Ask @shakirasison:

Hello tita. I have been emotionally / psychologically abused. Now that I know better, I really regret how much I didn't know better back then. Looking back, I feel as if ang daming time ang nasayang sa buhay ko at sobra ang panghihinayang ko. How do I look at this in a positive light? Thank you po!

It's over, isn't it? And you're still around, healthy, wiser, and you know better. Now you can recognize abuse and can avoid it at the first sign. You can also help others who are going through the same thing. About regret and wasting time, bata ka pa at marami pang nararanasan at ma-enjoy. That bad time will save you a lot of time later on because you know better and can avoid wasting time again. Take it from me. Enjoy!

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Hello po tita! Why do I feel like I love him more than he loves me? Or that he is afraid to go all in because he carries a traumatic past on relationships? I feel a tad bit neglected.

Listen to your gut and your feeling that you are neglected and not as loved as you would like. Express to him exactly how you want him to show his affection. He should adjust and make sure you feel that you are number one in his life. Unless of course he's not ready to be in a relationship.

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Hi, tita. Is there anything I can do for someone I love who has been going through family problems? He said sorry for being unable to reply and that he cant really talk about the problem, which are all okay for me. I can't help being worried.

Aside from telling him you'll be there when he's ready to talk, you can also send him his favorite food or treats to make him feel better or ask him to go on a date or plan a trip with him. You don't have to deal with or even talk about the actual problem, but you can make sure he has everything he needs during this difficult time.

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Tita, a year ago, I was really a mess (emotionally) that it can't help but manifest in all areas of my life. When I see that self from where I am now, I feel so sorry for her. I want to say that I'm proud of myself too. You told us this, that we don't have to stop love but we have to move on.

Thanks for coming back to tell us you're OK and that you learned the most important lesson of how to move on. 🤗

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Hi tita. How to really focus and love yourself? Paano po mawalan ng pake sa mga bagay-bagay na hindi naman dapat pagtuunan ng pansin?

Trial and error. You first have to waste time and energy on things that hurt you and don't serve you, then get burned many times before you decide to focus on yourself at mawalan ng pake sa mga bagay-bagay na hindi man dapat pagtuunan ng pansin. 😁

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Tita, issue po ba pag mag kasama sa work yung bf mo at ex niya? Sa akin po kasi ganito ngayon and i told him na nagseselos ako, nagalit po siya.

Parati kong sinasabing workplace relationships are never good, and that's also for the other partners when the original relationship is over. Mahirap maging issue ang selos in any relationship, lalo na kung araw-araw kasama ng partner mo ang ex niya. In the end wala kang choice kundi tanggapin ito at magtiwala sa kaniya. You can't make him resign just for your comfort. Maari namang malampasan ito kasi meron naman talagang mag-ex na tapos na at wala nang chance, o may respect at disiplina para walang mangyari sa kanilang dalawa. Pero mahirap pa rin. Communication helps. Kahit pag-awan ninyo nang matindi hanggang magkaroon ng resolution at agreement. But one thing you can change is your mindset. You can accept the situation and also work on yourself para hindi ka ma-insecure sa ex, kahit na worst case scenario na magkabalikan sila.

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tita, nanghingi lang naman ako ng assurance from my partner pero ang sagot niya was “di ko sure if kaya ko ibigay” any advice on this... we’re on the same situation as last year. eto na naman. bat ba sinisira ng partner natin mental health natin.

Your mental health is your responsibility. Walang sumisira sa mental health mo but your way of coping with challenges like relationship troubles affects your mental health and vice versa. As for your relationship issue, it's good na honest siya na hindi niya kaya ibigay. You can try to work it out but also try to accept na may hangganan din ang tao at ang relasyon. It hurts of course but if it's an ongoing issue, maybe it's time to really get to the root of it and get help, or accept the reality that your partner is no longer willing to work it out.

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Tita, I've been flirting with a friend I like and reciprocated feelings ko. We talked about it and she said that she has baggage to unpack for herself before diving into anything with anyone. Di pa rin daw siya sure kung worth i-risk yung friendship namin and yung heart niya. Her heart is (cont.)

