Ask @chozenteens:

Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?

It depends on the situation really. Sometimes, yes, sometimes no. It's acceptable to cry when we're hurt. God gave us emotions and the means to express them. The bigger our heart, the more sensitive we are. But a big heart is a strength. It matters more what you do after you finish crying that will ultimately define it as a strength or weakness. Do you get back up? Do you keep going? Or do you stay down? Do you quit? Crying through the pain is sometimes necessary. But it can release our greatest inner strength too.

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I was born and raised in the Church and I am saved. I have been struggling with watching gay porn for some years now. On Watch Night Service I went to the alter got prayed for and I was speaking in tongues. I thought I was done but the desire has come back. I like girls but my thoughts are clouded.

If you believe that Jesus is Lord, and having accepted Him in your heart, the speaking of tongues is an outward expression of God living in you. However, that doesn't mean that the sinful desires of our past life disappear. In Romans 7:15, Paul says, "I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." He is a believer and follower of Christ, and yet he struggles. The bible goes on to mention that the struggles are a result of the sin living in him, as is in all of us. Read the rest in Romans 7:15-25. There are many pieces to understand this and recover from it, but know that deliverance from sin doesn't mean that the temptation goes away. Deliverance means you now have the power through Christ to say no, and walk away from it. You may even feel weak in your own attempts to deal with it, but that is also when God is strongest... In our weakness. Now there is a part that we have to play too. We have to walk very closely with God. That means being very mindful of conversations that we participate in, old friends we hang around, movies we watch and songs we listen to. Consuming the wrong things will feed desires like this that God wants us to walk away from. You are at war in your spirit from the moment you said no to the porn. So to get you to come back, the enemy will tempt you with old desires. You can only win this battle in the spirit, through prayer, worship and sometimes fasting, along with some practical things that we mentioned earlier. You're weak because your own strength won't work for this, you need God's strength. When the desires return, go to prayer. Partner with a friend, mentor, or minister whom you trust, that will pray with you and for you, but will also help you stay accountable during your weak moments. Remember, if you've accepted Jesus, He's living in you. You have the power now to say no. We love you and are praying for you.

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I like a guy and he a church boy and we talk all the time but I also like another guy but he more in the world fast life what should I do?

If you were to begin dating one of these guys, whom do you think Jesus would prefer you to be with? The church boy who's more like Jesus, hopefully, or the worldly boy that wants nothing to do with Jesus? It's really about Jesus, not about church. Because even worldly people go to church. The bible also tells us not to get caught up in relationships with people that are not like Jesus (2nd Corinthians 6:14). In this scenario that you described, that would be the worldly boy. Pray about this. You should be with a person that's going to bring you closer to Jesus and also help you be more like Jesus. Anyone or anything that doesn't (worldly), should not have such a close space in your life.

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Would it mess a relationship up to do bf/gf stuff (Hold hands, kiss/hug, intimacy) if the relationship isn't official?

It could. In general, those kinds of expressions are reserved particularly for committed relationships. When you haven't committed to someone "officially," and thereby not committing, you have also not set proper expectations, then it's very easy (and often case) for each person to have different expectations of boundaries and what to expect or not expect from the relationship. Our words matter and say a lot, but our actions are louder and say everything. When one person is expecting more or less than the other is, conflict is the result and you run the risk of ruining the friendship/relationship and losing that person. If you feel that you're ready to give those kinds of expressions, then it's time to discuss committing to that person. But if BOTH of you are not ready, then it's best to pump your brakes until you are ready to commit (on some level) to each other. That means both of you should be ready for a relationship, not one of you is ready and the other kinda, but feels forced in order to please the other—no, that usually leads to problems later. And if both of you are not ready, that's ok. You can really learn about someone and enjoy them during your friendship stage.

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I have a bf but deep inside me I kinda like girls so I pray but pretty girls always try to talk to me

