Going back there after all that time is not only annoying but would bring up…odd feelings. I’m not sure I could do it.
Must go but will be back. Such icky weather lately
I will read your words this evening. It makes me happy to see you were here. Melts me to hear of your dreams
And to you. This is, an odd holiday. Not one I remember celebrating much as a child. A basket with some small gifts and candy. I do remember ham and potato dinners at grandparents homes. Those are the "cut outs" I like to keep. .. I .. hmm... how to describe how I have "recreated" my memories. I have blocked so much out, that I feel if I had to speak of my past, to ... paste a feeling, or describe a long held memory, that I see myself sitting cross legged on the floor, my past strewn out in front of me, and I crumble up most of that past, most of my life. Its.. it's like I want to take from old magazines or .. hmm.. someone elses photos. someones elses memories... and then create my own memory book. A better one. It's . well, as I read this, it's quite sad. And I don't want to feel that way. So, as I decide not to erase this, I guess I am letting you see a bit of how my mind is working today.
I hope you fill your heart with the love of family, your mind with added happy memories and you stomach with the food you miss:) Cheers to you Jared.
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No, I don't remember that at all! I remember you being in Florida, a few different times, no? And was this when you first arrived and went though that training, and slept in a bunk like housing?? My head is turning over trying to remember the situations you have been in, and it then turns into all these memories.. the boat, then to Mexico???
I wish I had time to visit more, but it's a warm spring day and I have to take advantage of that. I only wanted to see if the package came.
I will try and visit again when time allows.
((( you are thought of very often Jared, as I said before )))
I can understand how busy you were. I hope you've caught up with sleep. (clocks went ahead silly! but I know how it feels, we lost an hour, felt it the first day or so myself:) -- had hoped by now the small package made it to you, white, with different stamps, as I hadn't sent anything on over a year, I didn't have lots of stamps. But.. if I see nothing from you, I will guess it didn't arrive, like all mail I sent to you in the last year. I will never understand how things get lost like that.
((( i think of you much more often these days.. in the oddest of places, oddest of times...)))
Oh Jared, I'm so sorry. You know I would never be gone this long from talking to you, if I didn't think you would have gotten mail from me. I have sent you three letters, early August, and so important was the information in them. I don't even know how to tell it all again.
Yes, I'm fine. I had many things going on and felt it was best to explain them all in long letters, not on here, as we haven't used this as often.
I don't want you to ever worry about me, even if I'm gone from here for this long. I would let you know if I was in jeopardy or pain, or anything major.
I can't believe you didn't get the letters. 3 of them. All to that address, are you sure you have it correctly? Did you have all your mail transferred? Have you gotten anything addressed to you at that specific address so you know it is viable? Do you not have a key at all times to access your own personal mail??
I don't know how to re-tell all of what I had to say to you, unless I wrote it all out on here, but felt it was more important for you to have it in your hand.
I think of you every day and hope you are well. That your life is moving forward and you're happy and healthy.
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This is good. I'm glad you are doing so.
I didn't know if you had a reaction to the poem or not, not sure if the words triggered a memory for you as they did for me.
I heard them on a movie I was watching on Netflix on Sunday. When they were spoken, I had this instant feeling in my head, that I knew of it, of the words 1/2 way thru, and of course, I had to look it up. Yes. in fact, they had been the same words I found so long ago, and gave them to you, as they struck something in me, as they did again on Sunday.
So I wrote out the whole poem and then the clip about the poet, sending it to you. I guess I thought you would have more of a comment about it, but I know you are busy.
Enjoy your Wednesday, maybe you are up early like i am.
This is the whole poem. I just found it. --
I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose
from the earth lives dimly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.
Oh no.. I'm sorry to hear that.
No need to type anymore. I don't want to cause you anymore struggle.
(( I am reminded of your foot accident on a beach some time back )))
You don't have to answer any more.
I will give you words when can, thinking that makes you feel good or happy and you can "like" them :)
You are so... vague!!!
UGHHH
"I injured myself some"
How would you react if I said that same sentence to you?!
insert my obligatory eye roll here
