lagi kak!! *ketagihan ff kyungsoo*(((((:

people told me to leave him, because no matter how often a psycho say sorry, they would still hurt you. over and over again
-
"Why don't you feel mad at me?"
I turned my head and found he was about to cry.
"what's wrong, Kyungsoo?" I cupped his face with my hands.
"why don't you feel mad at me? why do you keep saying everything's okay?" He started to cry.
"see? your hands? your lips? you're bleeding. you're going to die soon. I keep hurting you... I am a bad person. Why don't you feel mad at me?"
for the th time, he cried and asked the same question over and over again.
-
"Is it hurt?" He asked while putting some medicine on my wounds
"No. I'm okay."
He sighed and pulled me closer. He kissed my forehead. our eyes met, he smiled..... desperately
"it's okay if you leave me. soon."
"I won't"
"But-"
"I understand you, Kyungsoo."
-
There was one or two nights, when I could find him hiding himself in a blanket. he was shaking, he was crying without a single sound.
"I am sorry.... I am sorry...."
It wasn't clear but I could hear. He kept saying the same thing.
-
"I think I am going to get a rehab"
"what?"
"something is wrong with me."
"kyungsoo, nothing's wrong with you."
he looked at me with with 'that' expression again.
"you're dying... because of me."
"I'm not, Kyungsoo."
"you're getting thinner, the dark circles on your eyes are getting darker, your smile fade day by day. I'm hurting you."
"it's just real life problems sucked me so bad"
he hugged me, this time, harder.
"don't go... please don't go"
I could feel his warm tears. Kyungsoo always said the same thing, did the same thing, everything is just keep undo-ing and redo-ing.
-
"if one day you're bleeding too much, I would run you to the hospital"
I laughed and ruffled his head
"you won't babe, you would just smile and proud of your paint on me"
he flinched. he pulled my hands and put it on his waist.
"why did you say that?" realising that I just hurt him.
"Kyungsoo I'm sorry"
"I'm the one who should sorry. don't go.... please don't ever go."
I could see a worry on his big eyes, he was about to cry again.
"I won't" I smiled and kissed his lips to sweep his worry away.
-
despite his special habit to keep digging my skin or his happiness to see blood rundown my face, he is not a fearless person, he is just a weak human being inside who craves for affection.
-
people told me to leave him because no matter how often a psycho say sorry, they would still hurt you. over and over again.
but Do Kyungsoo is different, he is special.
he is like that complex method of physic, complicated but make you curious.
-
I love him
and
soon,
I found myself being a masochist.