I hear you. For me It's combination of being fed up and excited. I have to do something creative with my life, and I fully intend to make a living out of it. I have a lot of ambition, not to make money, but to make art. In my opinion too many jobs are completely pointless, ecologically unsustainable, and designed mainly to benefit greedy elitists at the top of the social ladder. I want to be in control of my own mind and in control of the content of my own work as much as possible. We're all in this life experiment together. I don't think anyone's any better than anyone else. We're flying through space on a little speck and we have to somehow figure out a way to live together without self-destructing, both physically and psychologically. The way I see it, 90% of human culture is pretty much a shit-festival. I'd like to to produce my own cultural artifacts and somehow make a living off of it without getting too involved in the shit-fest.