I'm a condescending a-hole. How can I stop being a condescending a-hole while still speaking confidently?
First of all, understand that "condescension" and "confidence" are not the same thing at all. Confidence is feeling assured that you know what you're talking about. Condescension is speaking in a way that belittles others by framing them as stupid or ignorant.
If you haven't done so already, look up "mansplaining examples" and see what you can find. Whether or not you believe "mansplaining" is a uniquely male problem (I don't - I've received this nonsense from all sorts of people), take note of how the people they're talking about presume excessive amounts of ignorance on the part of whoever they're speaking to.
Things you can do to avoid "mansplaining" include:
-Assessing how much people already know before you start trying to advise or correct them.
-Acknowledging that they might know something you're about to suggest already.
-Admitting to yourself that you're in a spot where you don't actually know that much, and there are better-than-normal odds that you're wrong or ignorant.
-Remembering that it's better to admit you're wrong or ignorant than to make yourself look like a total ass by pretending otherwise.
I also notice that a lot of condescension stems from control issues. You might take a look at this article: http://www.springhole.net/other/voice-of-reason-vs-control-freak.htm
Also, learn to be a good listener: http://www.springhole.net/other/how-to-be-a-good-listener.htm
And do whatever you can do nip any other assorted bad behaviors in the bud: http://www.springhole.net/other/how-to-spot-abusive-and-manipulative-people.htm
I hope this helps!
If you haven't done so already, look up "mansplaining examples" and see what you can find. Whether or not you believe "mansplaining" is a uniquely male problem (I don't - I've received this nonsense from all sorts of people), take note of how the people they're talking about presume excessive amounts of ignorance on the part of whoever they're speaking to.
Things you can do to avoid "mansplaining" include:
-Assessing how much people already know before you start trying to advise or correct them.
-Acknowledging that they might know something you're about to suggest already.
-Admitting to yourself that you're in a spot where you don't actually know that much, and there are better-than-normal odds that you're wrong or ignorant.
-Remembering that it's better to admit you're wrong or ignorant than to make yourself look like a total ass by pretending otherwise.
I also notice that a lot of condescension stems from control issues. You might take a look at this article: http://www.springhole.net/other/voice-of-reason-vs-control-freak.htm
Also, learn to be a good listener: http://www.springhole.net/other/how-to-be-a-good-listener.htm
And do whatever you can do nip any other assorted bad behaviors in the bud: http://www.springhole.net/other/how-to-spot-abusive-and-manipulative-people.htm
I hope this helps!