ʟᴀᴅʏ ᴇʟᴏQᴜᴇɴᴄᴇ

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. συт σf ρσтαтσ qυєєи
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That's a pretty painful process for me.
Because I need some time to reflect upon my friends' behaviour. I compare their behaviour to my idealized behaviour in friendship as well as past friendships gone bad and the reasons why they have gone bad and then I need to reflect on the following points:

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⊗ are they busy with their life or do they give me excuses to not spend time together because they simply don't want it anymore and are too scared to tell me the truth?

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⊗ do they have a hard time right now and need some support, whatever it may be or...did they just stop making an effort to keep the friendship alive? Because friendship is not a one-way road. Whenever people take their friends for granted I can guarantee you, it's about to become a toxic friendship.

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⊗ if they can go weeks/months without talking to me, do they tell me why they can't be currently there for me? Because otherwise...what is a friendship even if people do not care about each other? You can't build a house on sand, you know?

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⊗ are they authentic with me or do I need to second-guess everything that comes out of their mouths? If I catch them lying or finding out the truth by myself it is hard to restore that trust that I've once put in them.

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⊗ are they supportive of me or do they try to make fun of me when other people are around - or worse behind my back? I don't keep people around who don't know how to be sensitive and appreciative of each other.

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⊗ are they listening to me when I'm talking or do they listen to add their own drama and pain? Making everything a competition although I needed emotional support. ⊗ Can they be there for me when I am in an emotional critical condition? It's okay not to have always time for each other but it's not okay to let someone down at a critical moment/condition, especially when they are in a peaceful situation and are just not in the mood to help. That's just bad behaviour in my opinion.

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⊗ are they trying to be friends with me because they need something of me (certain skills or emotional support) or are they friends with me because they genuinely care about me?

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⊗ do they listen to me when I talk about problems in our friendship or do they try to minimise my feelings and turn the tables so that they try not to look like the ones who are at fault? Because when problems appear they do not because one person decides they are complete angels. It's because they can't stand the thought that they, too, did something wrong. It's always both people who probably miscommunicate in a friendship - and it's sad to see when they don't have the guts to admit that.

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