if i ask myself in my head if im a girl, i say yes. but i do nothing to become a girl. im afraid my transition would be ugly, and im afraid of losing the people around me if i decide to transition.

As a cis person I am not really in a place to give you advice on this issue -- but I will say that you should transition only when you feel safe and comfortable doing so.
Do you have anyone close to you who you expect will be supportive of you? Maybe friends who you might have seen saying or agreeing with trans-positive things. I think that might be a good place to start with building a safety net before you decide to come out, if you decide to come out.
You're a girl and you're beautiful whether you transition or not.
Trans friends on Twitter, please weigh in on this, I don't want to give over-privileged advice that may be off-base.

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