Dr. Andrew

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I am about to get married but I now think I’m making a huge mistake. How would I know and what should I do about it?

One of the reasons we created Love Shopping List, the app, and wrote a book by the same name is to help people exactly in your situation. The first order of business is to determine if you really have made a mistake or if you just have the typical jitters about getting married. Once you've done the work on the app, you then have some hard decisions to make. Better not to make the mistake than to be saddled with the burden for years to come.

How do I let my gf know that she is spreading out quickly without hurting her feelings? She has put on about 25 pounds in 2 months.

This is a very delicate area. It's like when a gf asks her bf, "Do these jeans make my butt look big?" Every guy will tell you, it's a no win situation, there is no right answer. There most likely is something going on with her, and it can be either emotional or physical. The first order of business would be to have her have a complete physical. Always rule out the physical part. Be supportive. I'm sure she realizes what has happened. She may feel shame already.

My uncle just married my gf’s mother. This makes us cousins. I don’t want people to think this a kinky thing. What do I tell them?

People will think whatever they are going to think. All you need to say is that you are simply cousins by marriage and were actually going together before your uncle and gf's mother even went out. Don't concern yourself with the people who might doubt you, just don't doubt yourself.

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How do you know when someone is an alcoholic? My bf drinks a lot but says he’s not an alcoholic. Is this possible?

Being an alcoholic is more than just simple the amount of alcohol. There are behaviors associated with being an alcoholic and having alcohol-seeking behavior. However, if he is drinking a lot and is denial about it, he is at least on his road to becoming an alcoholic. It would also be advisable to attend an Alanon meeting. The people there have been through what you are going through and will share how to handle it with you.

My bff wants to date my ex gf. Do you think this is a good idea?

Ah, yes. To date or not date a friend's ex, that is the question. It all depends on your social circle's rules. They aren't really rules, more like guidelines. Talk it over with your bff, and see what he says. It may not make any difference to him. If it does, you have to decide which relationship is more important to you.

Is it weird to have sex and think of someone else while u r doing it?

It's called fantasizing. For a lot of people it is not weird at all, particularly when people are having difficulty performing sexually. It is actually one of many techniques used in sex therapy. All that being said, it really is like art, it's in the mind of the beholder. If it's weird to you, it's weird. If it's okay with you and your partner, it's fine.

Dr. Andrew I have something that worries me tremendously I have come to a conclusion my dear friend Is suffering from histrionic disorder. I've known her for 5 years and I know her better than anyone else, I know her better than she knows herself. It worries me. Is there anyway I can contact you? :(

It would be most important under the circumstances that you get professional help. The space available even with a direct message is not enough to work and help you. I would seek out psychologist in your area.

Help, I'm a teen who feels like commuting suicide but I'm too embarrassed for anyone to know or even seek help I'm too scared. Plus my parents never been supportive :'(

Sorry that I spotted this late and not until this morning. Having suicidal thoughts is definitely scary. If your relationship with your parents is not strong enough, you can always turn to another trusted person who can guide you. This is not something for an untrained person to handle. You definitely would benefit from professional help. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Pain is a great motivator. Most of us will do anything to get out of having pain. There are always constructive actions instead of destructive ones. You just have to be in the hands of the right person. Teenage years usually have some time of great stress, feeling like there is no tomorrow. Once you are through the gauntlet, you can use the lessons learned to help you later. That doesn't make the pain any less real while you are going through it. If you think your parents can handle it, just tell them you would like to talk with a therapist about some issues you are not yet ready to discuss with them. In any event, please get some help so that you aren't in pain.

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this girl started massaging me online and I replied to her, the problem though is that her answers are really short and brief (yes, no, yeah, etc). Does this mean she isn't into me? I try to engage in conversation, but I confess I'm not the best at it :/

I'm sure you meant "messaging" instead of "massaging," but maybe you typed what you really meant. One of the problems with online is we miss all the subtleties and nuances of face-to-face communication. I wouldn't read too much into it, even if her answers are short. It just may be her style of communication.
Liked by: Abraham

My wife wants us to be more intimate so she suggested that we book a session with a dominatrix. Is it a good idea?