It's great that you're praying about this and desiring to do the right thing. God honors when we choose Him above our own feelings. You don't always get to decide how you feel, but you do always get to decide what your response will be. There is a difference between what you're tempted by and what you give in to. You might be silently attracted to other females right now, but it only becomes a sin once you participate in it or meditate upon it (thinking about it a lot). Because the enemy wants you to sin, he's going to try and get you to think about it, and that also means sending girls your way that are struggling with the same thing that you are, in order to get you to give in. Again, it's not about what you feel, it's about your response and decision. This is not battle that can be won by simply saying no, you have to attack it in prayer. So keep praying. But make sure that your prayer is sincere, that you are praying for God to remove this taste from your appetite. Sometimes we're praying but secretly wanting the thing we're praying against. And God always knows the difference. Ask God for His presence. Ask Him to clean you up on the inside, your mind and heart. Ask Him to give you desires for His will and His will only. Next, check your surroundings. The bible tells us to deal with sexual temptation by running away from it. That means never purposely putting yourself in places or situations where you will encounter those kinds of things and people. If you find that you're always encountering these girls, ask yourself, should you be there in the first place? And if it's a place like school where there's no avoiding it, remove yourself from those crowds and conversations—just walk away and get away from it. Sometimes it's not always the place that's the problem, but the conversations we're having, the music and video that we're watching and feeding our spirits with. You have to be on full guard all of the time. But as you pull away, God will give you the strength and desire to turn away and not want those things. It's process, but God is able to do it.

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I am a Virgin and I am talking to this guy and I really like him and he understands that and he don't force me or nothing but I don't know how to control myself when we hang out what do I do ?

Above all else, you have to value yourself and the God in you enough to not want to compromise your virginity for a couple of minutes of physical pleasure. Your sexuality and purity is a gift from God, and you should want nothing more than to share that with your husband some day. But you have to want that more than you want him in that moment because it says everything about who you are. The bible says that a fruit of the Spirit is self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). This means that you simply need to ask God for His Spirit to dwell in you. And you feed His Spirit through the Word (bible). This is how you get stronger and learn self-control in situations that tempt you. The bible also says, specifically regarding sexual temptation, to run away from it (1st Corinthians 6:18). In other words, sexual temptation, unlike others, is so strong that it often can't be resisted like other temptations, and therefore, the bible tells us to simply not be around it because... we will give in at some point. Practically speaking, that means never putting yourself in a situation/place that you could be tempted, i.e. at home alone, in his/your room, a dark movie theater, car, secluded areas, etc. If you have not built up enough self-control, then it is best that you not be around him at all, or only be with him in public places and/or with people (friends) that will help you stay accountable to living God's way. You can even sneak gestures in public places, so it's not all about the place, but it helps, as well as who you have around you. This doesn't mean that you have to say goodbye to him, but you may need to distance yourself until you can get stronger and be around him without compromising your integrity. God values your integrity more than this or any relationship. So you have to decide what's more important and make adjustments so that you're not EVER caught up in a situation that you should've never been in. We're praying for you and love you!

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I like talking to a lot of guys do that make me a hoe

By definition, a whore is someone who is promiscuous (having or involving many sexual partners) and/or engages in sexual acts for money. Usually, "talking" to someone doesn't come up under this category. You are free to talk to and have as many friends, whether they be male or female, as you wish. It's the level to which you take those relationships and how the two involved parties define the relationship. You should never be in more than one relationship at a time nor should you jump from one relationship to the next in an unhealthy way. Always keep in mind to "do unto others as you would want others to do unto you." Never expect or require anything of anyone, that you yourself wouldn't be willing to do. If it's agreed upon that you and another male have an established friendship, then let it be just that, and carry yourself accordingly. Don't attempt to gas up a simple situation and make it complicated. A short conversation, a "hey, how are you doing?", or casual outing are appropriate ways to engage. As long as you carry yourself as such, act like a godly young lady, and think like a young godly lady, then the respect from your peers will follow.

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I like guys but some times I fall for girls I know it's wrong but idk what to do

First, understand that there is a difference between what you're tempted by and what you give in to. Although this attraction is tempting, it only becomes sin once you participate in it or meditate upon it. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 26:41 that it's easy to fall for something even when we know it's wrong and even when we want the right thing. Our flesh is weak and of this world. And so that's why God calls us to use our strength and weapons beyond this world. You can't change what you're drawn to, but you can always decide what your response will be. This kind of battle can't be fought simply by saying no. You have to attack it in prayer and be mindful of when you are in situations that you shouldn't be. Conversations that you shouldn't be a part of, music or movies that feed those desires. What you feed gets stronger. What you cut off, dies. In time, God can remove these desires but only when we continually give them to Him in prayer. It's not a one time prayer, but every day.

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I have really been trying to date guys but I cant Im attracted to women. how can something so wrong feel so right. Im in love with a girl. am I wrong for feeling this way?? God still loves me??

