So..What can I say. The past few days Jesse and I have been speaking, sexting, flirting and doing pretty much all the couple shit without actually being a couple. So, how is she feeling now that she seem's more into me? The exact same. I gave that bitch a dose of reality after she kept asking me was wrong because naturally, I started getting jealous. And yet again, she hit back with "but I'm married.." So in short, despite everything we've been going through, she means just fuk buddies. That includes fukn over her stupid ass husband. I was trying to let her know the truth, but then she was like "Sorry, I won't bother you anymore." She blocked me, unfriended me on Snapchat and made a big deal about unmatching her on Tinder. Stupif fuckkn cunt. The worst part is, I put my self into this shit because it turns out, getting nudes from a girl who doesn't want anything else but FWB is a lot better than being completely alone and still stuck on your ex. I made fool out of myself and I told her if we could still continue talking through one of my other SC accounts. She spoke to me through text but things may not be the same because, like I said, I git her with that truth..but anyways, I'm more salty over the fact that she didn't send me enough nudes like she said she was gunna. Because frankly, fuk it. If she wants a fuk buddie, then that's what she's going to get. No more emotionally invested conversations, no more intimate affection, if it can give me back those nudes and more, I'm done with her. I'm tired of my heart getting broken and I'm tired of feeling like this, but it's hard. I just need anything and anyone to get me through Ashley. Fuck it, she wants to be a whore and cuck stupid ass husband is completely blind, than so be it.

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So you remember that Jessi girlI was talking to? Well, I keep continue to talk to her Lol At first, I was like, nah, we don't want the same things. But now, It's clear that we don't want the same things. Through out the day she's been snapping me. It all started when I uploaded a photo because I was feeling myself, then she commented heart eyes on it. Naturally, I was thrilled because it's been so long since an attractive girl genuinely complimented me. So I bit, and we started flirting back and fourth. Then she was telling me that she was dying her and she wanted to show me. So she sent a vid..topless. Twas nice, but then she wanted to rant about something and so she called me. Pretty much, she explained how she was planning on seeing some dude on Sunday and how he was starting to frustrate her. She went about screen shoting his photo's and he freaked out, then he ignored her and than she explained how it was too much trouble dealing with some ugly dude..than she tried to justify that she wasn't a slut just because she sent him nudes he screenshoted..but that's exactly what she is. She's not the girl I'm looking for. She's not the girl my heart needs right now. I don't listen to my dick, I listen to my better judgment and it tells me that this girl is a mess. I shouldn't be involved with women like this, but yet, here I am. Why? I assume it's the attention. I thought about the possibility that perhaps she likes me a lot more than she wants to tell me and perhaps I have real relationship potential. But bluntly, the girls pretty much a whore and I need to open my eyes. I didn't win out this time, no. I was drawn in by attention and I'm not giving it out anymore. Though we a re sharing the same loneliness, we don't share the same morals. It's toxic for me and I need to see that. No matter how attractive she is, or how lonely I am, I don't need this in my life. It's a lonely road a head of me, but I'd rather that than live this bull shit. Peace.

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So Ashley texted me out of the blue today talking about a haunted place in SL. SecondLife is pretty much a game where a bunch of jobless adults who hit rock bottom go to escape their everyday shit lives, and so, thus, spawned Ashley. Now, I've been following her main account (Some trashy persona she developed) and today she invited me to hang out with her newly developed one. I asked about her main account and she didn't want me to have it cuz she was "starting all over"(Hence: My second one is filled with all the guys I fuck around with and is really slutty and I don't want you to know about it) Anyways, I was stoked when she texted as It meant she genuinely thought of me, but the truth is, she's still not talking to me. So I'm convinced she was bored and wanted to fuk around with an ex, or was very lonely and wanted to share something with someone with similar interest (Me) Either way, I don't think she means nothing more than boredom or loneliness. After everything we've been through, I can't believe she'd think I could stand next to all of this and condone it like a friend. That's what hurts the most. And she's still not being honest. I asked why she keeps the other one? And she responded "because I put a lot of money in this one and time" All she had to say was she flirts and is for finding guys and I would've completely understood. But no, that's not Ashley. For what ever reason she chooses to keep me in the dark about everything. Always has and always will.

