How do you move on with life when you've moved away from all your friends, dropped out of University, have low self-esteem and have lost all confidence in yourself and your abilities to a point where you doubt yourself in every aspect of your life?
Well, what I did when I moved away from all my friends to another country, left my career, felt like I couldn't do anything, and was generally miserable was sulk in a basement for about a year. I gained a bunch of weight, stopped taking care of myself, started playing World of Warcraft, and felt like nothing would change ever. Antidepressants didn't help. Talking didn't help. I wasn't even sure what was *wrong* with me. Going out and making new friends felt impossible because I felt like I had nothing to offer, nothing to talk about, and that I would just have nothing to say if they asked me what I was up to or what I did. On my better days, I'd psyche myself up to go meet people and make friends, hang out a few doors away, panic, and go home and feel horrible.
What ended up helping, and I don't know how helpful this is for you, was I ended up getting some little crafting supplies and making these little facsimiles of pokemon evolution stones. Just being able to make something on this tiny micro scale really kind of was the turning point for getting that first little foothold in terms of clawing my way out of a deep, everpresent depression. It was immediate, tactile, and satisfying to make something physical like that. That turned into me going out and starting to try other things, which turned into me doing stand up, which turned into beekeeping and game design somehow too and now my life is infinitely better.
The second time after that, when I moved away from all my friends to another country and was dealing with PTSD and massive self worth issues, making stuff saved me once again. I made depression quest because I *had* to. Taking these feelings and putting them into something, anything, even unrelated... that helps me. Making things is basically how I channel my negative feelings and my self destructive impulses into something better, something potentially beautiful, and every time I do that, it moves the needle a little more and my lows get less low.
Getting back on adderall has helped tremendously too - I have massive adhd issues and my depression is very much comorbid with it. If you're having a hard time, don't be afraid to talk to a doctor if it's within your means.
Regardless, I hope the road for you gets less rocky. I've been there, and it's a shitty, lonely, desperate hole to have to claw out of. But you can do it - there is hope. I believe in you. <3
Don't be afraid to reach out to me again. I want to help any way I can. I know I can be insanely busy but I'll never turn away someone who needs another human to listen to them and remind them they're not alone.