Dr. Andrew

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My gf really likes to cook. The problem is I really like to eat and I’m about 50 lbs overweight. I don’t want to hurt her feelings by not eating it. If I take a little she takes it as I don’t like it. What do I say? I don’t want her to think I’m not appreciative.

You have to explain exactly what you just explained in your question. You love her cooking, but you are trying to be healthy and limit your intake. That way you can still enjoy and be appreciative but she won’t feel there’s something wrong. Ultimately, it's your body, and you have to be an advocate for your own health.

My mom keeps trying to set me up with dates. I’m just not that interested right now. She thinks there is something wrong with me. She tells me its not natural not to want to date. I’ve told her I’ll date when I’m ready. I’m a healthy 24 yo female. I just want to get my career on track first. ??

Stay strong. This is your mother’s issue, not yours. Don’t get sucked in. Just keep staying on course for what you want. Somehow she's trying to use you a a trophy child. That's not your job.

Me an my bf’s father got into a real nasty argument about politics. My bf says I provoked him. I didn’t. The guy is a jerk and a bigot. Nobody else was making any sense. Now it’s created a problem in our relationship. Was I wrong to challenge him? I’m so confused.

Here’s the problem. If your bf is blaming you, then you have a view into what is going on in his mind. He is either a coward and won’t stand up for what is right, or he is a closet bigot himself. Either way “Bad things happen when good people do nothing.” You were absolutely not wrong. Be respectful and intelligent, don't stoop to their level.

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I like this guy but I’m not sure I love him. We have fun together. He wants to take it to the next step. I haven’t said no but I haven’t said yes. How can I be sure. I have been hurt before so I don’t want to make the same mistake.

Our app, Love Shopping List, was designed to do exactly that, to help you make better choices in your relationship. You need to establish what you want and then match him to that. No guarantees but it will help you not to get hurt again.

I’m going crazy with my gf away at college. I can’t stop thinking about maybe she’s with somebody else. It’s almost to the point that I want to drive the hour and a half to sneak around and see what she’s up to. Should I just break up with her?

Clearly you are insecure about the relationship. Long distance relationships are hard. A very small percentage of couples can make them work. It’s really being unfair to both of you because neither of you can fully enjoy the social scene without feeling guilty. Time to hit the pause button on the relationship. You are both too young to be tied down.

If somebody always has to have a few drinks or do a little weed to have sex does that make them an addict?

It doesn’t make them an addict, but it does mean they have some psychological/emotional issues to work on. When people are anxious, they have trouble with what is called performance anxiety. For guys they may not be able to achieve or maintain an erection. The alcohol or weed may take the edge off, but it’s not a healthy way to deal with the underlying problem.

Should you always tell your partner everything?

Not always. Some things are best left unsaid. I'm not saying to be dishonest. But you may have certain thoughts that are best kept to yourself.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

We usually go out with 3 other couples. One of the other couples always conveniently forgets wallets & purses. It’s gets to the point we really want to say something. The other couples don’t seems annoyed. What do we do?

Talk to the other couples to discuss this. See what they have to say and what suggestions they may have. If this other couple is nice, the group may want to gently approach them together. It could be that they really want to be with all of you but don't have the money, in which case they may be embarrassed. It could also be that they are inconsiderate. Only open, honest communication will tell.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

My husband has this annoying habit of leaving his crap all over. He’ll always go pick it up if I ask him but it’s like he doesn’t even see it. I’m worried that when we have kids he’ll do the same thing and set a bad example. Do you have any ideas for training him?

I realize this is very frustrating. There may be several explanations (not excuses). He may have been raised where tidiness is not a virtue. He may have ADD. It just may not be important to him. You need to sit him down and tell him that when he leaves his stuff all over, it makes you feel like he doesn't respect you or the time you take to provide the both of you with a nice, clean place.

I’ve been living with my bf for 8 mos. We share everything. I’m just wondering when he is going to pop the question. I’ve hinted but either he doesn’t get the hint or he’s ignoring it. Is it ok to ask him directly or what?

8 months is not a long time. I wouldn't push at this point. Your relationship is still young. Often times putting the "M" question in front of someone before they are ready makes them run fast in the opposite direction. Besides, what's your hurry?

My parents are both females. My gf doesn’t have any trouble with this but her parents do. It’s like I don’t even exist to them when I go over to her house. I’m not sure how to handle this. I’m not mad. I’m just very disappointed in their behavior.

If you can tolerate it, I suggest continuing to go over there so they get to know you. Some people have preconceived ideas about who you are and what you are about because of your parents. The more you continue to act in a casual, respectful manner, the sooner they will come around.

I just found out my husband was sending provocative texts to 2 women after we got engaged. They weren’t sexts but they were suggestive. He says he doesn’t know why and that he never had any intention of doing anything. I feel like I won’t ever trust him again. Is it possible to rebuild trust?

It's always possible to rebuild trust, but it most often takes a lot of work and compromise. You and your husband should get professional counseling as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the more the trust will be damaged. Often this type of behavior is a sign of something much deeper.

