anonamouse

I think it’s largely a societal thing that people feel almost pressured to say that. Like, society places so much value on having children, and people can really feel a lot of pressure to start a family, even when it’s not what they truly want. It’s always “WHEN will you have kids?” 🙄 Not “Hey, what do you think about having children? Is that something you picture for yourself? How do you feel about becoming a parent?”

---

I feel like it’s just an automatic thing that people expect… “You grow up, you get married, you have kids.” End of story. And it just doesn’t work like that for many people. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think that expectation can be quite… harmful and very presumptive. Also, it’s just rude to ask people that. Consider this: Can the person you asked have biological kids? What would be the risks/complicating factors if they were to get pregnant? How would having children impact the life they currently lead or would like to live down the road? Is it safe for them to be pregnant? Like, there are so many questions to consider before jumping to that conclusion. So to me, I think people use that phrase as a way to get people to stop asking, or assuming they even want children right off the bat. Even though, they shouldn’t even have to do that, or explain themselves to others. If they don’t want kids, respect that, don’t pressure them to the point they feel they have say stuff like “I h*te kids.” 🥴

---

I’ll say for myself, I don’t h*te kids by any means… But, I absolutely despise being asked “when” I’ll have children or that I “should” have them by now. 😑 I don’t particularly want to think about that at this point in my life, to be fair. I have lots of other things I want to do before I think about being a mother, and more than that, if I truly WANT to be a mother. To be frank, I don’t even know if I can get pregnant (due to medical reasons), nor do I know if it would be even be safe for me or the baby. So… yeah, it’s something I personally have to grapple with. I just think it can be/is a sore spot for a lot of people, and not everyone wants to address that topic. And at least if they say something like that openly, people tend to back off. That’s my logic anyway. 🤔

View more

I definitely did change/be more careful with my words in the past. I also hid various aspects of myself that I thought may be considered “weird” (which, looking back, I wish I hadn’t… if they date me, they’d see that side of me inevitably, anyways). 😅 I’d say my approach was that I wanted to be the absolute best version of myself at all times for them, so I could appear a certain way, in hopes they’d find me more interesting, attractive, etc. I also, tried to hide my “baggage” per say to make myself seem healed and so self aware. Even though, I knew deep down, if they really got to know me, that facade would always break. 😶

---

Needless to say, I have a very different approach now…

---

I think allowing yourself to be “quirky” and/or vulnerable about the parts of you/your personality that maybe you hesitate showing, really helps in the talking phase. I’m not saying you should allow people access to the most intimate, deepest parts of you immediately. I’m saying, share an interest you have that maybe you don’t normally speak of. Or share a little personality quirk you have. Allow yourself to be less rigid, you don’t have to always be in the best light for someone to like you. You’re human, you’re complex, it’s okay to show that. 🤗 It’s easier said than done, I know… BUT, I really think those little vulnerable moments are important and valuable.

---

And, like I mentioned before, if they are actually going to date you at some point, they will see/learn those things regardless… So, in my opinion it’s nice to just start slowly shedding those layers we put on for the world, so the person who we want to be with can see who we truly are. It not only helps them feel good enough to do the same for you, but it helps you to feel at peace and completely comfortable with being yourself in the long run, assuming you do pursue the relationship.

---

Personally, I’ve found it’s worth having those anxious moments, just to find out someone I like was actually charmed by that side of me, or they related to it in a way I couldn’t have predicted, or if nothing else, just showed me genuine interest and non-judgement. You never know, it really can be the tiniest things about you that can make someones heart swoon. 🥰 It can be very fulfilling and rewarding to be bold and step into yourself like that, even when it’s scary. I think that’s the beautiful thing about getting to know a potential partner. You both get to see all the little things that makes one another undeniably human, and still find yourselves loving each other more and more. 💗

View more

I think it’s inexcusable. It’s one of the most selfish, disrespectful, harmful things you can do to someone you claim to love. 😒 I will never understand people who cheat, nor the multitude of excuses they make up for why they do it. None of them are believable, and all of them just further show how much you don’t care about the person you cheated on.

---

I’ve said this before but I’d rather someone straight up tell me that they don’t love me, and break up with me on the spot, instead of cheating on me. At least, then I’d know they were a decent enough person to tell me how they truly felt. I could heal from that. Finding out there’s already someone else in the picture and they didn’t think I was deserving of so much as an explanation is traumatic and scarring. Once someone cheats on me, they don’t get to tell me they love me, or that they ever loved/respected me that much even before cheating, because their choices tell a different story. 🙄

---

I’ve always had a very, very strong reaction to that stuff because I just cannot fathom hurting someone like that. And while I’ve never been cheated on personally, I know of many that have, and every time it happens, it’s just as infuriating as the last time. 😡

View more

One of the biggest things for me: AVOID the internet at ALL costs. As a chronically ill person who also has a lot of health anxiety, the worst possible thing you can do is go to Google and doom scroll when feeling extremely anxious. 🥴 For your own sake, go to your doctor or call them, and discuss what you feel directly, not only symptoms, but the anxiety as well. And they may even suggest getting a couple tests done so that you can have some mental peace knowing that your body is functioning how it should. OR that whatever condition(s) you currently have isn’t getting worse or triggering something else, etc.