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Matched with two gorgeous girls earlier. Now, that makes my tally up to, like, 4 girls I've matched with the past week who've been more than attractive to me. Anyways, they are both HOT, and yes, they are real, I checked (Level 100 Stalker here) LOL
But, yet again, they've yet to respond. Knowing my statistics with pretty girls, they are either going to unmatch me by the morning or never speak to me. Anyways, I don't have my hopes up because they both can do better than me. I'm not being a negative person, but it's probably true. These girls honestly have a ton of guys to chose through, why me? My personality doesn't seem to win over anything to be honest. But hey, I will admit that I'm still speaking to Jessi (the married girl) NGL she's hot, too, but married. I'm looking for a relationship while she's looking to cuck out her hubby. She want a FWB and I'm not gunna lie, I feel my self slipping into that. I'm lonely. I want some kind of affection and she gives it to me

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Turns out, the girl I was really into actually isn't really into me. It's been a whole day and she didn't text me. I figure she was just lonely and needed someone to talk to. I deleted her number. Next was a girl I met last night. She was cute, weird and only a mile away. She unmatched me this morning. As for the Jesica girl? Still hasn't responded. I matched with another cute girl today! She's hot! But she hasn't responded to me, so I'm guessing she'll unmatch me by the morning. As for Jessi? She ruined things by talking about her 'hubby' We're nothing more than friends. There was also some cute fat chick I matched with and spoke to but she doesn't exactly seem interested in me. We talked for an instance, but that was all. Looks like the same shit for me. No luck. I'm seriously starting to think about Ashley again, and I don't want to. This was suppose to work out. One of these girls should of liked me more than friends. But I guess not. Turns out, the best match for me for the rest of my life didn't even want me. What makes these girls different. Ashley was really into me, and these girls cant even respond. No one wants me. I need to accept that now.

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So, after about a week of mass swiping on tinder (That's where I swipe right on every girl for as long as I can) I finally got some suitable matches! There's this one girl, who's cute and we hit it off well! Got her number and we've been texting for two days now. Shit load in common, and everything! However, there's always a down side. Yesterday, I found out she's still on about her Ex. She was upset when he didn't wish her happy birthday. I consolidated her and said everything will be fine. Since, things have been okay, but I can't help but feel she ins't that in to me. Plus, I don't know what her body yet loos like. That's always scary. Next, I matched with a cute girl named Jesica! She's perfect! Well, physically at least. I spoke to her once and she's only responded once. Things don't look very great, but she hasn't deleted me yet, so maybe there's still hope. And just today I matched with another cute girl! Everything seems okay and I even have her snapchat! Tho it was posted throughout her bio included with "I'm in an open relationship" warning. She's really cute, but she could just be sleazy. I don't yet, because usually, when a girl says she's in an open relationship it tends to mean two things. One, my boy friend can't satisfy me like I want and I'm looking for the next best thing to branch off to, but until then he's a package deal until you convince me otherwise. Or Two, Shit's difficult right now, we aren't dating but we live together so there's that and we are both looking to move on. Now, you see, I can understand that, however, not the first. Also, did I mention Jesica and this girl both have like, 7 kids together? JFC, that's a lot to deal with, but I mean, what other options do I really have? As long as we get on and there isn't baby daddy issues, I couldn't care less. I'm really hoping things work out with the first girl I'm speaking to because she's kidless, my age and great. I'm just hoping I like what I see.

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Actually, yes..sadly, yes. Depression, heart break, all have been an inspiration to open my eyes towards a shallower world. My writings, drawing are all a testament towards loss. Anyways, I finally matched with three cute girls in the past two days! I messaged all three of them and only one responded. True, she may not be the first one I wanted to chose Lol but I do think she's cute and we are getting along perfectly! But still, one of the other girl was gorgeous but she got two kids that are like, 12. Anyways, we are actually bonding and things look good, mane. Now, the only problem is she lives about 206mls away! But still, it's a nice change for once! I finally have been answered! Even if we just speak on the phone that's good enough for me. However, I haven't seen her full body and I'm hoping she's not unfuckable! No offence, but just saying. Hell, when I first met Ashley, I didn't like her body until we met, but I actually do think Ashley is prettier..but than again, I wasn't real attracted to her at first. Anyways, I'm going to take this and go with it. I hope for the best and yes, I'm finally glad to have met someone to get my mind off Ashley!

