

My gf found out she has breast cancer. She is worried I won’t want to be with her. I told her that’s ridiculous and that I’m here for her but she keeps crying. What do I do?

Her reaction is very normal. Don't argue with her. Just keep loving her. Places that treat cancer have support groups. You could even volunteer to go with her. She needs to hear from others who have gone through and are going through what she is. Many of those groups have professionals who will help guide them. Not being a woman, it is hard to understand the feelings about thoughts of being disfigured, even though that may be remote. Just be supportive.

Our son met this girl in a rehab and now they are serious. We think it’s a huge mistake. We’ve met her and she definitely does not have her stuff together (neither does he). How do we warn him without appearing that we are over controlling?

It's not unusual for people who meet in rehabs to become really close. If they are really working the program, they allow themselves to be vulnerable and share things others, even family, would not know. This draws people together. They are going to have to find out if there is more to their relationship than the fact they are addicts. You be honest and explain this to them without judging their relationship. Too many people find out too later that they have nothing else in common. Not good.

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My bf is in a band and they are out on the road a lot. I keep thinking about all the stories about musicians on the road. It keeps me up at night thinking about maybe he’s cheating on me and then I have a pissy attitude when he gets home. How do others handle this?

I would assume you knew what you were getting into when you signed up. Awhile ago there was a tv show about wives of rock stars. They just accepted those possibilities, not that they were happy with it, but it came with the territory. A lot will depend on the relationship between the two of you. You may want to get some pro help, but in the end if it's still getting to you, you may have to end the relationship.

I met this girl online and we hit it off when we got together. It almost seems too perfect and that makes me scared. I’ve heard horror stories. At what point can I trust that everything will be ok?

The best advice is to just take it slowly. You want to make sure that the relationship you have developed online is the real deal. It's not that much different than any relationship at the beginning. It will take time to know if it's right. After you get to know each other, you will have more information, and that will help you make a decision.

My parents got divorced. I’m really worried about that. Is there anything I can do so that I won’t wind up like them? I know I’m at higher risk of divorce but I’d like to do everything possible to avoid it.

You are probably carrying around a lot of "baggage" from being traumatized by your parents' divorce. The best advice I can give you is to get some short term therapy. It will help you clearly identify your deeper feelings, and will also help you very clearly identify what you can and should do as well as how to avoid the traps
Liked by: Fran

Me and my bf get along really well. There’s just a bunch of little stuff that he does than annoys me. Like he leaves his shit all over our apartment. It drives me nuts and I explode once in a while. How do I train him?

I've talked about "I" statements before. When you ..., it makes me feel... I need you to... This helps eliminate the emotional part of the discussion. Let's practice: When you leave your things all over our apartment, it make me feel angry and disrespected because I put in a lot of time and effort for us to have a nice, clean place. I need you to put your things away and help me. See, that wasn't so hard, and it's straight and to the point.

My gf is too sensitive. Anytime I disagree with her I’m being “disrespectful.” I remain calm most of the time but I’m looking for a way to get her to understand her end of it. Thanks.

This sounds exactly like one of my recent couples who came to me for therapy. It's about listening to each other and compromise. You are not going to be able to do this on your own, so I suggest getting professional help. It will be brief. It will either work quickly, or it won't work at all. At least you will know and not waste time.

My family has a lot of money. I’m worried that any girl I go out with will do it just for the money. Any ways to avoid this?

Pick wisely, my friend. Make sure you do your homework. Make sure you select someone with the traits and characteristics you really want. If you haven't already, download our app, Love Shopping List, from iTunes and use it. It will help you. And if you are that worried, do background checks. You can always hire a private investigator to check things out if you are that worried. Yes, there are plenty of money hungry people out there, so you need to protect yourself, but don't become paranoid.

My gf is perfect in every way except she doesn’t have a college education. I’ve told her I would support her totally so she could go back to school but she just likes being secretary. I know she’s super smart (even more than me). How can I convince her?

If she's perfect in every way AND she's happy with what she does for now, why are you pushing her? It sounds like YOU need her to go to college. I'm guessing you are embarrassed about her. College is not for everyone. If she's that smart, let her find her way. So stop trying to convince her and appreciate her for who she is.

What’s the normal number of times a week that a couple has sex?

There is no "normal." For some younger couples 4-5 times a week is a comfortable number. For others 2-3. Research has shown that when sexual relations take place in an intimate relationship really good things happen to us. There is a release of oxytocin, the "love" hormone. It even enhances our immune systems ( what a great line for guys, but it's true). Normal is what feels right for BOTH partners.