(cont) guarded kasi bc of her bad experience with her ex. I've been understanding and I've told her to take her time, but lately I've been confused bc it's malabo. How do I know if it's going anywhere or if it's worth hoping for? Is waiting worth it? Tanga ba ako kung aasa ako? Paano ko to sasabihin?
ANSWER: Kudos to her for being honest to you that she's not ready for a relationship and for giving herself time to recover from her last relationship. How about you? Are you ready for a relationship? If you are then you should express that to her and let her know that you understand she's not ready to be with you right now. Maybe she'll give an indication of whether she does want to be with you, but you should not count on that until she commits to you. She was honest to you that she's not ready. Now be honest with yourself about what you need right now.

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hi tita, me & my partner is dealing with an issue na nawala na yung “kilig” or excitement sa relationship. any advice?

A relationship is only as good as what the people in it bring to it. Kung wala kayong excitement sa sarili ninyo at sa mga plano ninyo sa buhay, wala rin kayong excitement sa isa't isa. Have you discussed your future plans for yourselves and your future together? Anong bagong interest, hobby, o achievement ang maari ninyong dalhin sa relasyon para magkaroon naman ng konting excitement or thrill? As relationships grow and mature, siyempre iba na ang level of excitement na nararamdaman sa isa't isa, but it doesn't have to be boring. Plan a trip together, plan to move in, or plan a date. O baka naman pareho na kayong walang gana sa isa't isa. That's something to consider.

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Hello tita! How to stop being jealous? Alam kong wala akong dpat pag selosan sa baby mama ng boyfriend ko pero selos na selos ako everytime na ng uusap sla khit tungkol lg naman sa bata. Yung baby mama ksi, gsto pdin boyfriend ko. Ayaw ko nalg mging irrational pero dko alam pano di magselos :(

How do you overcome jealousy?
First, accept the following:
1) Someone is more beautiful than you.
2) Someone is smarter than you.
3) Someone is a way better person than you.
4) Your partner chose you even if #s 1-3 are
facts.
5) Not trusting your partner's judgement in #4 and being insecure about it will remind them of #s 1-3.
6) If you are sad and believe you're not good enough and your partner should be with someone better, you're probably right.

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Tita, im currently studying pero i can’t help but think na ‘what if I can do more’ its like nakukulangan ako... madami ako load pero lagi ko padin iniisip na pano kaya kung may side hustle ako pero at the same time alam ko na di uubra pag pinagsabay ko, masyado mahirap. Ano kaya problema sakin :(

Walang problema sa iyo. You just feel helpless. Pandemic times are the most stressful times anyone living will ever experience. But we always downplay its trauma since there's no way out of it and we just can't admit the enormity of emotions we have to face right now. So it's normal for you to feel this way. If you are financially secure, focus on your studies and finish your degree as soon as you can so you can get a job and contribute financially.

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Hi Shakira. Toxic ang magulang ko. 70+ na siya. Alam kong hindi na siya magbabago. Gusto kong hindi na siya kausapin pero iniisip ko, baka hindi na mahaba ang buhay niya kaya kaunting tiis. Pero unti unti akong pinapatay ng relasyon namin. Ano kaya ang dapat kong gawin? Salamat

Boundaries. Don't engage in toxic discussions. Don't take the bait. 70+ na sila so that means may edad ka na rin and you should already be of independent mind and supporting yourself fully (if not, that is your bigger problem because malapit na nga silang mawala e). If you're still at home, keep yourself scarce. Iwas sa usapan, iwas sa conflict. Keep conversation topics casual ("Ay gusto niyo po ng cake?") and walk away from toxic comments ("Bakit ang pangit ng suot mo?"). Hindi naman kailangang mag-cut ties (although that's totally respectable if they are abusive), boundaries lang. Practice some.

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Hello po. Meron po kasi akong mga "friends" sa faculty na napaglalabasan ko minsan ng inis sa office. Recently yung head namin commented to a work that I did na medyo harsh. When I showed the comment to my mother, she immediately pointed out that someone is ratting me out. What could I do?

What is the faculty are you talking about? Are you talking about school? But you're getting reprimanded in the office that's part of the school or not part of the school? Either way, people in the faculty are not your friends. And you can't really do much about the negative feedback except improve and not have anything they can attack. It's true that someone may be ratting you out, which is a good lesson on where you shit. Make sure it's not where eat. Or close to where someone might be listening.

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Hi tita. I have dysmenorrhea today so I called in sick at work. Valid reason po ba yun?

Absolutely. Any moment where you're not feeling well, you are entitled to a sick day. Even for mental health reasons or just to rest. One career tip. NEVER EVER tell your boss or coworkers why you're not feeling well. "Not feeling well. Taking a sick day." is all you ever need to say. If HR requires a medical certificate then get one and present it, but don't ever discuss it. Not on email. Not verbally. It's personal. Don't make that a habit. It's unprofessional and you should never have to negotiate when it comes to health. Even mental health.

