Dan Kim

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What would you do if you were to wake up one day and you are on big egg?

Die, probably.
The Templar wouldn't recognize me as one of their own. The himehorns eat me alive and it's highly unlikely I'd be able to survive the long journey to Enna's Domain without ending up as Vampire food or just freezing to death.
if I were very lucky I might stumble across a traveller's shrine from the old days, make some offerings to get some gear and hopefully (if I happen to have some of my old video games with me) get the attention of someone who works the secret shop ... from there it's a matter of negotiating a reasonable price for passage through the secret shop network. After that, I'd camp out in the secret shop lobby and see if I can somehow find a way to hitch a ride back home...
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Then I would send my apostle to collect offerings. // What if there are no offering then?

Then the herd would suffer the curse of a greatest cakewitch!
A haremhorn's first bite of squid is going to taste a little sour once!
A hornmother is going to sneeze at night... kinda loudly! Twice!!
A musclehorn is going to have a yucky bug fly into her mouth and it'll only be a little tasty...!!!

Whats your take on marriage?

A gamble!
Odds are good that she's going to take the kids (really HER kids, of course), your stuff, and you'll be paying for her house while she tries to pull in a higher status sucker and turns your a cutest little cakes against you by feeding them them lies about what terrible person you are. I've seen it happen more than a few times around me.
Of course, sometimes it goes well... but that takes a lot of work and luck and I'm not up to the work and I'm not that lucky.

Wait, can girls be Chads, too? Is Chad a metaphor for the weeb condition?

No, those are STACIES.
Stacy is the ruthless conniving bitch with perfect skin and instagram model boobs who steals your man and then sends him crawling back to you but with an itch you can never scratch. Even all your common hobbies and shared moments/history will never be enough to overcome the venom she's injected into your prince charming.

If Chad only wants the best for your a cutest, wouldn't she take Nyannyan to a good home and find her a nice nyannyan to nyan with?

Chad is wise as well as huge. He knows that his hydration is in danger is he faces a nyannyan. For the sake of his water content he will steer clear of a cutest queer.


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