---

Next thing: Share with someone you trust who can have a conversation with you, rationalize, challenge your anxiety (kindly, and with compassion), and just be a friendly sounding board so you don’t spiral. I find this helps me a lot. Sometimes, simply receiving a trusted persons input/rationalization, and getting everything off my chest calms me down immensely. 😮‍💨

---

And finally: Do NOT suppress your anxiety. It does not help anything, nor will it make you feel better. Acknowledge that you feel very anxious right now, try your best to slow down and refocus your mind. Whether that is by giving yourself time to cry, or sit in silence and focus on breathing, vent or write out everything you’re anxious about, and I mean everything. Listen to music, watch a show/movie that comforts you, or any other healthy coping mechanism you do to relax. Regardless, feel your feelings. And then, when you’ve done that, you can go ahead and establish how you want to proceed/re-evaluate how you are doing.

---

For me, writing out everything is so beneficial, because once I’ve calmed down a bit, I can essentially fact check myself and be like “okay, I know I don’t have to worry about *insert thought(s)* because *insert reason(s)*.” Or take those anxieties to a medical professional/loved one so they can help you fact check them.

---

I hope that helps, even a little bit! I know health anxiety is awful and hard to navigate. ☹️

View more

I’d likely be in total disbelief at first, likely thinking I was hallucinating, or dreaming. But then, I’d probably be totally enthralled the more I kept watching. I think it’d be SO cool to just see a model city come to life like that! I’d wanna just observe them all day long. 🤩 I can imagine it’s like a cozy model city that’s like serene to look at, and then all of a sudden, it’s full of so much life and things to hear/see. 😌

---

Speaking of, this question reminds me a lot of the movie ‘Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium’ which takes place in a magical toy store, instead of a model city, but the concept is similar… Everything comes to life. I’ll attach a short clip of what I’m referring to because I think I’d probably just be beaming the whole time if this, or anything like this was reality. Like, if that model city suddenly was just bustling, my inner child would be so excited, and mind blown. 🤯 If you start the clip at 2:45, you’ll see what I mean!
https://youtu.be/3mPnyWbdih8?feature=shared

View more

If there was no ability to turn off anonymous questions, I would’ve left long ago and never come back. I honestly would much rather have far less questions coming in, than deal with that. Plus, total anonymity is suspect as it is, so I just try to avoid that at all costs. People can do/say whatever they want basically without repercussion, and I’ve seen how much/often people get harassed by anon trolls… And I want no part of it. I prefer people being pseudo anonymous if you don’t want to put your whole identity out there. Take my account for example, I show my face, but I don’t share any personal info, name, age, etc. So yeah, that’d be one thing that’d ruin this site for me. 😬

---

Another thing would be if it became a privacy issue. Like, I know people have had/still have st*lkers on here, or just people who know way too much about their personal lives, and I could not do that. Anything I put on here, I feel comfortable having on a public platform, but if people began finding out personal things (like finding out what my name is, my other social media, etc without me telling them) I’d have to leave. Especially if it was gonna affect people I care about. No way. I’m very protective of the people in my life, and I do not want some random Q&A site to jeopardize their privacy/safety just as much as I wouldn’t want it for me. 😅

View more

With a whole lot of anxiety and some optimism/hopeful thinking. 😂😄 I am so easily overwhelmed by life, and I don’t do well with so much happening at once, it stresses me out a lot.

---

What I often do to try and calm my anxiety/cope is 1) find little things to be excited about every day. 2) Maintain hope that things will work out well, or find alternatives that would still be somewhat reasonable/positive. 3) Let myself feel my feelings about whatever is happening, and share what I’m going through with trusted people, so it’s not just silently weighing on me. 4). If I have a lot of challenging things on my plate at once, I try to sort things into smaller, more manageable task loads, starting with the most pressing/important so that I don’t shut down entirely and do nothing. 😅 That’s literally the best I can do most times, honestly.

View more

Hi! 😄 Thank you for asking!

---

Lately, I’ve been doing okay... The last couple weeks, I’ve had laryngitis which isn’t the most pleasant, but I’m hoping it’ll go away soon. I’m also trying to deal with a very hard and deeply upsetting situation right now. ☹️ I won’t be discussing it on here though, as it involves other people and I want to protect their privacy, but it’s made for some very difficult days/weeks. But, I do have quite a bit that is good in my life at the moment as well, so, things definitely feel rather bittersweet.

---

One good thing that’s happened recently, is that I got approved for health insurance! (It’s such an American thing to say, I know 🙈). I’m so pleased though, as it’s been a cause of major stress and dread this year and I’m relieved it’s not been nearly as hard as I imagined it would be, up to this point. Hopefully it’ll stay that way! ☺️🤞🏼

---

How have you been doing lately?

