“My friend once told me that if I had decided to let something go, I’d need to hold that one thing tight and count from ten to one.
Ten. I want to go out for coffee alone and go to places I’ve been wanting to go to without the fear of running into you. I don’t want to avoid my life anymore because of my past.
Nine. I want to go home without being afraid that everything would feel the same as when I had left. I want to stop associating ‘home’ to such a terrible place just because you’re there.
Eight. I wanna say your name without feeling my chest tighten. As common as your name gets, be it a noun or a verb, I wanna say it straight up – not censor it, not say it backwards. I wanna say it like it never meant anything.
Seven. I have to stop wishing you the worst. I want to stop caring about your future. I don’t want to have any thoughts about you anymore.
Six. I need to stop waiting for that day when you’d realize that you’re sorry for hurting and throwing away someone like me. That won’t change anything anyway. I’m happy and stronger after you. I am better after you.
Five. I must stop blaming myself for all the shit that I had to go through because you existed in my life. I have to forgive myself.
Four. I have to stop being angry at you for not taking me seriously. For never answering my calls, for ignoring all my questions, and for leaving me to answer them on my own. I want to stop all this rage at her just because she was the reason why you didn’t come back. I want to live in peace.
Three. I wanna stop telling myself that I’m a bad person. I shouldn’t be defined by my mistakes. I should stop beating myself up everyday just to make myself feel that I’m making up for it.
Two. I need to stop believing that I am worthless just because you decided to throw me away. I don’t want to be defined by the way you see me, or how you came to know me, or who you thought I was. You never really knew me.
One. I have to stop rewinding to that day when I first met you. I need to stop thinking of what could have been if we had never met. I have to accept what happened. I have to accept that you left.”