Yes, God still loves you and always will! Nothing you've done or could ever do will change His love for you. But, just because God loves you, and He does, doesn't mean that He always loves what you do and how you live your life. And that's to each of us, not just you. You're not wrong for feeling the way that you feel. In fact, you likely have no control over the feelings that you're experiencing, they're just there. Remember this, God doesn't judge us based upon what we "feel," He judges us based upon how we respond, that is, our actions. No matter what we "feel," we always have a choice. We have a choice to do what's right by God's standard. Not our parents, not our church or Pastor, but by God's standard. The bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:9 that the heart is deceitful and that it cannot be trusted. We can want some things that aren't good for us. That's why wrong things can feel right. This is why God has given us a standard to live by because without it, we would live and act according to how we feel, which changes from day to day and even hour to hour. Dating guys isn't necessarily an antidote to not being attracted to women. This attraction is like any other temptation—it is there by design to make you sin. So now, what will your response be? There's much more to this because it's not a simple issue. We'll be praying for you still and if you'd like to continue discussing this further, or even receiving some counseling to help recover from this, let us know! We love you and we're standing with you.

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I like having having sex with guys but I Am now starting to like having sex with girls I know this is wrong what do I do

The bible tells us to run away from sexual temptation/sin (1 Corinthians 6:18). This is different than just resisting because this type of sin is perhaps the strongest and most pervasive you'll ever encounter. The problem with this kind of sin is that it spreads like a cancer. What was once satisfying you is not enough anymore, and now you need more and something different to continue to satisfy you. Sex was designed for marriage and anything outside of that becomes perverted, regardless if it's straight or gay. To start, you'll need to separate yourself from those people and environments that will cause you to give in and sin. You can't hang around old places and behaviors and expect the change you want to see. Ask God (prayer) to deliver you from this stronghold and to change your desires from this appetite. When you spend more time with Him and in His Presence, saying no becomes a lot easier. Find a leader that you can trust who will hold you accountable to living a sex free (before marriage) lifestyle. It's great that you have a desire to change. We're praying and are here for you, always!

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how do you tell someone that you talk heavy with that you don't want to talk to them anymore without being mean or hurting their feelings?

Ultimately, you tell them the truth. It may not be received well, but a lie will always hurt far worse. No matter how you say it, you cannot ultimately control how they receive it, which means that you cannot guarantee that their feelings won't be hurt in the process. If they're mature or do eventually mature, they appreciate your honesty. For starters, you can begin to back off from them a bit (spend less time). Change the tone and nature of your conversations, what you're talking about. If you want them to be in the friend zone, you have to have friend zone conversations. Don't mix and match. Mature people can usually pick up on these changes and adjust to the flow if it's not too sudden. But be careful of assuming that they totally understand why your spending less time with them, especially if you want to keep them as a friend. Sometimes people don't get it or your intentions and the feeling is not mutual. You don't want to burn bridges, but you should begin setting new boundaries and it's always best to clearly communicate that upfront. Be nice about it and if this is a relationship that you want to keep as a friendship, clearly communicate that upfront so that the expectations are set and there are no hard feelings (as best as you can do).

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I want to have sex with this guy but I know it's wrong what do I do

You trust your instincts, in this case, God's Spirit leading you, NOT to do what your flesh wants you to do. We all face temptations, that's normal and expected. And we have to make those critical decisions of whether or not we will give in, each time. The strong stand by their convictions and the weak don't. Ask God to give you the boldness and strength to turn away. Sexual temptation is perhaps the strongest temptation you will ever encounter. And because of this, the bible warns us not to resist, but to get away from it completely (1st Corinthians 6:18). Don't think you're strong enough to just resist, but make a conscious effort to never put yourself into a possible situation that would allow this to happen. Focus your mind on good things, things that are pure, lovely, and admirable (Philippians 4:8). You can't allow your mind to continue to entertain this temptation, these feelings and thoughts and expect them to go away.

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I need to get over my ex! he has moved on but for some reason I can't and I don't know why but like I been praying so hard and it seems like everything has been getting worst by the minute! I do I let this go please help!!!

Although sometimes we say what we want on the outside, what we're really saying or wanting on the inside is far different. This can render our prayers ineffective when we're really secretly hoping for something on the inside that doesn't line up with what God wants, despite what we say and how we act outwardly. God sees our heart and always knows our true intention and motive. To move on first starts with really, really, wanting to move on, inwardly as well as outwardly—to want it more than you still want to be with that person. Philippians 3:12-14 reminds us that in order to move forward, we can't keep looking back, reminiscing over what was. Your mind has to have a picture of the future or it will continue to repeat the past. Envision yourself moving on, enjoying your life, and really embracing this next season and all that it has for you. Ask God in your prayers to help you to let go of what once was and to deliver you from any part of yourself that's still holding on, secretly, knowingly and unknowingly. Ask for the strength and courage to release it, to forgive, and a new mind to focus forward.

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