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So once again I've been rejected by another fat bitch. The other week I got a like on Tinder and so I scoped the selection out swipe, by swipe because it's not often I get a like (Yes, the photos for your potential match is quite blurry, but you have no idea what a desperate man is able to decipher when he's lonely) So we match and I give it about two hours, nothing. Then I hit her with a "Hello, what's up!? :)" Generic, boring, I know, but who cares? Anything works if she's into you. (TBH I was not into her at first site. Just, not my type, but she seemed cool and I felt hat maybe if I stop being picky, I'll actually find a good girl. So I swiped on this gelatinous, 5'9 too tall for me bronie) Anyway, it didn't take her long to respond with "nm hbu?" to where I replied "Nothing much, just watching a movie and having dinner." Then things went silent. Skip a head three days and I replied to her again, to where I got another short answer. And again, skip a head about a week from there and I asked about her day. No response. Said Hey two days later, still no response. So then today I saw she uploaded a new photo (indicating she's still very much active) but didn't respond to me. I mean, I don't need no clearer sign to see she's obviously ignoring me. So I unmatched the chubby food chaser immediately. Same shit happened with another fat bitch before her. Seriously,the other bitch looked like a behemoth, but she unmatched me from nothing..smh This just comes to show you fellas that personality doesn't matter. You can be obese and evidently still picky. Ugly on the outside and ugly on the inside. Wow. Like, honestly, what men are they matching with men to deny me? Doubt they matching at all, but I still get rejected. Some advice for you followers out there. Don't settle. Fuck these fat bitches and their fat issues. Waste your time on girls you actually fancy and never lower your standards because there is trash down here as well.

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If you haven't seen Disney's The Princess Diaries yet then I suggest you not bother as I'm going to summarize the 2018 version for you. Pretty much, a dorky, four eyed socially inept, messy clothed band geek high school outcast discovers she's secretly a princess when a royal queen visits the city on her 18th birthday. This queen breaks the news and she can't believe it. She gets a make over, the whole "I am secretly beautiful underneath all this ugly NATURAL personality!" She then becomes the most popular girl in school, hell the whole city as she transforms from "Ugly Betty" to Princess Stacy. Through this whole time she's had a crush on the same guy who wouldn't give her the time of day before, but now that she's Disney Princess material, Ol' dude wanna hit it. But Mia, being the kind, self preserved dignified Disney wants her to be keeps her morality through this whole experience. Proving that a princess isn't what's on the outside but what's on the inside and thus, realizing she needs a prince in the same way. And low and behold, wudda you know, prince charming has been underneath her nose the whole time! So they finally get together. The end. Wow, it's inspiring! The guy who admired her before her whole 'transformation" was the right choice all along!...Hang on tho, we in 2018..so how does a present day Mia hold up? Well, exactly the same! Only this time Mia gains super self centered issues and body confidence when being validated by plenty of thirsty fuck boi''s ultimately inflating her ego large enough to block out the "ugly losers" who lack body/height/looks when trying to get to know her ♥ Lol So a while back I made a fake Tinder and I matched with this really sweet girl..Well, she looked and seemed that way judging from her bio, Facebook and Insta. She was definitely the nerdy, shy book warm type (she even kept informing me about random facts of science, biology, anything!) She definitely didn't look like or sound like the type to put up with my Fuk Boi Frankenstein's shit, and so I put her to the test! Turns out, she had a better chance in passing an entry level exam from Harvard with just her name on the paper than refuse Dylan's sexual advances. I ignored all her interest and went straight to sexual objectifying her and didn't stop. I made lewd comments, blunt remarks about her body and what I intended to do with it. I made no attempt to seem romantically involved in her and instead gave a disapproved comment about "Oh, please tell me you have an ass to go with that body?" Where she validated me "Oh, I haven't done enough squats just yet!" Anyways, I didn't get to save all of our conversation as she deleted me eventually (I came off really stalkerish Lol) but it's shit knowing that this girl would rather pass me up and a whole lot of others just to be validated by this Fuck boi. Supposedly, these are the good one's, right? The "Mia's" of the world if ya will, yet their legs are wide open after 20 minutes with a fukboi on Tinder. smh