If that's what your wife AND you decide, then okay. It's got to work for both of you. I'm not quite sure how going to a dominatrix increases intimacy, but then that's not my thing. If you find it exciting, go for it, but don't be pressured into doing it.
Liked by: Abraham

My gf gets way too rough during sex. I've tried to talk to her, but she just laughs and starts to insult me. The most recent thing she's done is nearly suffocate me w/ her breasts (which is not as fun as you'd think). should I break up with her??

I think breaking up is a bit of an overreaction, unless she just keeps blowing you off and making fun of you. Be serious with her. If she doesn't respect you and your feelings, then, yes, you should find someone who respects you more. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties, not just for one.
Liked by: Abraham

My ex has told all her girlfriends that I'm not her boyfriend and none of them will even talk to me. Is this some kind of girl code?

Assuming that the two of you have broken up, her posse will circle the wagons to protect her, especially if you "did her wrong." It's not a code, it's just all her friends sticking together. Really, guys are not that much different if there is a close group of friends.
Liked by: Abraham

How can I uncrush my crush?

You have to ask yourself why you are so stuck on someone, especially if they are not in to you. Sometimes it's just you playing out a fantasy, and that's okay. If it becomes an obsession, you should seek professional help so that you have an understanding of the "why" behind what you are doing.
Liked by: Abraham

I'm a girl and my girlfriend and I want to get married. Do you know what states it is legal in?

I don't have a comprehensive list. The best advice I can give you is to check with your local LGBT support group. They will be able to give you the information and will also be able to give you guidance on you journey. Good luck to you.

Are there really any foods that make sex better?

Even in ancient times people looked for aphrodisiacs. Oysters, peppers, Spanish flies. The rumors abound. So far, no one has found a food that really makes a difference, even champagne and caviar. Even the revered chocolate, despite how much we give on Valentine's day, doesn't do it. If you find a food that works, by all means let me know!! :-)

Can you really tell the size of a guys business by the size of his hands or feet?

That's actually a very big myth. There is ZERO correlation between the two. Some of the smallest guys are hung like a horse, while some of the biggest look like they are still in elementary school.

Is it always a good idea to tell someone if you cheated on them?

The simple answer is, no, not always. But that being said, to the extent possible a good relationship is one in which both partners can be honest and open. I can tell you after decades of working with couples it definitely is not ALWAYS a good idea. Some people can handle it better than others. However, keep this saying in mind: Trust takes years to develop, a few seconds to break, and forever to repair.
Liked by: Brad

My gf’s mother keeps coming on to me when my gf leaves the room I don’t know what to do about this and I don’t want to hurt my gf.

There's really not a choice. You have to discuss this with your gf, because handling on your own would just be a total disaster. Your gf may even be able to give you some insight into what the behavior is about or even if it's occurred before. It will also help you make sure of what you are feeling and that it's just not something in your imagination. At the very least it's an awkward situation. Try to handle it with finesse and not shame and blame.

When is one truly ready to date?

There no specific age or time. It's when you are ready to accept the responsibility that goes along with relationships. It might help to talk with a professional to sort things out.

Okay so I'm sort of stuck, I want to do water fasting to loose my excess fat and cleanse my body but I don't know if that's a good way to go :/

Not really. If you are going to cleanse your body, try juicing but only for a short period of time. If you are too drastic, two things will happen that work against what you want. First, you body will go into starvation mode, and your metabolism will slow down. Second, you will lose muscle mass. Muscle burns calories. The more muscle mass you have, the better control you will have over your weight. Intermittent fasting is okay, but check with your doctor first.

So I'm dating this girl but I'm not really into her. She asked me out and she's not a bad person or that unappealing so I gave her a chance. I dont know why she annoys me and I'm always thinking about my ex girlfriend but I hate my ex girlfriend all she ever did was hurt me! Please help :(

First, you haven't gotten over your ex. Second, you are projecting your upset with your ex onto the woman you are dating. You can't have it both ways - being mad at your ex and trying to have a good relationship with the one you are with. It won't work. The current word is mindfulness. Live in the moment.

Can a person marry themselves? I heard someone did that recently.

I believe that's one definition of a narcissist.

I've started my own matchmaking services, what advice can you give me about marketing

Study the actions of all the successful sites and then add your own spin.

Why do women wear white for a second marriage?

This is 201`4. Women are free to wear whatever they want and when they want. Stop being so judgmental.


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