Dr. Andrew

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I am a 20 yo gay man. I keep getting hit on by women. I try to be polite without being overly harsh but it doesn’t seem to get the message across. What do others in my situation do

It's really no different than turning down any advances, gay or straight. Just don't take the bait and continue the conversation. Think about if you were being hit on by a guy you were not interested in. How would you handle that? People are people.

Me and my bf live together. We split everything in the apartment 50-50. We were over his parents’ house and his mother started giving me a hard time that I am taking advantage of her son. I told my bf. He said just to ignore her but I can’t.

You need to tell your bf that either he talks to her, or you won't be going over there again. Don't scream at her. It will just give her more ammunition to attack you.

Is it true there are drugs that can make sex better? I just thought it was a rumor.

I'll assume you are talking about recreational drugs or at least drugs that are being used for recreational purposes. Stimulant medications tend to heighten the senses. Keep in mind there are side effects and many are dangerous. That being said, the best sex is when partners are pleasing each other. Too many times people try to cover up sexual inexperience with drugs. It is just that -- a cover up. Good sex doesn't need any help.

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How do you know if the person you are dating is an alcoholic? Every time I take this girl out she has about 10 drinks through the night. She doesn’t seem impaired but that’s a lot of alcohol. I’m very sensitive since my best friend’s mother was an alcoholic.

If she's having that much every time, she is classified as a binge drinker. She may not drink other times, and people often mistake that as not having a problem. Being an alcoholic encompasses more than just the consumption of alcohol. There are behaviors that go along with it. I would do some "homework" and learn all about it. You may very well have to drop this relationship.

I am really worried that I screwed up my relationship with my bf. I was pmsing and went off on him and said some pretty bad stuff. He won’t answer any of my texts. I really love him and want him back but I don’t want to seem like I’m crawling. How do I apologize so he’ll start back with me?

you may very well have. He is obviously very upset. Too many times females use OTR as an excuse to lash out. If (and that's a big if) he answers you, you need to apologize and let him know you will be working very hard not to EVER say anything like that to him again. You may also want to talk to you OB/GYN. If you are truly raging, there are medications you can take to help you.

I dated a girl that said no selfies with her on the first date!? WTF? Is this a new girl code?

It's not just a girl code. Not really good dating etiquette to take selfies on the first date. She is being cautious and that's the right thing to do since neither of you know how it's going to work out. Plus, it may be that she's had a bad experience with selfies. Just be patient.

My gf is perfect in every way except she’s bossy. I have tried talking to her about it but she just blows me off. She even does it in front of people. On the other side, she is unbelievably thoughtful of all others including me. I’m very confused. What do I do?

You need to talk with her again and explain that it REALLY bothers you. If she's bossy now, it will only get worse unless you put a stop to it. Praise her a lot for being thoughtful.

I am REALLY attracted to my friends gf. I can’t get her out of my mind. She is like the perfect person. I haven’t acted on anything but it drives me nuts. He told me they are having some trouble. Would it be wrong of me to jump in if they break up? I know there’s a guy code against it, but...

There was even a Rick Springfield song called Jessie's Girl about this. If you are thinking about what would happen if they broke up, keep it to yourself and stay away for awhile. once they've broken up, it's all fair game.

I am devastated. My bf took pics of us making love. I thought it was just for us. Now I found out he showed them to his friends. I can’t believe he would do that without asking me. Should this be a make it or break it deal?

I can't tell you how many times I warn people about posting things on social media, especially personal pics. Your bf has demonstrated extremely poor judgement. I say it's time to move on.

My partner has a high level position in this company. She refuses to let anybody know that we have been lesbian couple for 5 years. She says it will jeopardize her career. I am getting tired of not being invited to events. I don’t want her to lose her job, but I do want her to be true to herself. ??

Please don't put your partner in a position that she has to choose between you and her job. Clearly, she is not comfortable letting everyone else know. Coming out is a personal decision, and the timing for her may not be right. She IS being true to herself. It just happens to have slightly different results right now than you want.

My son and his wife are slobs. That’s a fact. When we go to visit, they insist on having us stay at the house. We would prefer a hotel but don’t want to upset them. Our grandkids want us at the house, too. How do other grandparents handle this? When I try to tidy things up, my son gets mad.

Ultimately, it's up to you. If they have adequate room and are not too big a slobs, then try overlooking the mess and focus on what you gain from all being together. Otherwise you can say that you've been having some odd sleep issues and did not want to disturb anyone. Just be there as early as you can so you can spend as much time with them as you can.

Me and this girl are like 3rd cousins. Our families are not real close. Here’s the problem. We really like each other. I’ve told some friends and they are totally creeped out. I thought if it’s a distant cousin it was okay. Am I wrong?

If you are talking about okay genetically, then, yes, 3rd cousins and out are ok. If you are talking about socially, then it sounds like your social group has a problem with it. Ultimately, it's up to the two of you. In reality we are all cousins!!