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WTF? Is it, tho? Na, I'll relax once these picky, superficial women start learning their lesson and play fucking fair. JFC, so I matched with a girl just last night. She was cute NOT HOT. Top heavy, skinny, skinny legs. No ass and a bit chubby. She had had nice boobs tho, but who cares if that's all you got going for you sexually? Anyways, she fit my league exactly. Confident enough to take selfies, but insecure enough to let everyone know she has appearance issues. She was reserved, shy and weird. And she lives in my neighborhood! It seemed like fate calling, though she preferred to have put the phone on hold, it seems. So, It took me about an hour to think of and confidently open up with an intro. I mean, I really liked this one. I finally thought I had a break. Then I sent it to only realize that it would't make much sense as it was pertaining to her bio..She changed it after I sent it..coincidence? I don't know. So I went to sleep, walking up every now and then to see if she'd replied. Nothing. When I finally awoke, I went through her profile and low and behold, she changed it yet again too "yatta-yatta, etc. IF you're looking to hook up just be honest about it." Bleh, typical. looks as though her true intentions where seeping out. First off, I'm not on tinder for hook ups or any other sort of falsely guilty implication. Second, I'm not on tinder to be an option or back up. It was evidence enough that she was either keeping on wait, or seriously couldn't be bothered to message me back. I was already dealing with the same issues with another match. I put out a long, hilarious intro pertaining to her bio as she said "don't bother with just hey, or any other variant of the word" and so I didn't. I was unique and tried to be funny, yet here I am 6 days later..no reply. I know she's been on because she matched and then rejected my fake profile. Lol so what's going on...? Ah, I think I think I see it now. Could it be that they are searching for something better, while keeping me as back up? Lol bitches. I'm sorry, but you fuckers can tell me It's my attitude, or it's shit like the fake profile as to why I'm getting rejected but absolutely not. It's shit like that is why I'm seeing the truth. Girls are just as shitty. What's the difference? Pretending to be someone else, or pretending to anything else to not speak to you. At least I have the decency to not get involved with anything, or anyone, yet I'm here, excited for an opportunity and for what? Just to be put on reserved until who knows how long. I don't feel because they don't. I know not every women is like this, but damn, I'm fed up. Its hard enough for me to get a match. I'm just sick of these girls playing games with me. You think the next is going to be something special and them some will just pull the rug on ya. So forgive me for taking action. Forgive me for protecting my self in searching for the truth.But we don't have to trample over each other searching for the same thing.

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So long story short, I wanted to see how easy it was to fuck girls when you're hot. Pretty much, it was sort of simple. We talked about nothing really and I suggested we come back to my place (Heavily implying sex) Most girls said they would like to get to know me first. Others based it off of our first impression in meeting. But every single one of these girls were down to fuk. Not like it's a surprise, as they swiped right for a reason, but genuinely how EASY it was to get them to admit that there would be sex. That was pretty staggering information. I mean, of course people are going to assume sex comes with a relationship, but to have these girls openly admit it to a stranger? Humiliating. Yet, despite the lack of interest in personality of each girl I showed, they weren't phased at all by my brash, perverse antics. Some even encouraged it. I communicated with girls of all type, and 90% let me talk to them the way I wanted. I was only umnatched twice. I'm thinking because I genuinely scared them unintentionally Lol There was even a reserved girl who still submitted to this guys intentions. It's funny, really. There were even girls under Dylan's league (Girls I considered to be in mine compared as to looks, status, etc.) who are naturally aiming for these type of men. It's alarming, and saddening to think that these are the girl I idolize as wife material, and they much rather indulge into sexual confirmations, flattery and approval from an attractive male, rather something meaningful and building. Shocking, not one girl, not ONE had the dignitary or moral authority to unmatch or frown Dylan's behavior.

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I don't know. One thing I am scared of is not being able to find my true love. Yeah, it is something I've fantasized about since 11 years old. I wanted to marry my first girlfriend at 15 Lol Though, she was a complete slut, I didn't understand that at the time. People said, "Hey, aren't you glad you never got married? Way too young and dumb to have worked out." and to that I say, yeah, I'm thankful for the experience, but I don't think there's such a thing as a soul mate. I believe in perfect matches. I believe that there are multiple women out there in life that will make you happy until death do you part. The problem is finding them. So, yeah, in theory, you could find her at 15 or at 23, they are out there. There are more than one person out there who want exactly what you want. It's ridiculous to believe there's one specific person. You go on believing that, you're going to pass Cinderella up multiple times. The goal is to find one and stay committed. That is the dream ♥ Yup, it's harder than it sounds, though. Throughout life you will come in contact with more of YOUR perfect matches than the other. A rule of thumb to follow is, just because she's perfect for you doesn't mean you're perfect for her. We all have our preference and it's not right to judge or despise the other for believing different. Yeah, it hurts, but that's life. We all have preferences and it doesn't make us all shallow because news flash, everybody on this earth has a set of dating standards. One of my experiences with this was in High School. I had the biggest crush on one my friends, friends from the moment I first saw her walk in class. She was slender, pretty, long dark wavy hair. Good sense of fashion, fitted clothes that accentuated her curvy body. Long, thick gorgeous brown legs. Wide hips, flattering booty, flat tummy, and small, cute breast. But the most alluring feature was her face. She had pretty, plump lips that she covered with dark, striking lip stick. There was always an infectious, gorgeous smile showing through her perfect teeth. Her big, dull, brown, puppy heart eyes where striking and could melt break the faithfullest of hearts. She had full eye brows, thick and bold, just like her cheeks; just like the designer glasses she wore. This girls presence was bold and she could stand out in a dark room. She spoke Spanish, she was funny and her voice was addictive. She was so hot, the hard, thuggish, keeps to himself black dude tried to hit on her Lol Anyways, That was her. Despite how I felt, and similar friends, we never spoke. She always ignored me, and choice to never inknowledge me despite being in some of her groups. She was nice to everyone else, but me Lol To this day I don't know why, but I had the biggest crush on her. I hatted her for so long, but that's just denial. I'd still run to her if she gave me the time Lol

