How do you know when you're in love? How do you act, at first?
Ridiculous. Obsessive. Unwieldy. Horny.
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Now you are the Bee's Knees so you might want to use that?
Bless you ❤️
A colleague of mine sexually assaulted someone. His victim isn't comfortable reporting it to the police. He's on paid leave now but he says he will sue us for unfair dismissal if we terminate his contract. Without a police report, there is no official reason to do so. Is there a way around this?
I ... am not a lawyer?
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What would be the title of your autobiography?
"Some Bees". That was the first little book I wrote, as a plucky three-year-old.
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Rita
I remember you mentioned that you were working on a memoir? How's that coming along?
Quite well! I have about 40 chapters outlined, so I'm going to have to do some culling. And I'm working on finding the balance of being serious and dreary but also self-deprecating and funny and relatable. I suspect it will end up being much like a series of my blog entries, but with a narrative thread running through. And then maybe some fun relief bits like "20 highly specific things you didn't know you could be afraid of".
Thank you for asking!
Thank you for asking!
Do you have an opinion about "shock-treatment" for mental illness. I always thought it seemed barbaric but I know sfa about it.
I have a friend who has done electroshock therapy for depression. Until that happened, I actually didn't realise they still did it. It sounded traumatic, from the way this person described it, but they also said it was highly effective ... for a while. They had to return every few months to have further electroshocking(?), and it became less and less effective each time.
I don't think I would ever try it. I'm a gentle soul, I need to treat myself gently.
I don't think I would ever try it. I'm a gentle soul, I need to treat myself gently.
Thanks for being rad xx
Thank YOU so much for saying such a lovely thing to me on this Tuesday. <3
Do you really think of novels in terms of length?
Now I do, in terms of word count :\
In terms of preference, yes, length has a bit to do with it. I like brief novels that brush against their subject and then let it go again. I don't like novels that labour over things.
In terms of preference, yes, length has a bit to do with it. I like brief novels that brush against their subject and then let it go again. I don't like novels that labour over things.
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Rita
Is eighty thousand words a good length for a novel?
Yes! 70-80,000 words is my favourite length of novel.
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Rita
Thanks to yr recommendation, I am now a prolific, and very happy, consumer of Coles raspberry tartlets. However, one small thing bothers me - how pale they are. Do you have any thoughts on this? Other than I should STFU?
No, I think about this too! They are a bit underdone for my tastes. I don't want them to be crunchy, because I feel the soft biscuit is an important part of the tartlet experience, but golden edges would tip them over into perfection.
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Rita
Very open. Honest. Funny. Cat obsessed, or rather, Norman obsessed. Bit sexy.
These are all things I hope are true about me :) Maybe people I know in real life could tell you?
How close is the persona you've developed on social media to your real self?
My online self has always been pretty close to my real self, I think. What do you think my social media persona is?
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Rita
Just finished your 'When You Are Only One Thing' piece and loved it! I am so glad I came across your MH writing via twitter :) Also, on a lighter note, but still relating to the piece, what's the most you've ever won on a scratchie?
Thanks so much :)
I think the most I've ever won on a scratchie is about $20. My ex-husband's family won the lotto once though.
I think the most I've ever won on a scratchie is about $20. My ex-husband's family won the lotto once though.
Makes me think of grey shapes. Anyway, I'll leave you alone now. Thanks for being nice! :)
Thank you for asking! Please ask anything whenever the mood strikes.
Thank you for sharing those titles..there's some beautiful ones there. Did you find it hard when your publisher hated the initial title? I shared a title with a few friends and although they didn't say they hated it, it was obvious they did. I want something perfect like 'all the birds, singing'
All the Birds, Singing is my idea of a perfect title too! I wrote about it a bit in this review of the book - http://blog.annaspargoryan.com/2014/06/book-review-all-the-birds-singing/.
I had secretly hoped my publisher would ask me to change the initial title, because I hated it. But I later went back to them with "The Solemnity of Eggs", which is from a passage in The Secret Garden (which is kind of a theme in my book), and I thought it was perfect. They hated it. I was pretty sad about that.
The current title contender is "May Love Save Us", which is a butchered Pablo Neruda quote ("If nothing can save us from death / may love at least save us from life"). Again I love it, and will be very, very sad if they don't.
This is a fraught business.
I had secretly hoped my publisher would ask me to change the initial title, because I hated it. But I later went back to them with "The Solemnity of Eggs", which is from a passage in The Secret Garden (which is kind of a theme in my book), and I thought it was perfect. They hated it. I was pretty sad about that.
