As far as writing, talent is great (and relative). Reading other writers and practicing the craft everyday is the key to becoming a better writer. I read a lot, but should be writing more. Teaching composition also helps me immensely as a writer. Old school outlining, to ensure clear and concise argument, is a lost art. SO MUCH STUFF!!!
Thank you! I appreciate that.
Thank you! I had a similar experience post divorce and starting over. First, I figured out what I liked (for me it was heavily an art and/or hip hop scene) and I looked for related events. I'd attend them solo and ease my way into conversations with interesting people I'd see there. I also connected with like minded folk via social media. The key is to stay natural and authentic so people don't feel like you're selling yourself. You'll find your tribe. I promise.
Probably Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness".
There are many possible answers to your dilemma, but it sounds like you should begin with addressing your thinking/feelings about yourself and your ability to date/attract a date. We can chat more about it if you email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
It depends on where you'll be based. I'm in Houston and can give you tons of info for this city. Email me: email@example.com
I think the first step is figuring out what you like. In the age of Pinterest and Instagram you can find a personal style that is just girly enough. Find fashion bloggers and looks you like and experiment. Enlist the help of friends you find chic and fashionable. I think this is a great start.
Yes. Once. Technology is a wonderful thing.
You most definitely are not being silly. Always go with your gut. Furthermore, I can admit that I married a man I should have probably only dated because he was madly in love with me and wanted to get married. I was taught that when a man proposes marriage, and treats you well, you accept. Of course, the marriage ended because the passion and desire needed to carry a marriage through the rough spots were missing. It matters. Believe me.
The question is: what is making you unhappy and can that unhappiness be cured by someone other than you. Also, how are you addressing the issues with your bf? Are you communicating about the action, and not how the action makes you feel? If your issue, for instance, is that your bf doesn't spend enough time with you, are you expressing also that spending time with him makes you feel special and loved, that such time together is one of your love language. Also, people don't respond to being criticized and chastised, and not getting what we want during periods of a relationship is a reality that we never talk about. In all, go with your gut. If you are being vulnerable and loving in your requests and he's ignoring you, he might not be as invested as you'll need him to be to make it work long term.
I generally detest liars, especially when folks start interactions and relationships with them. It's telling, really. But I guess it all depends on what you are willing to invest, and how much you like this person. All lies have roots. Often the roots lie in insecurities and shame. The work would be figuring out how to address the roots of the lies, which seems like a lot of work for someone you're just beginning to form a relationship with.
I have bursts of energy where I'm trying to accomplish all kinds of amazing things, other times doing the basic everyday life things is a struggle. On those days I think about the kind of example I want to be for my daughter and others around me. For me, the first step in achieving a goal is realizing said goal is attainable and that I deserve to tackle the shit out of it.
I change my hair every 36 hours, so I'm not sure which change you're speaking of. Lol. I had locs for like 15 years and wanted to be free of them and all the life and trials that had been tangled up in them. I'm easily bored and love to experiment with identities and "looks", plus I think it's become an avenue of artistic expression for me. Like Lupita, "doing hair" was a first love. I feel like that answer was too damn long, but YOLO!
Yo! That's a hard ass question! Somewhere with access to an awesome beach year round where my daughter would be happy. Some place in the Afro Caribbean? West Africa? California? NOW ILL BE FANTASIZING ABOUT ISLAND LIFE ALL NIGHT!
Oh man. Forgiveness. I wrote a post about forgiveness as I worked through forgiving a past lover that I've achieved friendship with today. It's here: http://jonubian.com/2010/10/18/on-forgiveness-and-atonement/ . I think the first thing to remember about forgiveness is that much like love, it's a verb. It requires action and desire. It's much easier to hold a grudge. The next thing to remember, I think, is that we should work on forgiving others while remembering we benefit most from forgiving. Holding on to the hurt and pain that someone has caused us stifles us and spends energy that we could be using for much more awesome shit. We know we're ready to forgive when we know that we're ready to let go of a person or act, and move on with our lives. We hold on to people and pain, as well, when we want to continue being victims, when we want to continue blaming others for the many ways we are stuck in our lives. When you're ready to get unstuck, you're ready to forgive.
There really isn't an acceptable time frame, because each person and relationship is different. Are there barriers as to why your bew can't communicate with you as regularly as you'd like? Have you discussed your desire to communicate more frequently? Do you initiate more frequent communication, and if so, does he respond in a timely manner? These are all things to consider before getting worked up about something that may just be a difference in communication style. The answer may be as simple as letting him know, "I love it when we talk/text. I look forward to it. I'd like to hear from you more often :)." If he responds negatively to something so sweet and genuine, then maybe you two aren't on the same page.
I don't think it's ridiculous to want to give what you receive, but I do believe in transparency and authenticity. The thing is, often some men don't articulate their feelings in the same ways that some women do. He may very well be feeling you just as much as you're feeling him, but may not be ready to express it as fully as you do. I'm not at all saying that you should "wait for him" to catch up. Unrequited love is bullshit. I am saying (especially if it's early) to let it flow. It's okay to show your adoration without expecting an equal return immediately, but trust your gut. Don't we always know when it's right and when it isn't?
This is a to be continued answer, I believe. I'm still learning to be the love I want and still learning to love myself the way that I love others. I believe these to be life long pursuits, that maybe no one ever masters. I think the goal is always to do better as we know better... And "oh the places you will go!"
I hate to speak in generalizations. There are plenty of Black men who have little to no interest in acknowledging or fighting against those things that hurt and oppress Black women, but there are also plenty of Black men who work to be our allies. My goal is to seek out those Black men who want to help and don't waste time on those who don't. Overall, I do believe that Black women put themselves and their happiness last on their lists often; and this definitely must change, as we can be better builders of family and community when we are happy and healthy.