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The ability to see past an age difference? Naw, jk. I bring it up because I've been lusting over one of my friends. You guys remember the friend from Twitter? Yeah, her Insta posts are getting damn good to where they are giving me a boner. Seriously, she's fucking absolutely attractive and I can't stand it. I know we are friends, and I know that it would be completely against the friend code to hit on her or show her any sign that I'm into her. Especially when she hasn't hinted any of the sort. Anyways, I understand the boundaries, but JFC, I can't keep lying to my self and others that I don't secretly undress her with my eyes or imagine sex scenarios cuz I do. Don't get me wrong, I don't and have never brought something like that up to her. This is a secret I will hold to my grave if I must and I shall always respect her as a friend first but ffs, I have thoughts. It's difficult because my feelings range from having a nice, hilarious back and fourth chat about out misfortunes and weekly battles to wanting to lie her face first onto her bed next to an open window on a cool rainy afternoon as I slam my cock in and out of her while the sweet music of ass slapping and bed squeaking echo over the drops of rain and sweet moans as she crosses her arms beneath a smile while I unload a toe curling, body buckling, soul releasing bucket of cum inside of her vagina. Then we cuddle ♥

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Probably my shitty ex. I'm honestly so exhausted with explaining everything about us but the other day I finally found out she was seeing other people. Stupid ass actually had a public open diary. Like, TF? Dumb ass. She claims how private and ashamed she is about certain past events, and behavior, yet here she is publicly documenting every time she makes out with a guy. It's a fucking shame thought it took now to realize that I was always messing with a toxic bitch, but she didn't have to promise the things she did. I've been through so much with her, including her daughter. That little girl loved me and I felt the same. She swept the fucking rug from beneath both of us and has demonstrated how selfish, reckless and self destructive she can be. I see now that she has not grown up one bit since her teen years. Despite all the problems we've gone through, I was always learning, and trying to improve our flaws for us. so where was she? Well, exactly where she is now as has always been. I despise her so much for giving that little girl and I a promising future and snatching it away. We are the only one's who are hurt.

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Neither, fuk you, ask. Anyways, I'm so fuking frustrated right now. I can not seem to match with any girls I'M into for any dating app I have. Seriously, I have Tinder, Match, Bumble, OkayCupid, meetme, Hot or Not, Clover..nothing. Quite honestly, it's rather sad that the odds have been beat lol The last girl I matched with and considered a relationship was with Ashley, but she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong, but I have matched with a couple of girls that sort of get on with me, like these two girls from Bumble. Honestly, I find one of them kinda attractive but we've nothing hugely in common and she doesn't speak to me often, rarely if any. The second girl I've already hung out with, but I'm in no way attractive to her. Now, I know I shouldn't be picky, but I have had girls in the past I was happy in dating and I just don't get the same feelings with this girl :/ I'm still stuck on Ashey tbh and I desperately want to meet a girl I fancy for once. I'm starting to believe that I'll never find a girl I'm both physically and emotionally attracted to. FFS!!? Its been two years with dating apps!? Is it honestly this difficult to find something that simple? I mean, I'm not a picky guy, if I think you're pretty and we get on, that's it! Why the fuk is it becoming this hard, mane? I have dated women in the past that I was both physically and emotionally attracted to. I'm not that bad looking tbh, Im avarage or just a tad bit over. Maybe its my height? FFS tho, I need someone to get me through this fucking year. I want love man