Me and my gf have been having a long distance relationship for a year. It seems to be working for us but both sets of friends tell us it can never last. We see each other about once every 4-6 weeks and we are ok with that. Are we doomed?

No, you are not doomed. Long distance relationships can work if that's what both parties are comfortable with. Your friends are giving you advice based on what they would want, not what' right for you. Only the two of you know what's best for you. If things get difficult, you may have to make other choices, but for right now -- ENJOY!

We are married for 3 years. We just found out we can’t have kids so we are thinking about adopting. I told my parents about this and they are ok but his parents are being jerks and say they won’t consider the kid their grandchild.

He is angry that they are not supporting your decision. I’m guessing the issues between his parents and him didn’t just start with this. The two of you could definitely benefit from some professional guidance to help you through this. Even though he’s angry, his parents may come around once the child is there, otherwise they would be missing out.

Me and my gf have a big problem. She is pregnant. We haven’t decided what to do yet but her parents are putting pressure on her because they are against abortions. It is really upsetting both of us. We haven’t made a decision yet and want them to leave us alone. What do we say?

Ultimately, the decision is up to the two of you and more on her. All you can do is continue to be supportive and discuss things. Her parents aren’t helping her by pressuring her, but that’ her relationship with them. The two of you are going to have to thing both short term and long term and then make a decision. It’s always best if you can make this type of decision together.

I heard that e or coke makes sex better. Is that true?

Both are stimulant medications. They can heighten sensitivity, but there is also the downside. All systems ramp up during sex anyway, so the drugs could put someone at great risk for a cardiac event. If someone is not enjoying fulfillment is sexual relations, it’s time to get the person and her/his partner better educated to the human sexual response. THAT makes sex better, for sure.

I don’t know how to help my bf. He just found out his father has been cheating on his mother. He is more than devastated. How can I help him?

He is angry that they are not supporting your decision. I’m guessing the issues between his parents and him didn’t just start with this. The two of you could definitely benefit from some professional guidance to help you through this. Even though he’s angry, his parents may come around once the child is there, otherwise they would be missing out.

We are really hurt. He wants to tell them to drop dead but I’m trying to convince him to handle it better. Any suggestions?

He is angry that they are not supporting your decision. I’m guessing the issues between his parents and him didn’t just start with this. The two of you could definitely benefit from some professional guidance to help you through this. Even though he’s angry, his parents may come around once the child is there, otherwise they would be missing out.

My husband is a lawyer. He says all new lawyers in firms put in like 100 hours/week as rookies. There is no “us” time and it’s really starting to bother me. I am trying to be understanding and supportive but I find myself just sitting alone in the evening sipping on wine. Help!

Unfortunately, he is right. Usually the rookies in almost all professions get the extra work. Keep in mind he is trying to position himself to advance so that the both of you can benefit. The best thing to do is to talk with him so that the two of you can take advantage of even a little time. One husband who worked fairly close to his wife’s work (she was a lawyer) used to just go over for 30 minutes for a lunch break. Try to work in the little bits of time.

The other day my ff’s father made a racial comment. I didn’t say anything. I have friends of all different races and this upset me. She says he’s just a bigot and not to pay any attention. I’m not sure what to do.

She doesn’t know how to handle it either. I’m sure she is embarrassed by his behavior, and this is probably not the first time. If you want to hold your position, you could certainly say something like, “I don’t have that kind of prejudice or hatred. I don’t share your views.” Just know you may be setting off a big explosion. Sometimes you just have to blow things up because it’s the right thing to do.

I’m trying to decide between two guys I like but I’m having trouble. Half my friends tell me one and the other half says the other. I’ve had some bad relationships and I’m scared to mess up again. What do other people do?

May I suggest our app, Love Shopping List. We designed it to do EXACTLY what you are asking. It will definitely help you decide. It’s free in the Apple Store.

There’s a tranie in my history class. She’s pretty open about it. I think she’s a nice person but most of my friends are creeped out and are on me about talking to her. They say if I’m going to be friends with her they can’t be friends with me. Now what?

You are going to have to make a decision for yourself. Your friends are ignorant and prejudiced. You don’t have to be, but it could cost you your social circle. It’s a decision you will have to make for yourself.

I’m a college male freshman. I want to be respectful when I’m out on a date. I’m not sure how to go about getting positive consent for do anything including a kiss. Do I just wait or what?

If you are old enough to date, you have to be mature enough to communicate. As difficult as it is, you need to talk. Always be respectful

Me and my bf have a great relationship. We do everything together. Both of our sets of friends tell us we are too close and that won’t last. We are both 19 so maybe we haven’t thought of everything, but we are happy. But we are worried about what our friends say. What do you think?

Don't worry about what your friends say. You are young, and nothing is permanent. Enjoy life!!

My mom and dad got divorced when I was 7. It really messed with my head. I am worried that it programmed something in me and that the same thing will happen. I already know children of divorce are more likely to follow. How do I stop this?

Yes, the incidence of divorce in greater in kids who came from divorced homes. But that doesn't mean you have to be part of that statistic. Remember, it's only a statistic. My recommendation would be to do some short term therapy. I promise you it will help.


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