Goldfish,the snack that smiles back.As he watches you eat his friends and family alive, unable to scream.He can only smile as half of his body is crushed beneath your teeth.It’s the only thing left he can fight back with.You can crush his body but his smile ensures that you can not crush his spirit.
Well now I sure feel like a fucking monster when eating goldfish, thanks
Champ:Tell me about it, this morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can't get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it.
Brick :Oh, I'm sorry champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
Jfc brick
You're a real hooker. I'm gonna slap you in public.
Are these really all anchorman quotes
I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
God
Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?
My
Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Lost puppies brought to you exclusively by puppy punting services
Jfc
Q: What do you call a blow job that lasts for 8 days?
A: Hanukkah Lewinsky.
Hohohoholy shit
A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl.
The psychic says, "Yes, you are."
The frog replies, "Where? In a bar or at a party?"
The psychic says, "In biology class."
Yo' Mama is so dumb, she left her car at a stop sign because it never changed to "go."
Aw man ma why you do this
Did you know that .99999999999(all the way to infinity) is equal to one? Here's how you solve that: what is 3 times one third? it's one! well, what is .333333(to infinity) times 3? well....it's .999999(to infinity). and, one third is equal to .3333(to infinity). so yeah. Math's a bitch.
Wow. Fuck math
A liquor (lick-her) closet! ;)
Oh
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
What
But soft, what light through yonder anus breaks?
Wow. That was creative
LUC. I AM YOUR MOTHER.
BETTER?
Yes. Thank you very much
If some stranger in a white van told you they had candy, would you go in?