The current title contender is "May Love Save Us", which is a butchered Pablo Neruda quote ("If nothing can save us from death / may love at least save us from life"). Again I love it, and will be very, very sad if they don't.
This is a fraught business.
How did you come up with the title of your book? I'm frightened of getting mine wrong or making it really lame, and everyday I think I've found the perfect title until I realise it's terrible and I cry into my muffin/cake product.
In the first instance, I named the book after a painting that appeared in the story. My publisher hated it (and honestly, I also hated it) so I sent them a list of title musing. This is that list:
"How to Draw a Frog"
"How to Cook Frogs"
"The X X of Frogs / Trees / Winter /
Into the …
Fog
Last Into The Fog
Fog Stars Thick Magic Darkness Storm Grey Charcoal Painting Drawing Trees Garden Inside Mouse Heather Flowers Sadness Grief Weave Catch Paint Chrysalis Mother Child Illness Mind
Before the [xxxx] Catches / Finds You
Before the Darkness Finds You
What We Know of [xxxx]
The Downturned Heads of Flowers
All Their Upturned Faces
All the Black and White Flowers
Each of Her Black and White Flowers
The unmentionable chaos of trees
Only their painted faces
The particular stillness of sleep
The particular stillness of stars
The unspeakable stillness / silence of stars / trees
The XXXX X of the Sea
The Magnificent Man in the Moon
The Growing Season
There was an old lady who swallowed the sky
Swallowing the Sky
I trust your garden was willing to die
Perished with beautiful reluctance
"How to Draw a Frog"
"How to Cook Frogs"
"The X X of Frogs / Trees / Winter /
Into the …
Fog
Last Into The Fog
Fog Stars Thick Magic Darkness Storm Grey Charcoal Painting Drawing Trees Garden Inside Mouse Heather Flowers Sadness Grief Weave Catch Paint Chrysalis Mother Child Illness Mind
Before the [xxxx] Catches / Finds You
Before the Darkness Finds You
What We Know of [xxxx]
The Downturned Heads of Flowers
All Their Upturned Faces
All the Black and White Flowers
Each of Her Black and White Flowers
The unmentionable chaos of trees
Only their painted faces
The particular stillness of sleep
The particular stillness of stars
The unspeakable stillness / silence of stars / trees
The XXXX X of the Sea
The Magnificent Man in the Moon
The Growing Season
There was an old lady who swallowed the sky
Swallowing the Sky
I trust your garden was willing to die
Perished with beautiful reluctance
When you come across a series you like, and ur a couple of seasons behind, do you marathon/watch a ridiculous amount of eps in a day or are you able to ration them? If you gorge, do you remember the first series you gorged on?
I binge watch wherever possible (but am also impatient so watch shows I'm desperate to see one piddling episode at a time). The first series I binged on was Scrubs. My then-husband and I watched seven seasons in a week.
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Rita
do you like them?
Yes! At the moment we're playing Blood Bowl 2 and Destiny: The Taken King, but it's really just to waste the months until the new Zelda is released.
Until recently we had a PS4, PS3, PS2, PS, WiiU, Wii, GameCube, 3DS, DS, Gameboy Advance, Mega Drive II, Master System, Game Gear, Atari 2600, BBC Micro. We are game dorks.
Until recently we had a PS4, PS3, PS2, PS, WiiU, Wii, GameCube, 3DS, DS, Gameboy Advance, Mega Drive II, Master System, Game Gear, Atari 2600, BBC Micro. We are game dorks.
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Marcus
video games?
What about them?
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Rita
Who's your favourite Australian politician, past or present, and why?
My great-great-grandfather seconded the motion to name Lake Burley Griffin. I mean, what an accomplishment.
There have been quite a few politicians (including MPs) in my family, but until probably five years ago I hadn't taken more than a passing interest in politics. I don't know if I know enough about anyone to know if they should be my favourite.
There have been quite a few politicians (including MPs) in my family, but until probably five years ago I hadn't taken more than a passing interest in politics. I don't know if I know enough about anyone to know if they should be my favourite.
What adulthood things would u like to experience when yr kids are adults? Also, re having a bub at 19, medical books say this is the best time 2 have one. Any thoughts? I know u only have yr exp 2 go on, but at 29, I remember how energetic I was at 19 compared to now. Obvs not only factor 2 consider
Energy is one of many thousands of different things you need to parent a child. I had more energy as a 19-year-old than I do now, though who knows how much energy I might have had at 32 had I not had two children? What I didn't have was emotional maturity, patience, level-headedness, steady income, a secure place to live, a strong relationship that could withstand upheaval, any real understanding of the world, confidence in my own ability, or any experience whatsoever with babies.
