Dr. Andrew

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My aunt and uncle have been like parents to me. My father died when I was young and my mother is really not one. I’m going to get married. I want my aunt and uncle to walk me down the aisle. Am I wrong to exclude my mother?

It's your wedding, and you can do whatever you want. You may want to consider having her participate. Don't eliminate something that you may later regret. When possible, it's always better to try to mend fences.

I love my dad but he is dating someone almost as young as me. I’m not sure why this creeps me out but it does. She’s really nice and all but she’s 25 yrs younger than him. Any advice on getting past this? I want to see him happy and all, but it’s just weird.

Yes, it's weird. But he's an adult, and so are you. There is no real age limit on consenting adults. Since you say she is nice, just remain friendly. If your dad is happy, leave it at that.

My brother is a druggie. His gf doesn’t know this. As a female I don’t want to see her get hurt. I don’t know whether to tell her or not. He is my bro, but he has also messed up some other girls he’s dated.

You have a dilemma. There is a saying: Bad things happen when good people do nothing. Yes, he's your brother, but since you already know he has messed up other females, you need to be protective of her as another person.

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I am in a relationship with another man. We are both successful professionals. Our problem is that we are in a small rather conservative town. We have not exactly come out because we are worried about the impact on our practices. Do you have any suggestions?

This is a tough issue, to have to choose between being true to yourself versus your career. Talk it over with your closest confidants. The final decision will be in your hands. You have to ask yourself if "hiding" for a very long time is something you can do. Ultimately, do what is in your hearts.

I made a big mistake. I got really drunk at a party last weekend and hooked up with my closest friend’s bf. I don’t remember much but I do remember that. Now what do I do?

The right thing to do is to own up to your actions. It might cost you your friendship, but having her find out through someone else would be worse. Bad judgements have bad consequences associated with them. You might want to rethink your drinking habits before something much worse happens.

Whenever my older sister and her husband come into town, they stay with me and my gf. My sis seems to think it’s ok to tell us how to manage our relationship. I’ve all but told her it’s none of her business, but nothing seems to work. Is there something you think I should say?

Sounds like it's time for an ultimatum. You need to actually tell her that you have tried to get her to listen to you, so you are left with no other choice. My guess is that she is repeating the dynamic that occurred when the two of you were growing up. She does not look at you as a grown up.
Liked by: Benafrin

I’m educated (I’m a teacher). I just don’t understand. He says I’m making too much of this, that other married couples go through the same thing when they are busy. Is he right?

see previous answer
Liked by: Benafrin

I’m in a loveless marriage. Me and my husband have been married for 5 years. We just don’t have sex. Its not for me not wanting it or telling him but he always tells me he’s too tired. I’m not overweight. I work out so I’m in good shape. I’m not a 10 but probably a 6-7. Continued...

From the sound of it, it is not you. Your husband may be suffering (yes, suffering) from any of a variety of conditions that has affected his libido. The best thing you can do for him and for you is to have him see a doctor, specifically an endocrinologist, to do a thorough physical.
Liked by: Benafrin

Me and my bestie double dated last week. My bf drove. Her and her bf actually had sex in our back seat and were laughing about it. OMG I told her she was classless. She just laughed and told me I was jealous. What would account for her doing something like that?

You said it best. She is classless, plain and simple. She has a VERY different view from you of what is and what is not appropriate. She also doesn't realize that the guy she's with has no respect for her. When a guy respects a girl, he elevates her. What he did was cheapen her.
Liked by: Benafrin

Me and my bf are in the 11th grade. He’s really a good guy. He writes me poetry. His buds started razzing him about this so he stopped. It’s really upset me. He told me he’s too embarrassed to continue. How can I get him past this?

Your age (and, yes, I was there once too) has a lot of peer pressure associated with it. It's really hard to hold up when your buds are giving you a really hard time. In the meantime, just let your bf know how much you appreciate all he does and that you will keep it private.
Liked by: Benafrin

I’ve been communicating with this girl from overseas. She says she’s coming to the U.S. For some reason this freaks me out now and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell her not to come but I don’t want to wind up in a serious relationship. What should I say?

She was fine as long as it was your fantasy. You fear reality because you are unsure of yourself. If you didn't want a serious relationship, you shouldn't have played the game.
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My mom found some sexy texts between me and my bf. I am furious that she looked at my phone. She grounded me. I told her there is no way she can stop me and if she tries to pull a power trip I’ll just leave. I think she violated my privacy. Is there something I can do about this?

My guess is that the sexting is just the tip of the iceberg. This goes much deeper. You and your mother have a fractured relationship that goes back a very long time. I'm also guessing your mom (or parents) pay for your phone, and you are minor. That means you don't have anything to stand on. I advise all parents to know what's going on with their children. Trust works both ways.
Liked by: Benafrin

My gf just discovered her father isn’t her real father and that her mother had an affair while she was married.. Now my gf wants to break up with me. She says she can’t handle everything all together. I really love her. How do I help her? I know she’s very confused.

Your gf has been traumatized. She is emotionally in shock. There is nothing you can do other than continue to be there for her, even if it's at an arms distance for now. You are just going to have to let her have the space to figure this out. She will need help, but it can't come from you.