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I think I'm finally single, guys. Huh, like the ending of every great roller-coaster, my ride is over. Yeah, I think Ashley and I are finally done. Just last night I packed my shit after a nasty argument and left. I didn't really want to, but she pretty much kept insisting that she'd been trying to hint at me for the past two weeks it's been over. Well, I just quite never knew, or understood for that matter; but it is what it is. Anyways, I believe her reasons to be immature and without full evidence but a reason is a reason; it doesn't need to be great to describe you just don't want to be together. She never said she fell out of love but rather never given her self more of a chance to fall because of the road block of a Girl-friend of mine. It was because I looked at my exes Instagram and one of my friends Instagram's more than hers is why she fell distant. Which is fkn stupid if I may add. But she feels she'll always come last to these two girls and I've confided into them and that was a no-no, so she fell off cloud nine around that time. She believes I'll never trust her (I have a lot of reasons not to at times if I haven't explained it here already, tho) but because I got upset that as soon as I got near her Apple Watch she turned it over. Obviously indicating she didn't want me to see something popping up, I confronted her about stuff like this makes me paranoid and instead she throws a fit about trust. I always felt she should sit their and genuinely talk me through shit like that, but she rather get angry, which only leads me to believe I'm right. So we've been going through that a lot. Other than that, she's solely convinced I called her a terrible mother (Which I didn't) but she's butt hurt over the statement I gave to her when I got angry at her daughter for not giving my phone back "Yeah, like she doesn't get enough of that already." I stated that when she told her daughter "No, give that back to him, I don't want him to have a reason to be getting mad you." Which to me sounded like, "No, give him back the phone, he's really going to be getting mad over some petty ass shit infront of a little girl smh" That's what it sounded like to me. But anyways, once again, she believes what she wants. I never tried, or meant to say she's a horrible mother, but she ran with that instead, I guess. Other than that, she's still angry at me for talking shit to my brother about her. Lol yeah, I got caught saying, "OMG, bet she doesn't tell me shit for my birthday." Which I was caught red handed. So all in all, it's what ever now. I want to be with her, yeah, I seriously do love her and miss her, but I can't change the way she feels. So I'm sat here at my family's, waiting for her to get over all this shit and realize she's going to lose the best relationship in her life if she doesn't swallow her pride and just admit all this is honestly petty. But I'm begging, and I'm not fighting anymore. If she's done, then she's done. So be it.

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It's tough to say, really. There are so many moments in our lives when we experience anger, depression or happiness. We all have different ways of expressing our selves. Some write songs, others write letters and the one's with out anything to show shout and talk for hours with friends, to strangers or even to them selves. For me, depression, and heart break reach hit me the hardest......BUTT there's isn't nothing like a good old nostalgic, frustration fap 8)
Yup. Sadly, pathetically, masturbation does me the best results :'D When Hollie left me I sat there day in and day out, yanking it to the thought of getting that baby making on hahah. Strangely, it seemed to calm me down. It really helped me get over all the painful boners I had for her, imaging her having sex with another man. Unfortunately, this doesn't always seem the be the best method for moving on, as I my gf and I tend to do the same thing. 'Make up Sex' is what they call it. Even when times are hard, my dick is harder. I remember I ignored her for about a week and when she finally broke down and confronted me about it, all I had to say was "I want to bang you so bad" Previous to that day, I had been upset over an old condom I had found underneath her couch when I was cleaning her apartment. Truth be told, I couldn't stop thinking about nailing her, or how some hot fuking going on over that couch before me. Needless to say, she got angry at my advances and wasn't the least bit impressed. Sexual desire can ruin so much. Whether that be helping to move on for the future, or letting go of the past.

