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Dan Kim

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3/? She stopped being snarky to me when I showed her my horns and me can ruin her whole garden real quick and she might not be able to stop me if I do. So she turned business like and we started to hash out a pause in hostility for now between us.

Interesting...

2/? I wish you could see it. I was on one side of a table with my musclehorns behind me in MiB like suits and shades (with cupcake and @muscle_Horn ) and Algis on the other side of the table with Templars behind her. Stock still just waiting for the signal to start a fight.

Impressive!
I'm surprised she didn't turn your horns into fertilizer right away. She must have something planned...

Defectivehorn Apostle here, I have returned and what a trip it was. Algis was indeed honest about the invite to me. She was snarky and condensing to me at first. Probably that I am an Apostle and not a witch like her. 1/?

Hello, Defective Horn Apostle!
Thank you as always for your reports. I always look forward to them. I'm terribly sorry that I have not been prompt about answering... I always feel that I'm too tired to write a proper response. Maybe I just need the right environment. Currently I am from a Greatest Cake Witch's drawing table, and it's not really set up for typing. The mere physical discomfort of writing may be a substantial contributing factor.
In any case, I'm not surprised at all that the Great Witch Algis is like this. She's always like this after a nap, and it's always "after a nap" with her.

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5/5 If you don't hear from me in a month, send a rescue party please. This will be the longest trip I have taken in ages, I just wished I could take my whole family and herd with me, but it seems I can't. Wish me luck.

Be strong, defectivehorn apostle! Your herds are counting on you!!

4/? If Algis refuse to let my Musclehorns in, this might be a short trip. I am heading out tomorrow Aug 24, and I think this trip will take me two weeks or so. Until then I won't be able to make reports to you until I return.

It is almost time for another report.... I look forward to good news.

4/? Considering I am getting cupcake away from her recent romance problems, I would think this can help take her mind off of things. The Musclehorns, and @muscle_Horn will be my bodyguards, in case things go bad and we have to fight our way out.

Perhaps you could use her romantic interest on the front lines. Make sure you arm him very lightly and tell him to taunt the templars.

3/? I am not going to bring my family with me, my kids are going to school and my wife can take care of my infant son. But I will take Cupcake and a squad of the best Musclehorn troops I have with their handlers.

: T
Be careful, defectivehorn apostle!!

2/? After several of her Templars attacking my herds, I don't think well of her and her field of control. Yet I think she is either trying to make peace with me, or bait me into a trap. I am not sure which. Yet I can dismiss this off hand.

To think the children of the garden could make their way through the caves...!!
The southern witch apostle has been slacking. Then again, even SHE cannot be everywhere at once. Perhaps the Southern Witch's domain has shifted again, allowing certain passages to be crossed by the templar.

Defectivehorn Apostle here, I'm frequently surprised many small things my family, my horns and my life brings me day to day. Today I am surprised that of all people Algis sends me a letter inviting me to her court/garden. 1/?

Hello, Defectivehorn Apostle!
Thank you for always taking the time to send me your Records. I always look forward to reading them.
This is a shocking development. The Great Witch Algis was supposed to return once the fruit of her garden filled the hills and valleys of Big Eggs with delicious melons.
Perhaps your Algis is one from the distant past? After all, Big Eggs should not exist in your time, even if the witch caves connect to Big Egg... ... and past and future mean nothing to Great Witches in any case...
Truly, Witches are strange beings. That is to say: WITCHES ARE WEIRD

3/? I found out that she wasn't dumped, but got "Friend zoned" by her crush while he started dating another girl. She isn't taking it well. I myself can't help her too much right now, but my wife is giving it a try. I'll just go bake something nice for her now.

REEEE
Take your revenge, my a cutest! Leave means chirps and idontliekits on their instasnaps!

2/? It did. she showed me a pic on her smart phone of her, him, and another young lady I didn't recognize. The other two appeared happy, while she wasn't as much in that photo. It took me awhile to probe more information from her while the horns tried to feed her snacks.

You can fill your belly but never your heart. Lern it rite, my a cutest!!

Defectivehorn Apostle here. I came home to find Cupcake sprawled out on the couch and almost unresponsive, even with a number of horns around her in a state of worry and concern. Physically she was fine, so I attempted to ask her if this involved her current crush. 1/?

It's called a crush because that's what will happen to your heart. I warned you, my a cutest... only cakes and rechirps will never betray you.

5/5 Mort testing and science work needs to be done to confirm this theory of mine. But at least I have started a new herd tree on earth! The horns are in shock for nearly most of them never seen a real herd tree in their life.

A herdtree takes ages to grow... but a herd lasts for ages as well. Someday your defectiveherd's descendants might enjoy living in a massive herdtree like the horns of the old records! ;w;

4/? Also this would prove why the herd trees don't do so well here on Earth. The horns just haven't been here long enough in mass to spread that element to give the trees a foot hold with. So other than that cave moss, we have another new plant that can live on Earth.

THE TIME HAS COME

3/? I suspect the horn's digestive track holds an enzyme that makes a key element that the Herd trees need to grow well in environments it would be hard to grow in other wise. The horn's home world soil is likely packed to the brim with this element.

Interesting. The herdtree's roots often reach deep into the herd's fields where their dead are buried as well. The herd and the herdtrees really are one big herd.

2/? So I did an experiment and planted a herd tree seed in a pot loaded with fertilizer made from my horns night soil that had mulched down into dirt. Low and behold the seed sprouted in a matter of days with proper watering.

It makes sense. The herdtrees and the herd have grown together long before the earliest herd records.

Defectivehorn Apostle here, You said a while ago that Herd Trees grow best around horns. So I thought about it and realized you might be more right than anyone realized. Why herd trees don't grow well here on earth is they NEED the horns to grow well. 1/?

A happy herd makes for a happy herdtree! A happy herdtree makes a happy herd!

5/5 So there are some more golden hairs that came from earth and remember it somewhat. I better prepare for them. anyway, she turned to ashes and I gave her a proper burial. The world thought of her long dead but at least now she is at rest.

Rest in peace, wronggoldenhair.

4/? she and a group of others fled into the witch caves to hide. They soon found themselves over on the Himehorn's home world. Another golden hair found them and turned them into vampires as well. They had been looking for their way back ever since.

At least she was able to make it back. ;~;

3/? She and a group of others was originally from earth! Back in the late 1600's she was one of a group of settlers who tried to set up a farmstead here where I live at. But a war band of hostile Indians cased them from their home.

I see! So she is different from the goldenhairs from Big Egg after all -- at least those that came along with the dark and cold.

2/? Not as fast as that incident in that Indiana Jones movie, but still rather quick. So if the person is over 100 years old, they will die. This one was over 400 years old. At least that is what I think is happening. But I was able to talk to her before she passed.

Hm, I see...

Defectivehorn Apostle here, I have some good news and bad news. Remember that Golden hair vampire we captured? Looks like I can cure that type of vampireism. The down side is that The cured person age catches up with them very quickly. 1/?

Hello, Defectivehorn Apostle!
Amazing... on Big Egg a wild branch can never become good again. It must be PRUNED. Perhaps the goldenhairs in your world are different? Or perhaps travelling through the witch caves has altered them?

5/5 btw, Cupcake and my kids have gotten the Musclehorns to be their piggy back carriers because they can run so fast. Who needs bikes when you have Musclehorns who need exercise!

I want a musclehorn to turn me into a puddle.
Just let me die!!

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