Ask @shakirasison:

Tita, natatakot po ako. May 3 brothers po akong dapat pag-aralin at ako nalang ang inaasahan ng family ko. Marami akong pangarap but I have to put them aside. I need to find a job na kahit sobrang layo sa course ko basta mataas sahod. Masakit pero kailangan. Pahingi naman po ng payo/encouragement.

First things first: one step at a time. While your parents may have put this responsibility on you, if they are still alive the burden of your brothers' education is on them, not you. After all hindi ikaw ang nagpakasarap na mag-anak ng apat. They are ultimately responsible for the children they brought into this world kahit na anong pressure pa ang nilagay nila sa iyo, please remember that you're not these kids' parents and all you can do is help out. Secondly. Get a job. Kung fresh grad ka malamang hindi malaki ang sahod mo and it's unreasonable na ikaw lang ang asahan para sa education ng kapatid mo. Do not ever divulge your salary but instead just let your parents know the maximum you can afford to spare. Maybe your brothers have to take on jobs or your parents have to borrow money but do not stress yourself out with the upbringing of your brothers more than you can contribute. Iisa ka lang. Lilima sila. Your parents are just letting you know that they need your help but please don't be convinced that everything is on your shoulders. Hindi ikaw ang nag-anak ng marami. Don't ever forget that. Help out when you can but do not sacrifice your own life. What I mean is make your contributions for your brothers, and pay back your education if that topic is brought up. Being raised and educated was your right as a child brought into this world. It's not a debt to be paid back, but you can do that if they insist. You don't have to be a slave all your life. You can carve your own way, move out of your house, and refuse to give more than you can afford. It will be hard but if you don't stand up for yourself then no one else will. I promise you that.

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Hi. Graduating student from college here. Whenever I'm called "bobo" or "tanga" by my family members. I hate it. It's like they don't know acknowledge what I do in my life and how stressed I am. Pres of a student org, OJT, and academics. I get tired sometimes and forget things. I'm so weak and soft.

I'm sorry your family is verbally abusing you. That's what that is. Congratulations on your graduation! Pagbutihin mo yan, and then get a job and move out. Find your own way. Ay ayaw mo kasi kawawa naman sila? What you allow will continue. Stand up for yourself or your abusers will always walk all over you. Make me proud.

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Tita,bothered talaga ako right after na nag usap sila ng ex niya. Feel na feel ko na may mali. Sobrang cold niya na din.Kahit magreply sa messages or tumawag hindi na magawa,unlike before na halos every hour magkausap kami sa phone. 😞😞 Help tita

Bakit di mo kausapin kung bakit nagbago na siya at anong pakiramdam mo sa nangyayari sa inyo? You might just hear the truth. Or baka sabihing imagination mo lang di mag-request ka na sana tulad siya ng dati nung maasikaso pa siya etc. Kung bintangan kang selosa o magalit sa iyo, alam mo na yan.

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Hi tita! Is it bad po ba to ask your partner for validation when they say they're not the mood to answer it (even if its been months)? Like just asking them about things they like about you? I have self-esteem issues but was hoping that hearing the answers from them would boost it even a tiny bit.

You need to find and be with someone who will validate you constantly, repeatedly, hourly and daily in the way that you want and need. Someone who insists you don't need it or doesn't want to validate you doesn't care to please you or make you happy. Explain this in clear terms to your partner and what exactly you need to hear from them. If you're accused of being needy or demanding, that's your sign that they don't care to comfort you and you can then decide if this is the kind of person you want to share your life with.

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Tita, I have been getting close with a girl recently. But I get jealous whenever she talks to a certain guy. I think I should work on myself first and maybe I am just insecure. How to handle this situation po?

Is she your girlfriend? Because if she's not committed to an exclusive relationship with you then you're really in no position to be jealous of other people. So know your place first. How about figure out kung ano mo ba siya? What are your expectations? What do you consider hurtful behavior? Ipaliwanag mo sa kanya at mah-agree kayo kung anong kilos ang tama para sa inyong dalawa at sa relasyon ninyo.

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2/2 we talked about this before okay lang daw na we will have a civil wedding. Until now, his parents wanted me to convert or no wedding. I don’t know what to do tita. He can’t leave his family dahil siya ang nagbubuhay sa kanila.

Looks like your problem is bigger than walking to your house and talking to your parents. He has put his foot down about not being able to marry you because of a difference in religion. It's not that he can't disobey his family either. He doesn't want to. He feeds them and can continue to feed them. He can do that from anywhere and in any way if he really wanted to defy them to be with you. He personally doesn't want to go against his religion to marry you. Sorry but that's the truth. Talk to him about how or if you can even move forward with your relationship. You don't want to give up your religion either, so you should understand how he feels. Accept it and hold him accountable for his own principles. He has made his choice. Now you need to make yours.

