Patois time :D
You know your pum pum tun up if...

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-It shave good
-Yuh wear jeans and di man dem can see yuh camel toe deh
-Yuh pussy have di tight grab deya and hold yuh man dung
-Yuh man drop ah sleep after yuh fuck
-Yuh man wah di pussy every single time ah di day
-Yuh man nuh stop call off yuh phone
-Yuh man wah fuck any weh inna di house
-Yuh man bruk (buss a nut/cum) fast, yuh pum pum tun up loud!
-Yuh pussy look fresh out ah di pack!
-Yuh man call yuh name all di time
-Yuh man wah fi see yuh instead ah him pawdi dem (friends)
-Yuh man spend all him money pon yuh
-Yuh know she yuh pussy good when Vybz Kartel lef him girl Shawty
-Yuh man nuh wah fi lef yuh house
-Yuh man nah let yuh go!
-Yuh mek yuh man toe curl
-Yuh pum pum mek yuh man go ah church

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And that's the success criteria