I'm a 30 yr old woman. I live with my sister and 3 nephews all under 6. The nephews are my brother's kids that my sister took in so they would not be in foster care. My sis needed help which is why I moved in. This has been an issue for me in dating. Is this a deterrent for men?
It could be, but it also should be. Here's what I mean:
I know it's not easy to see a guy walk away because he thinks your situation is too much for him to handle, especially when that situation is beyond your control, but look at it like this: The bar you've set is incredibly high. Your actions and your current situation speak to your value system, and the fact that you put family over everything. You don't want someone who just says, "Oh, okay, that's cool." You want someone who sees that what you're doing speaks to the woman you are.
I am pretty sure that you never wanted this to be your life at 30-years-old, but it is and if no one has told you yet, that is fucking awesome. Any man who walks away from your situation, let him. He can't handle it and you don't want someone who can't handle that. You want someone who sees your life as it is now and appreciates what that means in the long term, who sees what you're doing now as maybe an indication of what type of woman they can have in the future.
In defense of the men who walk away when they find out what you're dealing with, some people can be intimidated by a person who comes from a strong family. Not everyone would do what you're doing, and to see that level of care, that level of selfless love, it can be scary for some because they know that's the bar. You're not about to accept being any less loved, any less loyal, any less devoted than you are to your family. Some people know they can't match that, and therefore have to bow out before things get too heavy.
I know it's not easy to see a guy walk away because he thinks your situation is too much for him to handle, especially when that situation is beyond your control, but look at it like this: The bar you've set is incredibly high. Your actions and your current situation speak to your value system, and the fact that you put family over everything. You don't want someone who just says, "Oh, okay, that's cool." You want someone who sees that what you're doing speaks to the woman you are.
I am pretty sure that you never wanted this to be your life at 30-years-old, but it is and if no one has told you yet, that is fucking awesome. Any man who walks away from your situation, let him. He can't handle it and you don't want someone who can't handle that. You want someone who sees your life as it is now and appreciates what that means in the long term, who sees what you're doing now as maybe an indication of what type of woman they can have in the future.
In defense of the men who walk away when they find out what you're dealing with, some people can be intimidated by a person who comes from a strong family. Not everyone would do what you're doing, and to see that level of care, that level of selfless love, it can be scary for some because they know that's the bar. You're not about to accept being any less loved, any less loyal, any less devoted than you are to your family. Some people know they can't match that, and therefore have to bow out before things get too heavy.
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Mica
Beautifully Complex