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hi tita, i can’t believe yung partner ko nilagay ako sa situation before na we broke up kasi di na niya kaya... nakipagbalikan.... tapos ngayon di na naman niya kaya. ang hirap naman tangina

I always say it too. Reconciling without a new plan for both partners to change the entire relationship will result in the same cycle of unhappiness, and the end will be so much more painful than the first time.

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Hi tita. I was in a 5 years relationship before and 3 years after I still have this fear. Fear na baka masaktan ulit ako. Fear na maiwan ulit ako. Fear na ma experience ko ulit yung pain na yun. How can I slowly get rid of that fear? Totoo pala ang sinabi nila na love is not for the faint heart.

How to get over the fear of getting hurt? Accept that you will get hurt, and even more than the last time. Once you accept devastation as a part of relationships, you will take them for what they are. A brief moment to love and be loved, and somethibg to learn from. Then you can determine from the start if a person or a relationship will be worth it. Also kahit ikaw ang iniwan, may kasalanan ka rin. Figure out what you can improve and stop saying na iniwan ka. It didn't work out. Most relationships don't work out and sometimes the one who left did the kinder and braver thing, instead of staying when one or both people are unhappy.

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Hi tita! This seems funny to ask, pero paano o saan niyo po nakukuha (for lack of a better word) ang wisdom na binabahagi niyo sa amin? Nakakamangha lang po na tila alam niyo ang eksaktong sagot sa mahahabang tanong hahaha Hangad ko rin ang maging kagaya niyo-- puno ng karunungan sa buhay. :)

Nako don't wish to be like me! Kasi galing lang sa matinding pagkabigo ang lahat ng kaalaman ko sa buhay. Masyadong maraming minahal, maraming sinaktan, at mas maraming iniyakan. Just live and love and don't be afraid of getting hurt. Kasi diyan tayo natututo e. There are no short cuts.

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Tita thoughts on No label relationship? Grabe ang sakit sakit sana pala nagtanong na ako kung ano ba talaga kami testing the waters daw siya nung una kaso di kami nag workout i had a lesson learned from this mess 😭

Masakit ngayon but this is the best thing that can happen kung talagang hindi kayo fit. Kasi now you can stop wasting time at hindi ka na umaasa for years like some people who don't have the courage to ask kasi alam naman nila ang sagot pero di nila mapakawalan. Now you can truly move on. And the person who really wants you can find you. Come back here pagna-meet mo na siya OK. Kasi malapit na!

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Hi tita, it’s been a while. I just want to say na ang hirap palang magmahal, at mahalin. Lahat ng tao, love life ang hanap pero mahirap pala siya. :(

Magandang aral ito kasi akala ng tao puro sarap ang pag-ibig at pagkikipagrelasyon. Anlaking responsibilidad ano? Kung hindi number one priority ang relasyon, talagang walang pag-asa. At saka akala natin wala tayong kailangang gawin para manatili ang pag-ibig sa buhay natin when in fact we need to deal with our own issues and do a deep analysis of ourselves and change if we even want a chance for the person we love to keep loving us. Ang hirap! But it's worth it if you succeed. It's still constant work but it does pay off.

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Hello po, hindi po ako religious na tao. Di rin ako madasalin. Pero ang bigat ng loob ko lately, pakiramdam ko palpak ako sa work. Minsan maghapon lang akong tulala naglalayag ang isip kesa sa magtrabaho. Sabi sakin mag pray daw ako, ginagawa ko naman pero wala akong nararamdamang nagbabago.

Mindfulness exercises or meditation. Look it up sa Youtube or sa mga app. Hindi kailangang magdasal pero kailangan natin ng alone time to decompress, take time to recharge and nourish ourselves psychologically and spiritually, and find ones inner peace. It really works. Also be kind to yourself. Ang hirap ng panahon ngayon. Lahat tayo depressed. The exercises help. Physical exercise too, especially. Pampaalis ko yan ng bagabag.

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Hi po pahingi naman po ng advice para mga college students hehe

Safe sex is your top priority. You can study all you want but if you make one mistake by not protecting yourself, you make spend your entire life paying the price. "Naku grabe naman. Hindi naman ako magse-sex," you might say? Akala mo lang yan. You will get to that moment and if you're not prepared, you will definitely pay the price.

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