I am marrying out of my religion. My parents are very upset to the point they are considering not coming to the ceremony. It would hurt me a lot. What can I say to them? It won’t stop me but I’d sure like them there.

It's truly a shame that religion is actually dividing you. Sometimes people are so devout they are blinded by their beliefs. All you can do is to tell them that you love them, that it would mean a lot to you for them to attend, but that you know you will have to accept their decision, and you hope that they can accept yours. In these very trying times, we need to add to each other, not divide each other.

I mostly live with my parents (I’m 19). I stay over at my bf’s 1 or 2 nights a week. I have some stuff over there. Do I need to pay some “rent” to him since it’s my place a portion of the time? I’ve even given it a female touch.

At the very least it should be offered. He may say no thank you, but the offer is certainly the respectful thing to do. BTW, since you are only there 2 nights a week, don't give it too much of a "female touch." He may see that as overstepping you bounds.

How can I tell if a shy guy likes me?

If he's shy, just try talking with him about some subject you are both involved with. That way he won't feel pressured. You will know soon, but it may take longer than you'd like since he may be too shy to express himself. Just give it some time.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

How do I know if I'm in a good relationship?

You have to know what you are looking for. We have spent years developing Love Shopping List, the app, and followed it up with the first of several books by the same name. Without really knowing what you really want you will be lost. Take the time to do it right.
Liked by: Primrose Gumbi

What are the laws about harassing somebody in social media? This guy broke up with me and now he is just plain mean about what he says about me. It’s really hurtful.

Right now unless he is threatening or truly harassing you, there is little that can be done. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true.

I am an athlete. Why do girls think that all athletes are stupid. I have a 3.95 GPA. I’ve tried asking some girls out but they just look at me like I’m some kind of neanderthal.

I can certainly relate. As a collegiate football player people were amazed that I wrote an article in the school newspaper. Unfortunately, there are some jocks who give the rest of us a bad name. BTW, after that article one of my coaches said, “Hey Yellen, I didn’t realize you could write that well,” and laughed. I replied, “Gee thanks, Coach, I didn’t realize you could read that well!” Just keep on your path.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

I have two really close friends who are gay. Other kids at school are always making fun of them. Whenever I try to stick up for them, I get called all kinds of names. Some of my friends support me. Should I go to a counselor?

If they are being harassed, then, yes, you should go to a counselor. Bad things happen when good people do nothing. Kudos to you for doing the right thing and being such a good friend.

Whenever we go over this other couple’s place we always bring a gift. They come here and never do. My husband says to just ignore it but I can’t. I think it’s disrespectful. It doesn’t have to be anything big or expensive but something would be nice. How do I train them to do the right thing?

Yes, it is disrespectful. However, I don’t know that you can or should “train” another couple. You can simply not bring anything to them, or you can look at what is good about them and makes you want to continue your friendship, and just accept that it’s not something they do. It’s a decision for you and your husband to make together.

Exactly how supportive am I supposed to be when my bf has now relapsed three times? I always hear how it’s part of the process but I’m getting really tired and think that’s just an excuse to go use again. My mother and father got divorced because of his drug use so this is a really big deal for me

The trust has been breached. As a specialist in substance abuse, yes, relapse is part of recovery. That being said, because of your own issues with your family, this is a toxic situation for you. The best recommendation I can give you is to get yourself out of the relationship. You can also tell him that if/when he is in a healthier state, you might reconsider the relationship.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

I feel like a fool. I was going out with this girl who has a very identical twin. Nobody can tell them apart. I got a little too “friendly” with the wrong twin and now they are both pissed at me. It was nothing really bad. I really liked the once I went out with. What do I do?

Not a whole lot you can or should do. This is on them for playing you. Personally, I would drop both of them. They clearly have no respect for others and are just interested in seeing what they can get away with. They created the mess. It’s not your job to straighten it out!
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

How do I know if this girl likes me? She's really nice to me and always wants to be my partner when it's coed revising. She's pretty popular so idk if she does or is just nice

Same as another answer tonight. Just be a friend first & you will know soon enough

I know that love at my age (18) is not the same as love like somebody who has been married for many years but why can’t older people understand that it’s still love? They were young once too but sometimes it seems like they forgot.

Yes, my generation sometimes forgets that they were young once, too. Love is not a static feeling. There are stages of love at ever turn of life. Hopefully, love matures over time and gets better with age, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist at your age. The best way to handle any comment is to say that you hope as time goes on your love will grow.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

There is a girl in my English class that I like. I had recently broken up with my girlfriend so I'm a bit rusty with Flirting or anything. She is really nice and likes to be partners with me during reflections on essays. How do I know if she is in to me or how do I ask her out?

Just keep being friendly. Be a gentleman . She will let you know.


Language: English