I'm a 23 year old lesbian and I came out two years ago. I just went on my first date last week (and my second date last night) and I'm dealing with a lot of fears. I don't know if I like her romantically because I'm so scared. I don't know if I'm ready for any kind of intimacy, even kissing. Help?
Hello lovely! We answered this question on the newest episode (Ep 4) of the New Lesbian podcast, so you can listen to our thoughts here (around minute 16) (or find the show on iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, etc): http://newlesbianpodcast.wordpress.com/2014/08/02/episode-4-going-down-south
But in case you can't listen right now, here's a summary of our thoughts: It all really depends on what specifically you’re scared of. Is it that you’re not ready for physical intimacy, is it that you’re feeling that if you really start dating then you’re gonna be REALLY out, or is it just dating in general? Or, is it nervousness about not knowing what to do in terms of the physical stuff? Overall, regardless of what exactly your fears are about, if you’re feeling not ready for something, then respect that and give yourself time to figure things out. Fairer to you and whoever you’re dating. But congrats on the first and second dates, and you're being brave for putting yourself out there at all!
Write us back if this answer doesn’t help you at all and let us know more specifically what you’re feeling scared of and we'll try to help! I can talk a lot about how to try to have fun with dating, if that's what you need!
xx
But in case you can't listen right now, here's a summary of our thoughts: It all really depends on what specifically you’re scared of. Is it that you’re not ready for physical intimacy, is it that you’re feeling that if you really start dating then you’re gonna be REALLY out, or is it just dating in general? Or, is it nervousness about not knowing what to do in terms of the physical stuff? Overall, regardless of what exactly your fears are about, if you’re feeling not ready for something, then respect that and give yourself time to figure things out. Fairer to you and whoever you’re dating. But congrats on the first and second dates, and you're being brave for putting yourself out there at all!
Write us back if this answer doesn’t help you at all and let us know more specifically what you’re feeling scared of and we'll try to help! I can talk a lot about how to try to have fun with dating, if that's what you need!
xx