View more

The story is honestly not very interesting. I wish it was, but unfortunately, I came up with it in like 2 seconds. 😅

---

So, I’ve always been terrible at coming up with usernames, and if you combine that with the fact that I joined ask with no intention of being on here for more than a couple days… I just went with a variation of “anonymous” because I did not want to share any of my personal info. And I chose to change the end to “amouse” aka a mouse because I’m known for being very quiet, so I was like “anon mouse, perfect for a temporary name.” And well… That definitely didn’t work how I envisioned cause I’m still here. Not so temporary after all. 😂

---

Looking back though, I honestly do not like my username at all. It’s very underwhelming and meh (as are many of my usernames generally). But this is what everyone on here associates me with now, and people recognize it so I don’t want to change it. Plus my @ will always be that name with a bunch of random numbers regardless, so it feels pointless to come up with something else. 😅🙈

View more

My biggest thing is to try and take quick breaks wherever possible. Even 5-10 minutes can be enough to recenter, for me personally. If I’m sitting for a long time, looking at a screen, writing, trying to memorize something I’m studying, etc, it helps to turn off screens, get up, stretch, maybe step outside for a couple minutes and get some fresh air, and just take a second to process everything. 😮‍💨 Our brain can only take in so much at once, which is why we so often hear about how bad cramming everything in is, and how it isn’t very effective or healthy. So allowing myself two 5-10 minute breaks per hour of work is really beneficial to reset. 😄

---

Another thing is setting small, attainable goals that will incentivize you to continue working. An example might be, if I’m writing a paper, and I notice my attention is slipping, I’ll be like “Okay, when I finish *insert amount* then I’ll take a short walk.” Or “Once I get to this point in the paper, I’ll allow myself to look at my phone and scroll social media for a couple minutes.” Whatever works to make you feel energized to continue. Switch it up, try and think of small things you personally find exciting, that really encourage you to get back to work! ☺️ It can be anything! I find this works well for me, because then I know I always have things to look forward to as a reward.

---

Another thing, if you’re studying, or have a lot of reading to do, switch up the ways in which you attempt to retain information. Say, if you’ve been doing the same method of taking notes, or using flash cards, or however you personally study, it can be beneficial to look up and try out other methods to see if those work for you. You can make a game out of the information, you could make up funny acronyms for something you’re studying if that’ll help you memorize things, and so on. Or, if you want to test how much info you’ve already retained, try pretending to teach the subject you’re learning about to someone else, it’ll show you where the gaps in your knowledge are and where you might need to study further. 🤔 I find these things can make studying much more interesting, and less monotonous. Therefore, it feels actually enjoyable versus another long task you don’t feel inspired to do. 😵‍💫

View more

Very much so, yeah. I was homeschooled (for medical reasons) during middle school, and so the transition to public high school was really difficult for me to adjust to. I had spent a couple years out of normal school life, so I had no clue what my peers were like when I came back, what they liked, how to relate to them, etc. I also had shut myself off completely, especially in the beginning. So that made things harder… I refused to trust anyone, I refused to let people know me just because I had a lot of insecurities and thought no one would like me/or that they would judge me harshly. 😅

---

Luckily though, the first little while of being in high school was really the worst of it, and it seemed to get better and better from there. All in all, high school was honestly quite a positive experience for me, which I feel grateful for. I know many who don’t share that experience. 😬

View more

My best friend in high school, yes. While we never really put a label on it, or admitted our true feelings, it was very obvious we were into each other in more than a friend way. I think we both knew deep down we had strong feelings for each other. Most people who saw us but didn’t know us, thought we were actually dating. We got many comments like that… 😅😂

---

But no, having feelings for them wasn’t the thing that wedged itself in between us, it was external factors that did it instead. Inevitably, we did slowly drift apart, and now we haven’t spoken in years. It took me SO long to move on from that, cause I still had such intense feelings for them, and it was my first time truly falling for someone in that way. It’s hard to forget or leave behind the first person you experience those feelings for/loosely dated. 🥺

View more

The people I’ve found that I compare myself most to, is extroverts or people with larger than life personalities. I guess because I’m the opposite of that, and always have been, I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m not that interesting or fun to be with, in comparison to them. Or that they will always be the ideal person others choose to befriend/hang out with because of how fun they do tend to be.

---

Now, of course, I’m not saying introverts can’t be fun/funny, or interesting, there are plenty that are. It’s just been a personal insecurity for me. I think largely because I’m quite a serious person and don’t feel like I’m all that witty or humorous, that I’ve felt like maybe people feel they can’t joke with me or that they can’t let loose in the same way they may with others. 😅

---

And I mean, how true is that? I would say not at all. Especially not in regards to the people I surround myself with now. No one has ever made mention of it, at least, and I don’t get the impression anyone feels that way about me. ☺️ But comparison is something I try really hard not to do too much of nowadays. I can only be myself after all, right? So why not embrace that person? 🤷🏼‍♀️😁

View more