dear buttercup, how does your relationship work? anytime i try an open relationship, one of us ends up getting feelings for someone else from the side or jealous or something else. maybe it's just always been the wrong person, but it never lasts longs once we open it up. tips? xoxo confused in love

i dont view relationships as mechanical currently, so re 'how does it work', it doesnt, i think navigating the social pressure placed on ppl to perform gender/leadership/career roles sets a clearer gage for if something's 'working' or not bc its set in a big enough system that the elements can be discerned or deduced.
trying to measure how compatible two ppl are with regard to maintaining primary interest in each other seems impossible to me, the person i wld most likely be willing to endure into old age wld probably nvr be willing to date me & the kind of relationship id like ideally seems v different from what sun fox & i are engaged in
instead i view our relationship as a support structure &, on my part, a commitment to openness i maybe wldnt maintain as readily w someone else, if i became interested in someone longterm romantically who wasnt sun fox, sun fox wld be the 1st person id tell
if sun fox calls me w a problem & my phone is on i plan to abandon w/e im doing bc ive given her that kind of authority over me & from her position she's chosen not to abuse it, which i value
shes told me abt ppl shes been interested in, ive told her abt other ppl ive been involved w since we started dating, & out of respect for her (rather than myself, who i dont care much for) i try to make healthy & emotionally sensitive decisions
i cant read sun fox's mind tho, if she decides the relationship is over, its over, i wont fight her, ill want to know why & be sure shes ok psychologically/emotionally, but i dont assume that theres a model for what were doing that will make it easy or not shitty
i just want to do what i can to be there for her as long as i dont feel like thats a burden on my health/wellbeing

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