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"My commitment issues, and relationship insecurities are starting to get the best of me."
Hey guys, it's been a while since I've updated you all on my ever unhappy relationship. So, what has happen in the past month? Well, for starters, we broke up, like 3 times? Alright, the first was 3 Mondays ago, when we got into a fight about her phone(some things never change) Quick summary, she practically was trying to hide that she was talking to Steven from me. She turned her phone face down one afternoon while we were on the couch, and I thought it was a little suspicious..So I checked her phone while she was asleep. She woke up, got angry and insisted I take a look. She gave me her pass code and immediately got angry when I decided to actually go through her phone. She said we were through. So I called my dad and headed home. 5 days later, I finally decided to text her(Like, I didn't know what we were?) She seemed perfectly fine and assured me that we were most definitely not broken up; Things were perfect again...But then later that night she decided to start snapping a fake account I made on snap chat. Quick Summary: I made a fake account to try and see if she'd do something I wouldn't like behind my back, and to some extent, it worked. She was stupid to fall for a photo of my mate and was shitty enough to encourage him(My friends and I) that she was every bit as beautiful as Danny(Us, again) had hoped to be. Instead of talking to me for an hour, she spoke to this fake ass douch and deliberately sent him two photo's as soon as she got home...cuz some douch flirting, fake account she's known for 30 minutes said so..Sad really. Anyways, she eventually said she had a bf when he asked for a pic of her boobs(She still talked to Danny for an hour even afterwards..sad really) She didn't bite, said he was fuked!(No? It was cuz my gf had standards..right?) anyways, it made me feel somewhat better after realizing my gf give selfies out to randomers (sad really) Eventually, that night, she found out and broke it with me. I cried, and pleaded, like a bitch and she finally forgave me the next day (I mean, she was really at fault tho.) and from two Saturdays ago, I'm still here. We worked it out very well only for her to break it with me just 3 days ago after getting into an argument about my relevance in her family and friends circle. Her best cousin didn't even know I existed all these 5 months and it angered me to no sense. She got fed up and well, here we are three days later, finally talking again after last nights treatment of silence. ( I was upset over some crush I know she has at her second job. Like, why even bother putting him in your stories when none of your other coworkers haven't been either. She doesn't that I think that, tho.) Anyways, I even right now I feel like she's planning on doing something or talking to someone behind my back. It's just, I'm scared to leave and come back a week later with stuff I'll find snooping through her phone.

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Probably create a new ass hole, cuz my last one is tired of getting fucked over. Anyways, earlier today I had seen a fb message pop up while she was asleep. I was in the kitchen cooking, and she left her phone on the table. I know I should of asked for her phone code but I never did. Now, all she's gunna do if I ask now is nag over why I want it. Truth be, because I think she still has some low key flirting going on with one of her old mates. Earlier this year, I remember her giving me shit for talking to some random girl on twitter. I didn't even know the girl personally, she was just fun to talk to. Butt, she gave me shit about it and I decided to same the same shit about her GUY friends she constantly texts. I told her, "Don't act like you've nevver thought about a relationship with your mates." She told me, exactly, "EWWW! NO!? Never!" Well, truth be told about two months later, through google drive and shit I found out they already had a thing going on. It was like some on and off shit for a while that finally ended this year. Butt it ended only two months before this year..I think? Cuz I know she still had some old nudes sent like two weeks before meeting me. So you tell me how over them niggaz are? The other night we got into a fight and I confronted her about everything I knew. She tried extremely hard to hide anything from me until I had to bluntly spit it out. Then she goes, "Omg...that is so old.." Trying to write off two months as YEARS OLD. So we went through this whole breaking up process but I couldn't blame her for shit in the past and I let everything go. Though, I remember her trying hard to convince to stay with her like, "PLEASE! OMG, do you want me to stop talking to him? Because I will!" Anyways, I told her none of that was necessary..but she should have known I didn't want her to actually continue talking to them. So, about a week later and it feels like everything is better than awesome. Like, there isn't anymore secrets between us. But then, that message happen. The fucked up part is she showed me her txt message list, and I didn't see the guy I was concern with. So, yeah, I thought she finally decided to live seperate lives, right? Nah, she just decided to move to FB where only she has the password to. Now, any readers out there, you tell me if I should be worried? Would you? I mean, I give her the benefit of the doubt, she has convinced me on more than enough occasions that she loves me..but on the other hand this feels like some shaddy shit going on, ya feel me? Now, true, she has been loyal to me as far as I can see on her google drive. but pictures are just pictures she decided to save, not conversations. She said that she changed her FB because she didn't want me going through some OLD ASS shit about another guy, cuz all I'd do would get butt hurt. I don't really believe that. I believe she still has recent conversations with this guy, and I believe they still unintentionally flirt. Thats wat she didnt want me seen

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Mine...right after I got a hold of my gf's snap chat. So, today I managed to figure out her Instagram, snapchat and twitter password by changing her Microsoft account password. It was pretty easy, all I had to do was use her gmail (which I already know) to change it all. The best part about it all is she doesn't need the Microsoft password, but I needed it to show the hidden passwords in her browser settings. worked like a charm. I got em. The only thing now is I need her FB. She uses her FB more than anything else. I will say I went through all her other social media accounts and found nothing, but I won't be satisfied until I have her fb. I know she doesnt keep shit on her phone. Well, that is until I can get a hold of it one day. Anyways, the point I'm making is I'm starting to have some major feelings for her and I just wanna know ahead of time if she planning on doing me wrong.

