I sit without pants at a desk I bought when I had a real job, and think about why sparrows, and daytime, and crawling into small spaces, and when to eat icecream, and why some people don't indicate, and homesickness, and love, and tiny dogs, and how to apply nail polish, and the kind of people who shop at newsagents, and the way trees move, and busting someone masturbating, and standing in supermarket queues, and noodles, and how we listen, and what despondency looks like, and which finger is left out when hands are intertwined, and oranges, and standing on clifftops, and baby otters, and what are full stops for, and that time on that beach, and the best way to love old boyfriends, and flour mills, and the best way to hate old boyfriends, and churchyards, and train stations, and the quiet crackle of a cigarette drag, and pergolas, and what dads smell like, and how to turn pages, and what happens on couches, and how to talk to butchers, and what it might be like to have six brothers, and bricks, and adjusting someone else's driver's seat, and pizza toppings, and what colour is charcoal, and how to mix cakes, and turning a clock forward, and a girl you once knew, and getting a table for four, and the reverse side of a hospital shower curtain, and winking, and standing up in church, and things that burn down, and internet videos, and why some people are famous, and the sound the dry desert makes when the sun goes down, and being attacked by geese, and paint brushes, and the soft part behind your ear where your brain is exposed, and knitting needles, and a Ferrari, and why to drive down hills, and how to eat a vanilla slice, and how to talk to someone in a kiosk, and what your hand does when juice bottles go "pop!", and what my grandfather's skin felt like, and burying avocado seeds, and men who are naked, and swans, and paddle boats, and being stalked, and going to a motorcycle race, and eating a sandwich in the shade, and eye drops, and bamboo, and being in a rotunda, and Good Friday, and all the different colours of guinea pigs, and how fast train doors open, and when to say goodbye, and treble clefs, and buying someone a star, and afternoon tea, and how it would feel to be eaten by a wombat.