@jozenc

Jozen C.

I'm a 30 yr old woman. I live with my sister and 3 nephews all under 6. The nephews are my brother's kids that my sister took in so they would not be in foster care. My sis needed help which is why I moved in. This has been an issue for me in dating. Is this a deterrent for men?

It could be, but it also should be. Here's what I mean:
I know it's not easy to see a guy walk away because he thinks your situation is too much for him to handle, especially when that situation is beyond your control, but look at it like this: The bar you've set is incredibly high. Your actions and your current situation speak to your value system, and the fact that you put family over everything. You don't want someone who just says, "Oh, okay, that's cool." You want someone who sees that what you're doing speaks to the woman you are.
I am pretty sure that you never wanted this to be your life at 30-years-old, but it is and if no one has told you yet, that is fucking awesome. Any man who walks away from your situation, let him. He can't handle it and you don't want someone who can't handle that. You want someone who sees your life as it is now and appreciates what that means in the long term, who sees what you're doing now as maybe an indication of what type of woman they can have in the future.
In defense of the men who walk away when they find out what you're dealing with, some people can be intimidated by a person who comes from a strong family. Not everyone would do what you're doing, and to see that level of care, that level of selfless love, it can be scary for some because they know that's the bar. You're not about to accept being any less loved, any less loyal, any less devoted than you are to your family. Some people know they can't match that, and therefore have to bow out before things get too heavy.
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Latest answers from Jozen C.

What's an accomplishment in writing/journalism/media that you're looking to attain/complete/finish in the next year and how do you think doing it will affect your life, if at all?

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I want to get my book done. I'm still working on the proposal to give to my agent, but that's the major bucket-list item on my career goal at this point. I have no idea how it will affect my life, but hopefully it will elevate my level of normal. Everyone I've talked to who has published a book says it opened up a lot of doors for them, and I hope that's the case with me.
The other thing I've kind of learned about myself as far as journalism goes is I think I'm more comfortable with being a journalist who talks about dating and relationships and covers lifestyle stories. It's given me a deep satisfaction when I've written guides telling people where to go or what to do. That stuff may seem hackey to some people, but not to me. As a reader, there are people I follow who when they say, go check out this place, I go. I appreciate those people and I want people to appreciate me in a similar way.
There's a lot of pressure to be a certain type of writer or to write about "important things." I think I was succumbing to that pressure for a while, frustrated at myself for doing things like dating when there was more important things in the world to worry about. But I've realized, I can be conscious of those things and care about those things, and don't necessarily need to rite about those things. Other people can probably do it better than I can, so I should just let them.
And I think all of that plays into what is my ultimate goal for this year, which is kind of abstract but I'll say it anyway. I want to be comfortable being the writer that I am and within that find ways to improve and get better.

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Have you seen or heard about the show Married at first sight? what are your thoughts on it/ the concept

Yes, I have and I think it's fascinating as well. It's extreme, but in an honest way. The stakes are high and you can tell the participants are really feeling every single moment of the process. Other shows like the Bachelor try to fabricate romance and make dating seem like a fantasy. Married at First Sight seems more like a grand experiemnt in matrimony culture, and that to me is a lot more fascinating.

You gave great advice which asked the question 'are you rly interested in that person OR interested that they're interested in you?'. i cut myself off cold-turkey from this person bc i actually didnt like how they treated me & THANK YOU. They came back (of course) & i didn't feel anything anymore.

You're welcome. I'm glad to hear you're moving on.

My friends clown me for the way I pronounce certain words. I'm black and from the east coast. To me it's regular but, when I get around certain folks they try to correct me. I'm a college graduate, but don't want to seem uneducated. Any advice?

I mispronounced words all the time and get teased for it. It doesn't bother me because I'm smart. Mispronouncing words doesn't necessarily mean we're not intelligent. It just means we mispronounce words on occasion. The next time someone corrects you and does so politely, just act fascinated and say, "I didn't know I was saying it wrong all this time. Thanks for that." Then, keep the conversation going.

Where was this apt in Harlem for under $1k?? Living in Harlem now looking to move

I'm sorry for the late response. You asked this question about 20 days ago, which means you probably have already found a place. In any case, I don't know if you can find any apartment in Harlem under 1K, and if you can, I don't know if you want to live there. I know the building where I moved in when they only were charging under $1k a month has since raised their prices up. Now apartments there start at $1,300 a month. Still, if you want to find something spacious and affordable go further uptown to Washington Heights. There are places that have a lot of room and are affordable. You just have to be willing to venture out a little bit.

Dating a guy 3 mos. Had rela. talk. He wants to be in a long term but has not asked me yet. We are currently playing "house" doing bf-gf things. How do I fall back until he asks me? I don't want him to get comfy and never upgrade our rela. to the next level

Try being patient. It's been three months and he was open about what he wants, which is to be in a long term relationship. What about that conversation makes you think he wasn't referring to what you two have? I don't get that, but if you really insist on holding out for this title, why don't you talk to him again. Not communicating isn't going to get you anymore answers than if you spoke up, and falling back will get you absolutely nowhere.

Is it fair to ask s/o to consider moving x-country? I have a great job in San Diego and we've been doing the distance thing for 2 yrs now. $ spent on tix could be a DP on her ring. Feels like we cant save for our future bc we're always paying for flights.

Absolutely, man. Have the talk and make sure you let her know what your intentions are when she moves out there, that you want to begin your future together. Hopefully she feels the same and even though San Diego might not be where she wants to be, let her know that San Diego may not be forever, but you want you two to be forever.
Best of luck man!

#4 How do u make avocado toast?

One of the most important things about avocado toast is the bread. I use Ezekiel Sesame Sprouted Whole Grain Bread, which you can usually find at Trader Joe's or Whole Foods. They keep them in the frozen section. The reason why i like this bread is 1) It's healthy 2) It has a heartiness to it, so it's pretty fortifying.
While you're toasting this bread (which I do on a skillet but you can do in a toaster or toaster oven), peel an avocado in a bowl. One avocado will be enough for two slices of toast. Drizzle some olive oil and lemon juice, then start mashing it, leaving it somewhat chunky. If you want, add some tomato to this too.
Once your bread is ready, put the slices on a cutting board and start scooping it then spreading it on the toast. It's important you do this while the bread is still hot because the heat softens the avocado, so if you've used one that's fresh out of the refrigerator, it will make this process easier.
When you're done, hit it with a pinch of sea salt, and either cracked black pepper or red pepper flakes, if you want it to have some kick.
Other options are adding goat or feta cheese on it and, if you really want to elevate things, a fried egg. These last two parts are usually how I make my avocado toast. I love it and have eaten this for breakfast twice a week every week of this year.

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#3. Should i bow out gracefully... Stop calling and texting without the anger. Or call him out and say... Your not into me.... Are you seeing someone else? ... The breakup conversation would seem ackward since we are only dating.

Part 3.
You're right. Having a deep talk about this could put him on the defensive and cause him to just discredit your feelings by him simply saying something like, "Well, we're just dating."
I suggest speak to him through your actions and start dating other guys and slowly making yourself less available. Don't look at it as mind games, look at this as a silent statement. When and if he asks why you've been so quiet lately or less available, let him know everything you've told me and see what happens. Hopefully he clears some thing sup for you, because while I can't say he's seeing someone else, everything you told me leads me to believe he has some things in his life that he doesn't want to concern you with until they're handled.

#2 From your perspective - Why continue to "date" me? Whats the point? He amd i are,over 40...

Part 2

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