Ask @keeji:

What do you think people think of you?

First impression, people either think I am cold or weird. There will be the minority who wants to get to know me because of how I look. At best, I will give them my name and go back to my book. I always have a book with me. These days, however, people do not think reading a book means that you do not want to be interrupted, so with those college kids I use my earphones and pretend to listen to music.
You may say I am rude, but trying to strike a conversation that has no intellectual value, by extension taking somebody else's time for granted, is ruder.
Once people know me, they often think I am annoying and not-as-they-thought. Because I find it difficult to stop being enthusiastic over the things I am passionate about and I can babble on for hours. Because what is moderation? Laughs despairingly. I am hopeless at making good impressions and have given up a decade ago. I'm usually the one who observes from an unassuming corner then vanishes when somebody spots me.
I have been told I am self-absorbed, naive and/or stubborn, and I suspect they are right. These words come from the people I trust. On the other hand, adjectives are subjective. Take out the adjectives and you have the facts:
I am.

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What do u think of this video

What I have learned through my own experience is that we often forget that we are not our emotions, and that what we feel is not who we are. Even so, it isn't easy to remember this, and we often mistake our thoughts with our identity. I am a type 4 wing 5 myself, and my shame-prone personality is dominant. I relate to this video a lot, thank you for sending it to me.
About this evilness and manipulation. It is also something I still feel but it isn't as dominant as it used to be. When I was younger, I used to have this idea that I was evil for wanting to help people. That my happiness comes from making others happy is a very selfish thing. That I was no different from the bad guys who step people to get what they want. Which is probably true, on some level or another. But over the years, I have also learned that selfishness has nothing to do with getting what we want, selfishness is when we hurt other people in order to get what we want. And if the evilness in me is trying to convince me that I am bad for helping other people in order to make myself happy, then so be it. I've let go of some self-hatred. And you know what? If the world thinks what I do to make other people happy in the long run is 'manipulation' then that's their problem. If the people I have invested my energy and heart into are happy, if I can be happy seeing them happy, and if I believe what I'm doing is right, then I shouldn't regret or doubt any of my actions. Right?
But of course, that is easier said than done. What I have noticed is that Introversion has built us in a way that will always make us look back. But that isn't a bad thing. Retrospection is as helpful as introspection, assuming that we are not overruled by it.
Look. My father is a business man, and of course, you know how people like that are. I used to angst over all the underhanded things that went on in that world. I couldn't accept that somebody in my family accepted such corruption as part of their lives, and I didn't know how to let go of my hatred. It didn't do me any good.
But accepting something isn't the same thing as agreeing with it. Just because we accept something doesn't mean we have to agree. We simply have to accept that this is how things are no matter how much we dislike it. And only once we accept that this is how things work right now, we can let go or do something about it. I suppose it's a lot like the five stages of grief. But it's a sort of grief we have for ourselves and/or the world. When we realise that we aren't as good as we think we want to be, (1) we deny it, (2) we get angry with ourselves, (3) we try to justify/bargain, (4) we become depressed, (5) we accept the loss of our ideals. My point is, we've got to accept that we can't be as good as we want to be. We can work on it once we are able to accept it. (I honestly forgot where I was going with this, sorry.)
Apparently there's a word limit to the answer section. I'm running out of space. Can't ramble anymore.

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