Kese Mizaaj hain?🌚

I always craved for this kind of life since i came into this god damn life. Like, i never wanted someone to force me to study. Wanted a fast free internet. I always wanted a lot of free time. I wanted no friends. Either internet or real life friends. I wanted to sleep whole the day and to wake up the whole night. I wanted to get intoxicated by the darkness of the night.
Now hello from the otherside.
Guess. What happened ? I now got what i had been craving for. Now i have no friends. I have a fast free internet. I have youtube. I have a lot of time even. But i am not happy. This utter loneliness is suffocating me. I cant breathe now. I feel like i better be dead. I am asking Allah. That wasnt what i wanted. Then why am i being treated so way? Why am i even feeling like i have lost almost everything? Why didnt it unfold the way i thought it would be?
O Lord, tell me where I am..
How is this hide and seek of yours,
Take me home, O my friend..
My heart seeks refuge..