When you're 19, you have to wing it. You have to stand out in a field with a baby and learn how to keep it alive with your extremely minimal resources. You can't ask your friends, because they don't know. You can't ask your parents, because they told you it would be hard. You can't ask each other, because you're so tired you can't even remember the other's name and besides, they don't know about it any more than you do. Then you get to be 32 and you have a 12-year-old and a 10-year-old and both of those children have been growing up in the world and figuring it out and getting it right and getting it wrong and having their own discrete experiences, and in your mind you're still 19 and staring down at your baby thinking, "What the fuck?"
To say it was the hardest thing I've ever done is an injustice to the flailing, spiralling, indiscriminate despair I felt every day.
When you're 19, you have to wing it. You have to stand out in a field with a baby and learn how to keep it alive with your extremely minimal resources. You can't ask your friends, because they don't know. You can't ask your parents, because they told you it would be hard. You can't ask each other, because you're so tired you can't even remember the other's name and besides, they don't know about it any more than you do. Then you get to be 32 and you have a 12-year-old and a 10-year-old and both of those children have been growing up in the world and figuring it out and getting it right and getting it wrong and having their own discrete experiences, and in your mind you're still 19 and staring down at your baby thinking, "What the fuck?"
To say it was the hardest thing I've ever done is an injustice to the flailing, spiralling, indiscriminate despair I felt every day.
Is there anything you feel like you missed out on? in your childhood?
Nope. My parents gave us just about everything a kid could possibly want or need. I had a hugely privileged childhood.
There are things I feel like I missed out on in my adulthood. I got pregnant with my first daughter when I was 19. I've been a parent my whole adult life. Hopefully I'll have a chance to experience some of those things when my kids are adults.
There are things I feel like I missed out on in my adulthood. I got pregnant with my first daughter when I was 19. I've been a parent my whole adult life. Hopefully I'll have a chance to experience some of those things when my kids are adults.
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Rita
I started to watch The Great British Bake Off on yr suggestion & absolutely love it! What do u think of TBL? I get caught up in the stories/the crying/the make-overs but many of my friends, altho reality fans, absolutely loathe the show. Do u think it's really any worse than other reality TV?
I really do, though. What I like so much about GBBO is that it doesn't prey on the vulnerabilities of the contestants. Crying happens when someone is joyful or disappointed, but not because they've been asked about their dead mother or their six miscarriages. The contestants help one another! Without even sabotaging anyone! And when someone is sent home, everyone has a big - but stoic - hug and a little teary and then they go home to their families. It's blissful.
The Biggest Loser is pretty much the opposite of this in every way. It exposes some of the most extreme insecurities a person can have, then demands they be rectified on national television but in a way that creates and enhances drama and intrigue. Where GBBO seems truly delighted by baking and bakers and Mary Berry and sponges and creme pat, the TBL contestants seem a tertiary consideration in creating an agonising spectacle.
The other big difference is that GBBO is a celebration of everything that's lovely. Eating well and losing weight is hard, but TBL pitches its entire show as a circus of gruelling labour, restraint, willpower and fear. No thank you.
The Biggest Loser is pretty much the opposite of this in every way. It exposes some of the most extreme insecurities a person can have, then demands they be rectified on national television but in a way that creates and enhances drama and intrigue. Where GBBO seems truly delighted by baking and bakers and Mary Berry and sponges and creme pat, the TBL contestants seem a tertiary consideration in creating an agonising spectacle.
The other big difference is that GBBO is a celebration of everything that's lovely. Eating well and losing weight is hard, but TBL pitches its entire show as a circus of gruelling labour, restraint, willpower and fear. No thank you.
How do you cope with and express anger?
Anger is one of the few emotions I feel I'm reasonably well equipped to deal with. I am quick to anger, but I don't like that trait in other people and I have worked very hard to manage it in myself. I'm a big supporter of counting back from ten, of leaving the room, of speaking in a level voice, of taking deep breaths into my abdomen.
That said, sometimes anger can be constructive. I believe some of my most useful writing has come out of being really fucking pissed off about something. Happy to channel that.
That said, sometimes anger can be constructive. I believe some of my most useful writing has come out of being really fucking pissed off about something. Happy to channel that.
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Rita
What's yr worst school memory?
When I was in Year 6, the guy I loved stabbed me in the back (literally) with one of those old-style compasses. I chased him down the stairs and punched him in front of the principal's office. I got suspended. He did not.
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