My gf has trouble with me an my friends being so into sports. She’s not a jock. The only thing she gives me grief about is watching sports with my buds. Is this a male female thing?

Let's just say their are more fanatical males when it comes to sports, but it is certainly not one sided. There's a great book entitled Sports Fan 101. A friend wrote it because he is a sports nut and it bugs his mother so much that she gives him grief. He figured he was not the only one. He wrote it to give an understanding of why many sports fans are FANatical

I can’t believe the things I’m saying to my husband sound just like my mother to my father. Yikes! Please help.

We all grow up in households hearing things. As youngsters we are like tape recorders. Remember that "family" and "familiar" have the same root word. When we get emotional, we will do in an "family" situation what is most familiar to us. Just be mindful of what you are saying, and it will gradually go away if you want it to. But then are you like your mother, and did you marry your father? :-)

I was happier not being in a relationship. Is this a bad sign that we are not compatible or is it just something that takes getting use to?

Many people put up defense mechanisms after being in a relationship that ended. You need to give your self some time, and then figure out what you really want in a relationship.

My husband always forgets my birthday. Are there ways to get him to remember? I never forget his.

There are lots of possible explanations, but none are an excuse. Tell him, without anger, how it makes you feel. Suggest he input it to his smart phone. Put it on the family calendar, etc. Some people who have problems with executive functioning, particularly the attentional aspect, can never get their act together on their own. Be helpful, not hurtful.

I'm dating this guy and I I think he has commitment problems. Is there a way to win him over or is it just that he is not ready at this time in his life?

If he has commitment problems, there may be other more deep-seated problems. Give him some time. He may need to work through other issues first. He may have seen his parents go through a nasty divorce, his father could have been a womanizer and acted as a role model, or ... he just may not be ready. Be patient.

Is there ever a right time to get married? I've heard different things.

There is no magic number. If you have doubts, talk to a professional. It's easy to say that "they will know." But that's not always true because love often blinds people, and they can't make good decisions. Sometimes they make bad ones.

I love to party. I'm only 19 so I figured I should get it out of my system now. People judge me. Why?

First, it depends on one's definition of "party." If you are talking about lots of sex, drugs, and alcohol, that's not something I recommend at any age. People will judge others by their morals and values. Males and females both should be reasonable about their experiences.

My bf said that people are not meant to only have one relationship. What's he talking about when he says it's science?

There was a recent study that said humans are not neurologically programmed to be with one person. That being said, it sounds like your bf just wants to have a harem around him to play with. My advice -- tell him to take a hike.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

This lady told me she wants to be in it for the long haul. She knows I'm a truck driver so I don't know if she's joking or what. I don't want to look stupid. What do I say?

sounds like she's got a good sense of humor and is sharp. Be playful. You don't have to say anything. "Better to keep quiet and have something think you are stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

How do I get through. I want to go out with this girl in my history class but she's not getting the hint.

You don't say what you have tried, so it's difficult to answer. Be a friend first. See if you can find out what her interests are, and then talk about them with her. She needs to "meet" you first. If she doesn't get past that, you won't either.

When I first meet a guy should I ask a lot of questions or just see how he is and acts with me?

This is advice to all ladies. STOP WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS! Give it some time. Women are in to content and details, but there is a time for that. It makes most men uneasy when there are constant questions especially at the beginning.

Me and my ex are thinking about trying it again. People say I'm a fool. Do you think it could ever work?

You are not a fool. Obviously, there must be something there since both of you want to try it again. This time be smart. Get some professional help to see if you can get by the obstacles. You know each other really well, so you need someone else to be objective.

Me and this guy are getting serious. I just found out he's married but he says he's getting a divorce. Am I being played?

Well, I certainly can't say for sure. BUT, "I'm leaving my wife" is one of the oldest lines in the book. If you are interested, let him know that you would be happy to see him AFTER he gets the divorce. You will find out very quickly if was serious or just trolling.

I have a Classmate who's cute enough to catch my attention. yeah! he is my crush but the problem is I'm a girl and I don't even know how to start talking to him and I can't ask him out because it maybe weird if I do. what should I do, Dr. Andrew?

Just be friendly. Do a little research and find out what his interests are. Then you can start a conversation. Also, this is 2016. It's perfectly fine to ask him out but AFTER you establish a relationship.


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