My aunt blew up at me. We got married and I’ve been sending out e-thank you’s. They are really nice. My aunt says that its tasteless. She says I’m a spoiled brat for not sending really thank you notes. I thought in 2016 my way was ok. I still love her but I’m pretty upset.

There is nothing wrong with a beautiful e-thank you. Ok, your aunt is behind the times, but let's look at this. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? Be humble, send her a beautiful hard copy thank you and leave it at that. Be the bigger person.
Liked by: Benafrin

Whenever we go to parties my bf gets really drunk and hangs all over me. I’ve talked to him about it but just laughs it off. He says parties are for having fun and I’m a “party pooper.” I told him it makes me feel cheap. Is he an alcoholic?

Clearly, your bf does not respect you or your wishes. You have tried explaining it nicely. There's only one thing left to do. DUMP HIM!! and do it quickly. You are wasting your time, and you don't deserve to be treated that way.

I'm going out with a girl I really like, we've been on a few dates, but on the last one she casually mentioned she's married, but it's an open relationship. I think we're at the point where we are going to be intimate, but it feels wrong 2 be w/ a married person even if it's an open relationship

It sounds like the two of you have different ideas of what a marriage should be. Remember that if she is willing to be in an "open" relationship with her husband, she will have the same idea with you. Is that going to be ok with you?

I’m a 37 yo female. I’m single. Why do people think it’s ok to tell me my bio clock is running out? I feel like screaming. If feel like telling them it’s none of the f-ing business.

First, it's NOT their business, but many people have opinions. As the saying goes, opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one. When you are ready, you will make your own decision. Sometimes people don't think before they speak. Giving advice to a woman about when to get married and have children is definitely one of those times. Just smile and tell them you appreciate their concern. Leave it at that.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

I’m dating my best friend’s ex. I asked him before I did it & he said no problem. Now he says he’s rethought it & he’s pissed. We’ve been going out for two months and it’s working out well. I don’t like having to choose between my friend & my gf, but he’s putting me in the situation. What to do?

Your were a good friend to ask for permission first. Many would not have done that. Your friend doesn't get to change his mind just because your relationship is working out with her while his blew up. That't called jealousy. Not cool. All you can do is remind him that you asked, and he said ok. Past that, he's going to have to learn to live with it.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

There’s this guy at work I really like. There are no rules about dating other employees. He seems open to going out but we r both worried about how it will look to others. We are not in the same department so we don’t think there will be a problem. Are we ok?

Since your company does not have any restrictions on dating other employees, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm not sure why or what you think others might think. My guess is that they would probably think it's great. Relax. You'll live longer.

I really like this girl and I think she really likes me. Here’s the problem. She is a super athlete and I’m a klutz. I feel embarrassed. It doesn’t seem to bother her but it bothers me. What do I do? I’m in ok shape but I can’t run and chew gum at the same time.

Since she seems interested in you, just go with it. Not everyone has to be a super athlete. Just be a really good cheerleader. My guess is that you are embarrassed because traditionally males are supposed to be the athletic one, and females are supposed to be ... whatever. That's bullshit. Just go enjoy yourself.

My gf’s father has been diagnosed with dementia. I’m trying to be supportive but he gets really nasty really fast when I’m around. The family says not to take it personally because it’s not really him but that’s really hard. How do other people handle this?

One of the most unfortunate parts of dementia is that it often makes the individual's personality almost unrecognizable. It's part of the disease. Imagine what the family is going through, seeing their relative disintegrate right in front of them AND be mean in the process. You may want to get some short-term therapy to help you cope with this. You will at least have a better understanding, and maybe that will help.

Me and my partner are both alpha females. We’ve been together for 4 years but we still always get into it. Are there any secrets to getting along when there are two dominant personalities in a relationship? We both want to work on it.

Despite both of you being females, your relationship is not different than any other. The two of you are going to have to make a list of your differences and then work on finding the common ground. When two strong personalities come together, there is a synergistic energy that happens. But as you know, energy can be constructive or destructive. It all depends on how it's used.

My bf lives in France and I live in Florida. My friends tell me it can’t work because of the distance. We see each other only about once every two months, but when we do, the sparks fly. Am I being foolish to think this could work?

You are not being foolish, but it does make things more difficult and complicated. Some people don't want to be around another person all the time, while others really want to be around a partner almost all the time. It really depends on what the two of you are comfortable with and probably what stage the relationship is in.

Me and my husband used to do a lot of drugs together before we got married. As soon as we got married I thought it was time to grow up and stopped using. He didn’t and it’s causing big fights. I want him to stop before we start having kids. How can I get him to understand? I will not compromise.

You absolutely should NOT compromise on this issue. You really need to hold the line. If he wants children, or even to stay married to you for that matter, he is going to have to come over to your way of thinking. Having a drug abuser around kids is not a good idea. I would recommend seeing a professional for help with this. Better it get addressed before children than after.

My bf is like model quality hot. Other females almost drool over him but he don’t pay them no attention. It drives me nuts. He says I’m being silly. How can I get over this?

You sound very insecure in your relationship. I'm guessing you have a lot of self doubt about yourself. He is with you because he obviously wants to be. That means he places more importance on you -- more probably than you do on yourself. You need to change your view. You should think about the attention he gets as a compliment to you.


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