Ask @abelleinbk:

demetria lucas d'oyley
Latest answers

Will you completely shut down this site.? Still playing catchup reading prior questions. Don't delete.! I need my fix Bel. :)

yup. Read "Don't Waste Your Pretty". The highlights are there. :-)

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A group of couples all friends one of the couples is getting divorced. The wife sends photos of recent vacation to all of us via email including our spouses emails they are nothing but skimpy bikini pics. I think it's inappropriae and should've sent to only the ladies thoughts?

yeah. inappropriate. i get if it's mostly scenery/food/drinks/events and such and there's a couple bikini pics thrown in, but it's all or mostly bikini pics, then yeah, #teamtoomuch

I've had a few friends get divorced. in all fairness to the wife, she's in a bad place and not always thinking clearly.

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Do you think couples benefit from date nights?

um... duh. lol.

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Bride'smaids daughter was single when she RSVP. 2 wks b4 wedding she asks to bring new dude(destinationwedd).We had paid catering/open bar bill. I told her no extra room. She was no show. Her mom told other Bridesmaids thats why & she was in support. I am pissed my friend condoned this. Am I wrong?


But what can be done about it? The wedding is over. You're mad about something that can't be fixed.

Your friend can't be held responsible for how her grown daughter moves. Whether she agrees or not is irrelevant.

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What's the next big project for u?

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Why are u switxhing platforms??

Because getting hits/$$ for someone else doesn't make sense.

Black people should own more, consume less. :-/

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My husband doesn't make plans with me and won't tell me when he has meetings wtc after work or plans with friends -he just goes about his business or will ask me to do something the day of-is this inappropriate?


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What does the 12k person get?

Um. A note to go visit

I'm not running a contest. I'm switching platforms. Lol.

7 more to go.

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B no it's HER neighbor not my neighbor I don't know dude other than seeing him in the bundling when I go visit her. But now I'm wondering of they had eyes for each other this whole time. She mad foul for this. Broke up with me but we kept Having sex and she was seeing him too

You weren't in a relationship with her. She was single. You have no claims on who she dates when you're not with her.

Sir. Please leave this woman alone. You don't want her. You don't think highly of her. Your ego is just bruised now.

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Asked a question on the new site almost 10 hours ago. Realized that the activity is on this site still. Kinda confused but still a fan :-)

This site shuts down when I hit 12k. Im transitioning. Thank you for your patience during this time.

I am currently answering questions on both sites. Even on the new site, I still won't be able to answer every question.

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OP re pregnant: you're right, I think I know what's best for me right now, it's just a really frightening decision to make, thus me feeling extremely confused. Thank goodness my BF is 100% supportive through all of this.

You're blessed. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

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I'm a newly wed in my 30s former boss is now good friend-she's been married 30 years and is very negative about marriage and men. I get she's been married decades longer and been thru more but it drives me batty to listen to this. Is the only option to distance myself from her?

Or ask her not to talk about men. Surely there's more to the friendship than man-talk.

Just for everyone reading; marriage does not mean happy. Happy means happy.

There area lot of people who are married and absolutely miserable, and who hate their husbands.

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Not in re to previous q/answer: but u always ask:what is best for u?...but Is it really that simple? What's best for someone may not b the only factor. There are other things to ask ones self than "whats best for me?"

If you don't know what you want or what is best for you, how do you figure out what to do? You have to have some point at which to begin compromising from. Otherwise you're just farting in the wind.

And yeah, actually, it can be that simple. If you're not willing to consider and act in your own best interest, who else will? And if you won't do, why should anyone else?

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You have a spammer who is responding to questions pretending to b OP. I'm the real op of movie Q and I woukdbt respond with such nonsense


This is part of the reason I'm moving.


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In that husband movie situation, am I wrong in thinking that it's the obligation of the husband to take his wife to the movies even if he doesn't like it? At least occasionally so she's not asking random men to take her. In my mind, a husband is your guaranteed date. Am I wrong in my thinking?

It would be nice, but no, he's not obligated. And because he won't go, doesn't mean she can ask random men and it's ok. Go with her girls. Go alone. She has options. Asking someone else's hubs was the wrong move.

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Belle, I'm so confused. I just finished law school & passed the bar exam. Still looking for a full time job (brutal job mkt)...I also just found out I'm pregnant. I love my BF, we are seriously discussing marriage but I just don't think I can have this baby right now!

Only you can make that choice. What is best for you? Do that.

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me and hubs met new couple; cool enuf peeps. While at dinner My hubs mentioned a movie he wants to see I have to interest and the hubs of other couple hates movies period--so the wife asks my husband to go see the movie with her. I'm like hell naw! Weirdo. agree?

Hell no.

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RE: Cant make him want you. I cognitively understand that. Problem is he literally said he keeps people on a "leash". I understand that for him to do that he selfishly does "just enough". When I ask how to fix, I mean, how do I stop feeling so embarrassed that I've been complicit in taking scraps??

Forgive yourself. Learn from the mistake. Do better going forward.

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Hey B I asked my ex girl would she be my valentine she laughed in my face and said we will see, we are on good terms we talk often, could you tell me from a women POV why would she do this?

She doesn't want to be your Valentine. She may also have plans with someone else.

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Belle, I have a childhood bff I haven't talked to in yrs. she skipped my wedding because she didn't want to be there I was so hurt I distanced myself. At this point I miss the memories of our friendship but I'm not sure if I should reach out. Would it be worth getting in touch with her?

Only you can make that choice.

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Hell yeah I told her she was insecure she's super insecure for jumping from one dude to the next and never even told me about the guy when we were still in touch

Sir. Might I suggest you to you that insulting your ex is no way to win her back.

Also, dating your neighbor doesn't automatically make her insecure. Maybe he treats her better. Maybe she's dating him to piss you off. (That's petty, maybe insecure.) So she moved from one person to the next. She's single. She can date whoever she wants. Best move? Eh. Maybe, maybe not. It depends.

Please leave this woman alone. You don't want her back. You want her to want you and you're in your feelings because you ex is with someone you know.

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Dating 2 guys & really like them both. I'm having trouble trying to figure out which one I'd want to be with. What do I do here? Just go with whoever asks to be exclusive first?

keep dating them until you make a decision. one will eventually when out.

going with whoever asks first? This is your life. It's not a game. Be an active participant in your choices, not a bystander.

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What is a guy doing if he texts u not every day but like consistently a few times a week but hasn't asked u out yet? Saving u for a rainy day? Lol

stop guessing and ASK him why he hasn't asked you out.

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Why do I attract old men and guys I don't find attractive. I'm 23 but I always attract men in their 40s+ or men I find ugly. How can I fix this and attract the type of men I like.

um. what are you doing to attract men that YOU are interested in, so you're not just choosing from wo comes to you? Are you doing cutie runs? (that's the whole point, is you're doing the picking too.)

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Gf broke up with me bc after a yr I couldn't confirm I loved her. Few wks later she dating a neighbor. I told her I realize I do love her, want to get bk together but she's insecure for jumping to next dude so fast. She pissed and won't talk to me. How do I make it right?

do you really want her back? or is this your ego?

did you tell her that you think she's insecure while at the same time telling her you want her back? son. you thought that would end well?

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About demetria lucas d'oyley:

She's a journalist, life coach and author of A Belle In Brooklyn, the award-winning site and the book, Her latest book, Don't Waste Your Pretty is available on x Kindle NOW.