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+2 answers in: “Hi Tita, can you help me with just a word of advice? I’ve been asking my boyfie when is he going to our house to ask my hand in marriage. He told me last June that he’ll visit, July, September came and wala pa rin. Red flag na to, Tita? Hintayin ko nalang ba na mag December?”

Tita, I asked him naman and he said its fine, we planned everything but i told him na hindi na put on hold ang plans until pupunta siya bahay to properly ask my parents. Saka lang niya sinabi sakin na were going to have a problem with the religion (muslim sya,christian ako) 1/2

+2 answers in: “Hi Tita, can you help me with just a word of advice? I’ve been asking my boyfie when is he going to our house to ask my hand in marriage. He told me last June that he’ll visit, July, September came and wala pa rin. Red flag na to, Tita? Hintayin ko nalang ba na mag December?”

Tita I am with someone for almost a year now and we only send pictures to each other. Today she admitted to me that the person on the pics are not her. She said she has body dysmorphic disorder but everything she said to me is true except the pics she sent me. What should I do?

Video chat with her and talk about why she misled you for one year and what you both expect from each other and what you want to do going forward. See if this is an acceptable arrangement for you. It's hard to trust anything someone says if they're not the person they said they were. And just a reminder to everyone in virtual relationships that to see is to believe. Save yourself the heartache and make sure you're building something genuine and sincere.

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tita, how would you know if it's the right or wrong person? how would you know if you're with the wrong person? are there any signs?

Sure. They abuse you, or are mean, cruel, or inconsiderate. They don't share the same goals and plans. There is no mutual physical attraction and emotional connection. You don't feel your love and commitment to them constantly. You don't play an equal role in each other's lives. It takes many mistakes to know what you need to walk away from. It takes many wrong partners to recognize the right one.

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Hello po tita, any tips po on learning the art of not giving a fuck?

First, give a fuck. Give so much of a fuck and be disappointed in your efforts. Then select a handful of things or people you care about. With the rest, remember what happens when you care too much about everything. Be secure in yourself, especially financially and emotionally. Know that you'll be fine without all these distractions. Do your work. Enrich yourself and help your handful of people and interests. Learn to say no to everything else.

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Hello po tita, i have a bff po gwapo po sya and likeable talaga kaya dami nagkakagusto. They always mistake us as couples just coz we look together. Its really getting into my nerves kasi girls who like him dont really treat me nice. Talked to him abt this but we didnt come up with a solution po.

Looks like this is his issue with the girls who like him. They're not supposed to like you, especially since they view you as competition. But if they're rude or mean to you then he should intervene. Another option is to spend exclusive time with him where you're not around his girls. He seems interested enough in them to not make an effort to protect your feelings. But in the end none of these girls are obligated to be nice to you, especially since this guy isn't really make it clear to them that you matter.

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Tita. How do you manage to stay in a relationship? Does it require hard work every day? Or if it requires a lot of work then it's not the right one?

Anything worthwhile requires work. This includes a healthy lifestyle, a good relationship, or a happy family life. When you love someone and enjoy spending time with them, you don't mind the challenging things that you have to go through to grow together. Don't mistake lots of work with trying to make a bad relationship work or making someone who's not right for you change. You will love many wrong people before you can identify the right one. Give yourself the opportunity to fail rather than forcing yourself to stay with someone who isn't right for you.

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Hi Tita, can you help me with just a word of advice? I’ve been asking my boyfie when is he going to our house to ask my hand in marriage. He told me last June that he’ll visit, July, September came and wala pa rin. Red flag na to, Tita? Hintayin ko nalang ba na mag December?

Not sure sinong red flag sa inyong dalawa because obviously he's not ready to marry you, and that's fair. Did he actually ask you to marry him? Have you both discussed marriage in a serious way? If you want, ask him if he's serious about marrying you. It's totally fine if he isn't. One shouldn't be forced into a lifetime commitment. Ask what's taking him so long to talk to your parents. You're asking this guy to marry you but you can't even talk to him about this basic thing? Consider the fact that you might not be ready for this adult commitment which requires constant communication and negotiation. Parang hindi pa kayo marunong mag-usap tapos magpapakasal na kayo? Obviously hindi niya masabi sa iyo kung bakit ayaw pa niyang magpakasal. Huwag mo rin siyang pilitin kasi ikaw ang magsisisi diyan.

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+2 answers Read more

Tita what is your best advice on coming out to parents?

Consider the worst case scenario. What will you do then? Do you have the finances to support yourself? Do you have a back up plan? Because they may very well reject you. This is just the reality of our lives. What is your purpose in coming out? Make sure it's not to seek their approval or to get it off your chest. You might not get the former and the latter may come with bad consequences. I'm not saying stay in the closet, but consider the repercussions. Make sure you know you can pick yourself up if your parents reject you and kick you out of their house.

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