@mariam0128

Mariam

School's about to start and I could use some advice. How can I tell if someone is a fake, a frenemy, or a bad friend? And how can I avoid being those things?

Well, it's not always easy to tell if someone is a frenemy, but the best thing to do if you have a suspicion is to (unaccusingly) confront your friend about it. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're in middle school, because most of the people I know here are. There's so much damn drama at your age that I've never had, so I don't exactly know what you're dealing with, but here's my best advice.
First, read my last answer about what makes a good friend. If your friends are missing some of these qualities, they may not be a real friend.
Second, if your friend EVER turns around and talks shit about you behind your back, spreads rumors, or backstabs you, always confront them about it. I know it's hard to tell nowadays because everything is so anonymous online, but if you have a suspicion, ask them about it (gently).
Third, if your friend lies to you they're very possibly fake. However, they could just be reserved and can't easily trust people because of past experiences. But if they lie to you about little petty things, that's a red flag.
Fourth, if your friend never has any time for you, never wants to hang out, seems to always have excuses not to talk or go out with you. But there's a difference between being actually busy (which at my age I know there's never any time during the school year) and just having weak excuses. If you feel like they don't want to hang out with you or talk to you, they're not a good friend.
I know it's hard because at your age everyone is calling everyone else fake and a back stabber and plastic and all these insults that my grade didn't know when we were your age, so the best thing you can do is be yourself. Don't pretend to be anyone you're not or change yourself for anyone, be it your friends or a boy or a group or whatever. I know it sounds cliche, but honestly, if you alter who you are to fit in, you'll never develop your own sense of self, and that's when you'll really be fake. To be a good friend, simply always be there for your friends, don't pretend to be friends with anyone you don't want to be friends with, and always be trustworthy with your friends. A solid friendship is the perfect balance of give and take, and remember, you don't HAVE to have 50 friends, because if you do, they'll most likely all be distant. 2 or 3 amazing friends is sometimes all you need.
In the end, if you feel like you're in a toxic friendship with someone who you don't enjoy being friends with, just end it, it's for the best. If you feel like someone's being fake or has been talking about you behind your back, talk to them about it. Don't just ignore them and be angry, they may have an explanation. Don't be accusatory, just straight up ask them "I heard you said blah blah blah about me to someone else, is that true?" Above all, know that you have the right to choose who you want to be around, and no one can force themselves into your life. Stay out of bad relationships, and your life will be so much easier :)
❤️ Likes
show all

Latest answers from Mariam

do you miss j.j. Finley elementary school?

Hahaa yeah it was a good experience for me! But I'm glad to be graduating this year, it's been a longggg 13 years

Language: English