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Sometimes I wonder if that's what I'm doing. Well, if you haven't heard the latest, I finally gotta gf! Well..sorta? We met on Tinder, like 3 weeks ago. There's is a lot of good things I want to talk about, but there is far more bad things, as well. To be honest, I'm not sure where it is I want to start. Sadly, all I seem to be thinking about is how we'll separate. The thing is, I like her. I like her more than like her, but I'm not falling for her. I think she's falling for me, but I just don't feel that way. She's the one serenading me in the car. She's the one sharing posts of falling in love and she's the one talking about years from now. I'm not even sure about the rest of the year. So why haven't I broke it with her then? Idk. She's honestly the best thing to happen to me in a very long time. I haven't been around some one who likes me this much since middle school. Am I using her? I don't know. Sometimes I think that. Do I like her? Yes. Do I like her very much to want to date? Yes. So what is it? Like all of us, we have flaws. To many, some worse than others. She doesn't have terrible flaws that keep me from wanting to be with her, but she does that keep me from falling in love. Call me shallow I guess. Look, I think she's pretty. I like her personality and we get along every where, but there are things I can't see past. She's 31..I'm 26. True, I don't think 5 years is a huge difference, but she's starting to look it. I don't care about age, as so long you don't start looking old af. Another thing is she has a 4 year old daughter. I mean, she didn't put that on Tinder, but it's something I had to find out first. Tbh, I'm not sure if I freely liked her or liked her when I was liking every one's profile. Anyways, she got a kid. I'm a kid myself and cant see raising one that I haven't made myself. It's too much for me. Also, I still can't seem to stop staring at other women. Even when we are together and I see a pretty girl, I can't help but think my chances are over. I just want a gf that'll make me stop that. I believe its because I'm not entirely attracted to my girlfriend. She's chubby, pretty much a bit more than chubby. She has a flabby gut, but the rest of her isn't as fat. She has small legs and almost no ass. To me, it really throws me off :/ She also dresses as a mom. There is nothing what so ever besides her music taste that indicates she was an emo teen. All of these reasons are weighing on me every time I see her. I mean, she is cute. Wit her hair down and glasses on she looks like Velma Dinkley lol And true, she can lose the weight as she is trying too, but I'm still not sure I'd fall for her. Eventually if it doesn't change, I'm going to have to break it. In the mean time, I'll keep my options open and hopefully she'll stop seeing that I'm not great at all. She's just desperate. I guess..so was I. But I'll find someone and well get on. She will too. But we'll enjoy each other until then.

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Any day where I don't think about hollie. huh, today is the last day I'll ever look at her again. No more after this. So that ends that. I tried to make a video for one of her old friends, Sabrina. She was a girl I talked to and never got to tell who I was. So I thought I'd make a comical one explaining the whole situation. Turns out I'm ugly af. so I deleted it. I finally came to the realization that I'll be moving on. There will not be any more Hollie. Just the old videos I have of her. I'm so scared that no girl will ever make me feel the same. I'm also terrified that I'll never find a girl, period. So, stuck in this lpve abyss I may stay. I don't think I'll ever be with a girl I want to be with. So in theory, I'll never quite move on. Which is fuking sad. Even now I still miss her. She's 7 months pregnant and engaged, and yet here i am still typing about her. fucking pathetic. some days i seriously just want to blow m fuking brains out. why do i get cursed. all this shows me is how real life can be. Your gorgeous, you'll never be alone. You're anything like me, life is just waiting to see how desperate you'll get. Day after day i feel more weight being added. God. tinder has just proved how worthless it is for me. Im seroopusly getting desperate

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Huh, man it's depressing. So, yesterday I finally got off my ass and accomplished a bit of work. I exercised, fully. 30 sit ups, 50 jumping jacks, 50 pushups and 500 jump ropes. I got pretty inspired after that and finally managed to clean my room. Well, mostly because my pc screen cracked when I dropped it; which means I have to now use it on the floor until I get a new one and I had to sweep my dirty carpet. But, I did it. Then I put the energy together to still take a shower, cook diner and take some new photos for Tinder. You can say I went to sleep feeling pretty good. Anyways, today's ending and it has been a downer. I mean, I was hoping for so much with the new pics, but nothing. After all time, and inspiration, I'm still fugly. I swiped to the limit on candidate matches today, but no avail. It's really heart breaking and spirit crushing when you were lifted so high with a positive attitude and optimism, but you come crashing back down when you actually see the truth. Man, all I fucking want is a girl who's cute and not obesely overweight. Is that really so much to ask??? huh..fuck. I see some of the ugliest fucks with girls and there's me. I don't understand what's so bad on my part. I cant believe I haven't matched with a girl I actually fancy yet

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